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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

if I go on a girlie holiday without my husband and children?

48 replies

TinksandFloris · 07/06/2010 17:25

My (single) best friend has been asking me for years to book up a weekend away in the sun. Every year I make and excuse and we don't go.

This year she has a holiday booked to a greek island. It was meant to be a romantic break for two...which didn't quite work out! And she's asked me if I'd like to go with her. It's all already paid for, she just wants the company and I just need my spending money.

We have already had our family holiday this year so I am not asking my DH to forfeit his holiday in order for me to go.

He hit the roof when I asked him. My mother also disagrees with any holiday being taken outside of the marital walls so to speak.

It would mean he stays at home with the kids whilst I go on holiday. He's been away for weekends without me before and I've never minded. Also with single friends I might add.

Am I being unreasonable? Should I just forget it?

OP posts:

traceybath · 07/06/2010 17:57

Oh go definitely!

My sister and I are planning a long weekend in the sun next year minus husbands/children - I can't wait.

wannaBe · 07/06/2010 18:00

what is his objection exactly?

Does he have to use up holiday for instance which will mean he has none left for the rest of the year?

I don't think yabu for wanting to go, at all, but I think that it does depend on the logistics as to whether you would be being unreasonable to actually go iyswim.

I am going sailing in three weeks, it's the first time I've had the chance to do so in fifteen years, and it's the only chance I would get to do so this year, and my desire to do so came off the back of dh going sailing with some of his mates. But I had to think very carefully about whether it was actually possible, in terms of getting ds looked after etc. As it happened Dh was able to arrange to work from home some of the time, my mum is going to help out a bit, and thus it is possible for me to go. But I felt massively guilty about it and actually it was dh who said I must go and that I would regret it if I didn't. And that if I didn't go I could never again complain that I never get to go anywhere.

But if dh hadn't had understanding employers I wouldn't have been able to go and would have just had to be understanding about that.

deaddei · 07/06/2010 18:02

I go every year- you must go!

PortiaNovmerriment · 07/06/2010 18:03

Are you going to have to sleep on the beach if she pulls though? And can you honestly say you won't want to kill her after a week?

wannaBe · 07/06/2010 18:07

mine isn't even a girly holiday, it's a week on a boat with complete strangers.

rookiemater · 07/06/2010 18:15

Ok firstly he has been away for weekends away and work jollies, therefore in principal he should have no cause for complaint.

Concern about your single friend is ridiculous and says more about him than it does about you. If you don't go I would say you are within your rights to veto any future stag do or trip away he wants to take.

Reality is that a week will logistically be a tricky one and I can see why he wouldn't want to use up annual leave for it. You do seem a bit blase about the arrangements. Ideally as your mother is being resistant then she should be left out of it. Is there any way you can organise things so that he doesn't have to take time off work. If you did I think he would have no cause for saying no at all.

I recommend a family away from the holiday. I had 4 days skiing this year with some friends, first time since I met DH and it was wonderful.

Chandon · 07/06/2010 18:17

How many days is it, and does your DH need tiem off work?

foreverastudent · 07/06/2010 18:20

been there done that- go!

pagwatch · 07/06/2010 18:20

Dh is hugely supportive of my having weekends away and I do it a few times a year. But I wouldn't even consider a week.
He has too little holiday. By the time we have done family trips and have used days here and there for sports day or IEP meeting, there is little left.
He gets business trip etc away and that is a bit shit for me ( if I wish to be selfish about it) but it does not encroach upon our family holiday .

CharlotteYorkGoldenblatt · 07/06/2010 20:08

YANBU! He is! you have to go - maybe you should have a calm discussion with DH about what exactly his problem is, and if he actually has anything valid to say, you can put your point across and reassure him that nothing dodgy would happen iyswim? hope it works out! x

mistletoekisses · 07/06/2010 20:12

How many days would you be away for? How old are your DC's?

zisforzebra · 07/06/2010 20:17

YANBU. You should go.

I went to visit my sister when she was living abroad (slightly different as she had a baby and her husband was away in a war zone so I was there to keep her company more than anything) and DH stayed home with the children. They all had a great time and the house was immaculate when I got back. He'd been so bored without me that he'd done loads of cleaning!

Iggisfulloftayto · 07/06/2010 20:19

Has your best friend been there for you in the past? Don't you have some responsibility toward her too, if you can help her without upsetting your DCs (and they haven't been raised as a problem) then I think maybe it is your turn to nurture your friendship a bit.
I'd be there in a heartbeat.
Your DH probably thinks you will then want to do it every year!

SunSoakedStone · 07/06/2010 20:30

GO. My PiL have a problem with extra-marital holidays as well. Me and DH do not. GO.

TastesLikePanda · 07/06/2010 21:13

Go Go Go! Two words for you - Shirley Valentine! (ok, except the bit where she doesn't go back and snogs that hairy guy)

I went to Florida this January - all by myself! It was wonderful and DH didn't mind a bit. It was a long dream of mine to go abroad all alone, so I decided to do it the wimpy way and go to Orlando, as I've been a couple of times recently and I know it fairly well

PiscesLondon · 07/06/2010 22:39

YANBU!!!

go and have a ball, infact i'm looking at 3 day girly breaks for the summer now, i'm also having a girly shopping break in december.

my OH does it, so i've decided i bloody well am.

ignore your mum, nobody's business except you and OH. she's just being old school.

Indaba · 08/06/2010 08:31

Go. YANBU.

(Just had weekend away without family and feel like I've been away for 2 weeks!).

And tell your mum to get stuf*ed and get with the 21st century.

Good luck!

GeekOfTheWeek · 08/06/2010 09:25

If your dh does it then I don't see why you shouldn't. Although there is quite a difference between a weekend and a week.

Can you afford it?

Will it massively affect his holidays from work?

porcamiseria · 08/06/2010 09:52

go! I just did the same and loved it, I was on the beach by 8am!!!

worj out how many weekends he has had away, do they equate to your week in the sun

yopu might have a row on your hands but you most def NBU

maltesers · 08/06/2010 10:08

Go away and enjoy yourself. . .how dare your DP get mad ? He has been away. . now its ¥our turn.

maltesers · 08/06/2010 10:10

I went skiing with an old male friend this April. . .my dp was fine about it. . .He trusts me with my male chum. We had great fun skiing, drank too much and had a fun week.

kreecherlivesupstairs · 08/06/2010 10:20

Go. My DH is diving for a fortnight in the Philipines soon with a friend from Aus. I don't care that there will be two men together in a fleshpot. One of the mums from DD's school advised me it is the paying for sex capital of the world. I told her we had lived in that (Thailand). I will be going with my friends somewhere else to be decided. What's sauce for the goose is sauce for the gander.

elportodelgato · 08/06/2010 13:09

ooh please please GO!! It sounds like so much fun, you utterly utterly deserve it. He'll get over it silly man, as will your mother

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