to ask this of my family and friends?

[biddysmama]

i'm getting married in the uk (where i live lol) next year...

my dad lives in ireland (county kerry) and was made redundant last year and cant find a job so theres him and his wife and 4 children on benefits, there is no way he can afford to come to my wedding unless he has a job by then (he wants a job, he has never been unemployed before!)

would i be unreasonable to put in my wedding invitations that more than anything i would like my dad (and his family, indcluding my nearly 1 year old brother i havent met yet)to be at my wedding and ask for 'donations' towards getting him here?

Plus if you ask for money as a wedding present on the wedding invites then you aren't likely to get them money until your wedding day.......at which point it's too late to get your dad there.

To be honest i think you need to think very carefully about how your dad would feel about accepting charity from so many people........personally i would be horribly embarassed (pretty mortified tbh). If I were you, i would run the idea past my dad before going ahed with it.

biddysmama, if you put the reason on the invite will your dad not be embarassed?

Also, can he afford drinks, accomodation, outfits etc?

Biddysmama, I wouldn't put it on the actual invite but could you phone up some relatives that you know well and who would be expecting to buy you a present and tell them that instead of a present you'd like a contribution to the "Get Dad to UK" fund. That way, you don't embarrass him by putting it in the invites.

Ok, I don't know all the details of precisely what flights, how expensive the hotel accommodation is etc etc - but just at random I've just looked on Ryanair. 2 adults and four children under 16 can travel from Cork to Stansted in August this year, and back two days later, for about 210 euros. If that's the kind of figure you are talking about, and then the hotel rooms - in London a Premier Inn for the same two nights as the flights would be about £300 (I went for this as hoping wherever you are is cheaper, so you could get cheaper accommodation) - so we're talking what, about £500 in total?

I don't know the ins and outs of your family, your guests, and how much you think realistically your guests will spend, but I don't think you need to ask all your guests to contribute in lieu of presents to get that kind of cash - I'd talk to a select few to raise the cash and not embarrass your dad by spreading it more widely than needs be. And before even doing that I would tell him how much it means to you to have them all there (which is lovely) and say what you are thinking of doing so that his pride won't be hurt.

And FWIW, I would gladly contribute in those circs.

if i get married in kerry then only my dad will be there.. and i dont have a credit card

thanks for all the advice

my dad would hate that and most men prob would, although of course your heart is in the right place. You will need to find the money to fly him over I think or risk upsetting your guests (some will think "what a cheek" whilst some will gladly contribute and you might offend your dad. Invite 20 less friends and get your family there.

I wouldn't mention anything on the invite , I'm sorry but even with the most worthy intentions it is tacky.

Hopefully some of the invitees will ring up and ask what to buy as a wedding present then you can explain the situation to them and I'm sure they would be happy to contribute, plus your dad wouldn't know how the money had been collected.

I wouldn't mention anything on the invite, but here's an idea for you....

One of my friends when she got married really wanted a holiday of a lifetime in Oz. Instead of presents she wanted help to pay for it. Here is the clever bit; The company she booked with (Think it might have been TravelBag) were able to set up a wedding gift list type service for people to make donations towards it. She paid up front for her trip, but the company refunded a lump sum of the 'gifts' she'd been given, effectively paying for her honeymoon without having the uncertainty of not knowing whether or not to book.

I think there are a few sites that people can donate money on without you having to say specifically what its for. You can mention the site on your invite without anyone knowing you're using the money for your Dad.

Think there might be a site called 'My Wishing Well' or something similar.

Its not til next year?

Surely between you and your partner and your dad and his wife (are any of their children adults?) there is time to put a little away every week/month?

I do think it is a really sweet idea, and were I a guest, I would be more than happy to contribute - much more meaningful than a run of the mill wedding gift. However, I really do think your father would be embarrassed - I picture my father in the same situation and I know how mortified he would be... You know what Irish blokes are like!

I think perhaps discuss it with some close friends / family members, rather than putting it on the invites. And fwiw, I would defo go with flights rather than ferry. The ferry tends to be quite pricey, plus the cost of fuel from Kerry to Dun Laoghaire / Dublin Port, and on from Hollyhead / Fishguard etc to wherever you are in the UK... It will rack up pretty quickly! Ryanair will be much cheaper, or Aer Arann from Kerry or Galway maybe. Aer Lingus from Knock could be an option either. Hope you can get him (and his family) there one way or another!! Would they be the only guests travelling from Ireland? Because if you have 10 passengers travelling, you can get group fares from Aer Lingus, which can often work out cheaper than the web fares.