AIBU - rude to be 'too' polite?

[JaneS]

I'm a bit put out so posting.

I've just been at a meeting over the weekend with some friends - work-related, not social, but still fairly relaxed. Friend A organized it and sorted out places for out-of-town people to stay, except she forgot about me (which is reasonable under the circs, so I don't mind). So she said I could stay on her sofa. We all went out in the evening and various people started going off into little groups. She gave me a key and said I was welcome to come back on my own, but 'not too late - if it's 4am I won't be pleased'.

I assumed she simply meant 'not too late', so when it got to 2am, I texted her to say it was late so I was staying somewhere else, and thanks for the offer.

She's given me a lecture now about how she'd put sheets on the sofa and everything, and I am silly to think it was polite not to come home at 2am. She says she meant 4am literally!

AIBU to think she's a bit strange? She gave me a huge lecture about how it's not necessary to try and be politer than your host has asked you to be, and how she'd rather I just did as she said and didn't try to be polite.

YANBU. You were being very thoughtful. I can see how she was miffed to go to that trouble for you not to need it, though. Was your text worded badly, do you think?

Can you not just say 'gosh, I'm so sorry - I was really concerned about waking you'

She probably feels she went out of her way to accommodate you and sees it as a snub when you changed your mind. I think you did the right thing to not disturb her and she is over reacting to it....just a misunderstanding that needs no further comment by either of you.

I'm not sure why she should be so miffed about it. Sounds like you were trying to be considerate. So she put sheets on the sofa? Big deal! Take them off and put them away again! And tell her you're too big for "lectures" thank you very much!

fruit loop.

although she may just feel very very guilty about forgetting to get you some accomodation and may have got a full blown cooked brecky stuff in and stuff to make up for it.
maybe a bit put out that she went to the trouble and you didnt turn up.

bit much to lecture you though.

Blimey! I think she might be a little sensitive... Or do you think she was looking forward to you being there the following morning? Perhaps she was disappointed?

YANBU either way IMO.

is this her?

Does she call you 'Richard-dear'?

Hmm. I don't get it really, she only put some sheets on a sofa! The text was pretty simple, I just said it was late, someone else had offered to let me stay and, given I knew she was tired, I felt it better not to disturb her. If she'd been that bothered, she could have texted back - she says she was awake at the time.

I just feel cross because she gave me a lecture in front of everyone else about how I should have come to hers and apparently 'it's good you texted because otherwise we would have been very worried'! FFS, I felt like a child.

I have had people from this group over to mine to stay and I wouldn't dream of lecturing them, nor would I think it's any kind of effort to put sheets on a sofa.

at Disenchanted.

Btw, I don't think it crossed her mind to feel bad about forgetting to sort accommodation, actually. She never bothered to apologize, just said I wasn't staying in the B&B with everyone else but with her, so would I remember to bring plenty of taxi money.

(I am obviously more pissed off about this than I thought. Oops.)

So are you going to tell us what better offer you had at 2am ?

I think she's overreacting because she's embarassed she forgot about you! :D And sees your late text as a snub.

mydoorisalwaysopen has a point.. do tell!

I'd love it to be exciting but it wasn't. A group of us went to join a friend's party and that friend got out her air mattress and told me to stay with her - which is what I usually do if I'm up there anyway. I was missing my DP and rang him at 2.30 to mutter sweet nothings burble drunkely at him. So pretty off-putting for possible dashing suitors, I imagine!

I guess she might be embarrassed. I don't think so though, she clearly thinks she is an expert on correct ways to behave or she wouldn't have lectured me.

It's just the phrase 'too polite' that gets to me: if I were a rude person, I'd be inclined to tell her that if she thinks everyone around her is too polite, she should examine the possibility that, actually, she herself is habitually rude.

She engineered you having to stay at her house (I doubt she 'forgot' you were coming) for whatever reason - wanting to spend some time with you? Talk to you about something? Then she got in a sulk when her secret plan didn't pan out. Childish. YANBU.

First of all I'd tell her not to speak to you like a 3 year old. Then I'd tell her to get stuffed.

your friend, for example, is a twit.

You do all make me feel better. A little MN, and all is right with the world ...

Am I the only person that thinks it's odd that she put sheets on the sofa?

How do you mean?