WWYD?

[victoriascrumptious]

SIL has a habit of taking things that dont belong to her. I've had a few little things disappear only to turn up amongst her stuff at which point she has acted non-plussed

The things she takes are small and of little financial value like alice bands and cheap jewellrey, books etc. I don't really care so much about the items but I am perplexed as to why she does it. If she asked I would have gladly given or lent the things to her.

DH (her brother) thinks it's no big deal but I admit to being a little annoyed as it's not something I would ever dream of doing.

Before she went away on holiday I saw her stuffing one of my scarves into her suitcase (in plain view of me). She never asked if she could borrow/have it and I never challenged her at the time.

The annoyance has resurfaced today as I have just seen a fb pic of her wearing yet another of my items.

She doesnt live with me btw but seems to 'aquire' my items when she comes to stay at the weekends.

Weird

Oh and DH says her behaviour comes as a result of growing up with siblings (I am an only child). Erm?

well it's not normal. I don't really know what to suggest, it may cause unpleasantness between you all if you do

Not unreasonable at all. What I don't understand is why you don't challenge her.

You could even start making a joke of it "I shall have to start frisking you when you leave"

And if you see her take something - SAY!!! "Actually, I'd rather you didn't borrow that, I will be using it."

By not challenging her, you are telling her that it is no big deal.

I would get very annoyed. I don't have much money, I hardly ever buy anything for myself so what I do have I like to look after and keep.

I would ask her to collect the stuff that she has borrowed and return it to you as you would like your stuff back and when she has done that I would ask her to leave your things alone in future.

Your dh probably thinks its no big deal because he has grown up to think this is ok.

Does she say anything if you go round and aquire her stuff? Has she got anything really niee you want instead of having your stuff back?

It sounds like your DH is trying to defend his sister but I would be furious if I were you. I think you should confront her. COuld you put a comment on her FB photo asking if that was your scarf? (maybe that's a bit childish but I might not have the guts to ask her outright!!)

I think you will have to be honest with her. Tell her she is welcome to borrow items providing she asks.

Very weird! I would loudly make a joke about it with her, and start taking the stuff back!

I would post on FB, "I love how my scarf is looking on you. See you on.....and I will pick it up then, xx"

Next time you see something of yours at her house, just take it smiling and exclaiming, "I have been looking for this for ages now, you and your sticky fingers! What else of mine do you have squirrelled away??" And laugh, but take it all back!!

Why didn't you say anything when you saw her stuffing your scarf in her suitcase??! I'd definitely say something to her the next time I saw her, along the lines of "oh, I see from FB that you've got the same top as me", or something, and then ask her just to ask you next time.

It's got nothing to do with having a sibling imo - just sticky fingers.

NOT NORMAL BEHAVIOUR! I'd be frisking the light fingered minx before she left. And if I saw her with something that she had nicked I'd point out that she hadn't asked to borrow it and rip it off her ask for it back.

I have 2 siblings and I wouldn't dream of going round to my brother's house and taking home his wife's stuff. This is not what brothers and sisters do generally.

I'd go with monkey's approach.

Cheek

Put a message on her FB photo saying you'd forgotten you'd lent her that item, when would be a convenient time to pick it up along with the scarf?

Makes the point that you know she's doing it. Does she steal from anyone else?

DH IBU, since when does having siblings give anyone the right to steal stuff?

I'd tell DH if she steals anything else, you're not happy for her to stay - how would he feel if a member of your family came along and pinched his things?

The whole siblings thing...utter crap! Having brothers and sisters means you have to learn to share. We are all grown up and married now but it would not cross my mind to steal stuff belonging to my brother's wife or my sister's husband....or anyone else. She possibly has kleptomaniac tendencies, given the brazeness of the way she "appropriates" things.
Confront her, embarass her and hopefully that will be the end of it - Good Luck!

My mum comes from a big family 4 girls and 2 boys...

And whenever they visit eachother they do have a habit of saying.. "Ooh I'll have that".

I have one sister and find it a bit weird but they seem ok with it.. However that doesn't excuses her from stealing from her SIL.

DSIS and I used to nick each others stuff when we were teens and shared a room but would NEVER dream of doing it now - it is not normal regardless of what your DH says

Completely normal behaviour for siblings to nick each others' stuff when they're young teenagers and sharing a bedroom (also completely normal for them to beat the crap out of each other when they find that their stuff is missing btw) but completely not normal to lift stuff when you've both got your own houses.

And she's not even your sibling! Would your DH be as relaxed if it was his stuff she was nicking?

I have been in a similar situation with a friend's daughter. just had to bite the bullet and ask for my stuff back- one item was returned defaced- she'd written her name on it in black marker pen