to not let 2 year old dd have fizzy drinks and sweeties?

[oohlalaaaa]

Thats basically it! Would you let your two year old have them? Pil on both sides think their wish to spoil my daughter should clearly overide any of my rules. I dont mind cakes, pudding etc but not massses and the two aforementioned are not allowed at all any more, especially as one set of pil dont know when to stop and feed her shit until she is sick. I said she could have one or two as a treat at first but they would give her handfuls. Instead of her tea. So I have banned them (not that we let her have them anyway!) However, I am constantly battling with them to stop trying to give her sweets and fizzy pop, they just give it to her without asking me whilst I am there so they either get their own way or I have to deal with major paddys when I say no. Also I get snipy comments such as "mummy wont let me give you x y z". Why cant they just not mention it in the first place?!
She also constantly demands things now, sweets, ice cream, etc cos she expects it but I am trying to be consistant, I cant let her have her own way all the time. She had the most horrendous tantrum today when I said she wasnt allowed ginger ale (which is apparantly not fizzy ), despite fil trying to give it her 3 times even though I said no. So she threw her tea all over the floor. All my fault of course, they also think I should smack her which I will not ever do, especially when the situation could easily be avoided . Am I being an unreasonable precious cow?

I wouldn't specifically give a 2 year old fizzy drinks although now i have older ones as well (and they do have them occasionally) they keep sharing which is nice in a way but not in another. 2 year old do have sweeys but alot fewer in our house.

The main issue though is that if you say no your family should back you up rather than undermining you.

YANBU about pil, they should respect your wishes and have obviously taken the piss. What does your DH say? I would get him to have harsh words personally.

In answer to your original question though, I would let my 2 yr old have them (in small quantities) as a treat, eg at a bday party. But know many would frown even upon this.

YANBU DD's always expect treats at my MIL i have let it go so far but i really hate them having so much crap when we visit and its a shame they look forward to going just for the treats.

Fizzy is a no no usless poorly then they can drink as much flat lemonade as they want.

Thanks fernie, I think thats it, I always feel like Im being undermined, in laws even confer with each other about whether dd can have or do certain things, when I am there, as though I am a random stranger. Or I will sya no and mil will say to pil, "no its ok she can have it!"

No you aren't!!!
I have had the same problem with my Outlaws.....can't believe their cheek and careless attitude to my DD's health and wellbeing.
My Parents agree with me,and in anycase wouldn't give my DC's anything I didn't agree with.

Can't you have a quiet word without DD there,or better still get DP/DH to do it.
Be firm and say she'll have to stop visiting if they can't respect your wishes.

Explain that "treats" such as Birthdays/Christmas etc.would be ok in moderation but not on normal visits.
If they love her then surely they don't want her to end up having fillings,or being up all night with Tummy ache and vomiting!!

I have older kids and again, they share with our two year old re. fizzy drinks.

In relation to sweeties DD(2) is not that fussed when the older ones have them.

Grandparents do love to spoil their grandkids but generally they should support you.

YANBU. There is no good reason for your PIL to undermine you in this way. Whatever they may think about your methods (and they are methods I happen to agree with - my DS does have chocolate in small doses on occasion but not fizz) the simple fact is, she's YOUR DD and their granddaughter. Parental decisions fall to you and your DP.

Can you get him to back you up on this? Maybe they would listen if he told them where to stand. Don't get him to mention you, argue him round yourself (if he doesn't agree already) and then get him to put it to them as him laying down the boundaries for 'his' child. Petty, I know, but some people will only respond that way. I certainly know if I want my mother to do something, I could never let DP tell her. She wouldn't listen to him, only me.

my 5,8 and 10 yr olds only get fizzy drinks about 10 times a year - christmas, special treats like meals out, birthday parties

there is no need at all for a 2 yo to have them

in fact when DD tried her first lemonade at about 3, and got a fizzy nose, she remarked "i don't like marmalade"

I do let her have sweeties them occasionally as a treat (or a potty training bribe!), but they honestly dont know when to stop. It will go, no dinner, oh well have some yoghurt, here have some chocolate dip biscuit thing, have an ice lolly, have some sweets etc... We go once a week to one set, and about twice to the other so its a few times a week this happens. My mum is fab, always asks if she can have this or that. I guess its a respect thing! Dp is quite good at backing me up and he will take things out of the room at pils so she cant see them so it wont wind her up(they often place sweets in full view or reach knowing she will kick off to get them!) Glad to hear Im not just being a cow!

YANBU - I'd be annoyed too. Can you chat to them about it, rather than telling them what you want them to do? That way, you might bring them round to your way of thinking. Something along the lines of do they not worry about fizzy drinks rotting teeth etc etc.

Incidentally, your DD would probably have the tantrums anyway. Some children are just prone to them. As I'm sure you know, you just have to stick to your guns and never give in .

I agree about the tantrums - at that age they could just as easily be over not being allowed a third apple, for example

but dont these grandparents hear all the news reports about obesity, childhood diabetes, and dental decay??

i think the occasional sweet or fizzy drink (though they seem to find fizzy drinks difficult!) isn't going to hurt..but if they are round at PIL often YANBU to be firm about it.

Thats the thing, she is generally pretty good, she responds well to boundaries so if I say no from the start she usually accepts it. But if she is given something or told yes she can have it, then no, then yes etc, she gets confused and thats when the tantrum starts. She doesnt really have many them at home because she never gets her own way by tantruming! (although she does try!)At grandparents she knows they always give in so she tries to push the boundaries, but Im happy to deal with a few paddys now so she will learn that she cant always get what she wants than in a year when they will be even worse having never been told no at grannys.

They sound mental - why is it so important to them that she has so many sweets etc?

And at "I will say no and mil will say to pil, "no its ok she can have it!" and "they often place sweets in full view or reach knowing she will kick off to get them!" - how bizarre!

I can only think that for some reason they are doing this deliberately to undermine you and are on some kind of crazy power trip because of it!

I think you and DH need to present a united front on this, as other posters have said you are her parents and whilst yes it is grandparents prerogative to spoil their granchild, not IMO if that is to the detriment of her health, and not by repeatedly doing something you have stated you are not happy with.

No, YANBU.

Ds2 (2.7) is allowed an occasional sip of my fizzy drink, although once had a lemonade at a restaurant when the only juice option was one he doesn't like. He is also only allowed chocolate and even then on an occasional basis. We don't give him sweets of any other kind and he doesn't like cakes or puddings anyway.

As others have said, you and your DH need to present a united front and stay firm.

I would be inclined, if your PILs continue to insist on giving your DD the sweets and fizzy drinks, to say something like "Ooh! Isn't granny being naughty! She knows you're not allowed those! Naughty granny!" and perhaps offer something else she likes that you think is ok.