To want to burgle BIL house?

[AgentZigzag]

It was great when we took our vows in church, neither of us blubbed, we both had good clear voices, and I avoided the very real possibility of cracking up laughing at DHs middle name

BIL very kindly videoed the service for us on a DVD or similar, we didn't ask him to and he was happy to do it.

In the ten years since we got married we've tried to get a copy of the service, even though we don't see him that often, but he just wont give us one. We haven't hassled him for it, and bearing in mind this is over the course of ten years

-MIL has asked him twice for it

-DH has rung him and asked, which is a rarity as they don't talk on the phone very often

-We've sent a couple of friendly emails asking if it'd be possible to copy it

-Offered to send a SAE, copy it ourselves and send it back

He definitely does still have it, because about five years ago when we were at MILs, he showed it to us, we asked if we could take it to get a copy and he said 'No, I'll do it'.

I'm fully aware that it is his DVD to do with what he wants, but I have to try really hard to keep my frustration (and anger if I'm totally honest) under wraps when I think that DD1 has missed out seeing one of the most important times of our lives, plus I was 6 months pregnant with her at the time (shotgun wedding ). We didn't have any official photos taken, and obviously were a bit busy to take any ourselves, so we don't have that many pictures to show DD1 which makes this video so important to us.

DH said BIL has always been crap at getting his arse into gear at the best of times, but I just can't get my head round knowing it's out there but not being able to see it, and why he wont let us have it. He's moving overseas soon so this might be our last shot before he goes.

I'd really appreciate your thoughts on this one, and any suggestions on how we might approach him for it.

Ooh maybe it will be like that bit in Love Actually?

You'll get a copy and find he loved you all along?

or maybe he is just an ass

Go and visit him, nab hold of the dvd, copy it and return it to him. Or take a blank dvd round to his and copy it there if possible.
This situation would drive me bonkers....

Lol sanielle, he's an ass/arse/both

He lives on the other side of the country unfortunately, neither of us have been to each others houses, else I would be round there demanding!

Go for the burglary option.

Is 39 a bit old to be taking up burglary Kreecher? Or is shinning up a drain pipe pretty easy?

Funnily enough I'm in a similar situation.........my uncle filmed our wedding 4 years ago (we didn't ask him to and didn't know he was going to do it) and we're yet to see it despite my mum/grandma asking him about it on numerous occasions. Wierd isn't it? All I can think is that he left the lens cap on or something stupid like that and is too embarassed to say

Not in the slightest, I'd come and give you a hand and wear my best stripy top and swag bag, but I fear Switzerland is too far to travel.
seriously, he does sound like a major bell end to not do this for you.
Would you consider offering sexual favours for it? You don't have to provide them, once you've secured the tape, send your DH to make good on the offer.

YADDDDNBU!

Ten years is plenty! How inconsiderate. Do your PIL live any nearer, so that they could just go and get it for you?

I think you should just give him a call, tell him how much it means to you, and how worried you are that you'll lose it when he moves. Then call him every day to see if he's done it until he actually sends it to you / does a copy. Shame that's it come to this, but you do need to get it love.

p.s. v curious now to know whether it's a Love Actually situ!

Have you tried saying to him; 'is there a reason why we can't get a copy of our wedding video?' If you are blunt, you may just shame him into it.

Sorry to hear you're in the same situation diamond, even though it was an extra to your wedding as you weren't expecting it, that doesn't make you want it any less or be any less angry because you've got no control over it. Hope he pulls his finger out soon

FUCKING BARF at the thought of offering him anything Kreecher

Reward, PIL don't really see him either, and they're at a loss of how to get him to pass it on. They know what he's like and obviously want us to have it, but he's an adult and they can't make him I suppose.

He knows exactly how much it means to us Blame, which makes me even more

I have a really good idea!

Get DD to call him!

Get her to call up dear old uncle-whats-his-face...and guilt him in to sending the dvd of "me in mummy's tummy" how could he resist?

My best friends recorded DS1s christening 12 years ago. We've never had a copy (or seen it!) since, and we've been very pointed about it on occasion - it's become a bit of a legendary joke now, and frankly I've given up (I might start suggesting it'll be a nice 16th birthday present for him...)

YAsoNBU. If you're successful, can I give you my BFs address and hire your services?

Sanielle - GENIUS!

DD1 knows about the vid and has offered to talk to him, even though she's doesn't even remember what he looks like (it's that long since we've seen him) but I felt a bit uncomfortable about 'using' her IYSWIM.

It was a couple of years ago she said that, so now she's 9 it might be possible for her to email him, but I suspect he'd ignore it like he did ours, and that would upset her more.

Can you send him a letter from a solicitor, something about intellectual property or approach him via his wife? It does sound very strange and controlling TBH.

Since asking nicely hasn?t got you anywhere, you need to have something to trade for the video. Do you have any photos/video of family events that he would wish to have or could you get tickets for some concert / play / Wimbledon etc that he would die to get his mitts on? Offer him the tickets and you?d then be in the perfect position to negotiate for a copy of the video of your wedding.

He has a new girlfriend Kreecher who we haven't met, so I couldn't really ask her. I don't think it's a control thing as we hardly see him, I really do think it's just because he's too fucking lazy to sort it out, even though he wouldn't have to do anything.

I'm kicking myself that we didn't push harder when we saw it 5 years ago, I had no idea we wouldn't see him or it for all this time.

I'd offer him large amounts of cash for it if I thought it'd do any good GG I wish we did have something he wanted.

Looks like it's sexual favours then. Whose relative is he? Your sisters or your DH's husband? Sounds like a prick to me whoever he is.

I can see why you're so annoyed.

Could it be that he filmed the wedding onto a tape that has other stuff on that he doesn't want to risk getting lost or people to see. Could explain why he's not keen to lend out the original.

As for not copying it for you, he could genuinely just be a bit hopeless and keep forgetting, not getting round to it. Send him a blank tape, a stamped addressed envelope and a letter explaining why it means so much to you.

If you still don't get a response I'd presume that he has lost / taped over it since you saw it , or he is an arse!

He's DHs half brother, and they couldn't be more different, thankfully. Perhaps he thinks that because he's always been like that and people have accepted it, that it's OK to carry on?

I agree with hmm that he sounds like a prize arse, why would he keep it from you else? Think you might have to be a bit more aggressive assertive asking him.

What time does he need to get up for work? Start phoning him daily at least an hour before he is due to get up and say "Sorry, hope I didn't wake you (again) but I wanted to catch you before I did X, to remind you about that dvd"

He'll soon get fed up and get it done. I bet he's just a lazy arse with good intentions but no get up and go.

I'm a bit reluctant to get heavy handed with him. The only other experience I've had of asking him something is when, through MIL, we'd asked him if he'd like to come to a panto one year, I'd just added him to my MSN so I thought I could ask him because I had to book the tickets.

I asked him casually, nothing at all that could be taken as badgering him, and he replied with (we were talking in lower case before)'I DON'T KNOW WHETHER I'M GOING OR NOT, I'LL LET YOU KNOW IF I DECIDE' (or words to that effect) and other stuff as if I'd been going on and on and on about it for months.

I was a bit where did that come from?

We didn't talk on it again.