to expect my son to share his toys a bit...

[SloanyPony]

DS, 3 in September, has a lot of toys (PFB) many of which he couldn't give a damn about anymore (Iggle Piggles, drums which you bash and they play a tune/lights, tractors which moo, etc) - he's moved on to Lego and Buzz Lightyears and the like. So we have baskets full of stuff that technically belong to him, but that he hasn't touched for well over a year.

So we now have DD who is coming up to 8 months, sitting up very solidly and sturdily and thus becoming much more interested and easily entertained by various toys which were beyond her a couple of months back as she is now able to bum shuffle towards them, use her hands to operate them, and sit up and enjoy them, etc.

But will DS let her? Every time he sees something being used, he snatches it away from her, not so he can use it himself, but because its "his".

Now I always try and be very sensitive and kind about the whole sibling thing, I've read "Siblings without Rivalry" etc and I am well schooled on the do's and donts, generally, and I know the whole "he had you to himself for 2 years" etc rationale, yes, but, I'm DAMNED if I'm going to spend yet more money on bucketloads of fluroecent plastic tat with insatiable appetites for AA batteries just because these (unused for at least a year) things are technically "his".

AIBU to put my foot down with this one and insist that he shares his old things with her, even if it is at the risk of him resenting her slightly at times? Its not a bad skill to learn, that of sharing, and I know they get better at it from 3-ish onwards (bring it on!) but seriously - AIBU? Hell, every time she acquires something new, he likes to have a good look at it and a play with it, and I dont snatch it from him on her behalf because its "hers". Maybe I should have?!?

Not had chance to read all the replies but I would say YANBU, he should be learning to share at this age anyway and will be learning about taking turns etc at pre-school.

A bit late for you now but I always put toys away in the loft once ds1 had outgrown them and then when they came down when ds2 arrived I'd just say you played with these when you were a baby rather than "these were your toys" and that worked fine. Taking turns took some getting used to but in an "I'm playing with that" sense rather than "thats my prized possession"!

DS1 (2.8) is starting to let DS2 (5 months) play with his 'soft' toys without snatching back. There are 2 things that we have done.

We have moved all the toys into a spare room and are reiterating that the toys are for any child/ friend who comes to visit. No toy is the sole territory of DS1 and is now on neutral territory. DS1 gets to fill one box with the toys he wants to take downstairs to play with. DS2 will be allowed to do the same once old enough. Snatching off one another will be a big no.

We have also 'rewarded' his letting DS2 play with things with lots of praise and more importantly a small new toy from DS2. Both times he has gone into DS2's room to see a small puzzle etc from DS2. And we have told him that it is a present from DS2 to DS1 for playing so nicely. It has resulted in him going to fetch some of his toys to entertain DS2 when he starts crying. You dont waste money buying more tat that is too young for him, but can buy more age appropriate stuff that you may well have bought anyway.

Fingers crossed, it carries on working once DS2 is mobile!

Sloany, I had a similar problem with DS1, who didn't seem to overly mind having DS2 around until DS2 began crawling at 10 mos and interfering with his stuff (even, as you say, stuff he hadn't been remotely interested in for months).

Things became unbearable a couple of months ago when DS1 had just turned three, and DS2 was 18 mos, and it felt as if I was living in a warzone; I too read Siblings Without Rivalry, and found it very interesting, especially in helping me see things from DS1's point of view, but what finally sorted my two out was bribery.

DS1 has been carrying around a leaflet advertising Chuggington toys for ages, pointing out to me all the toys he wants for Christmas, and I said that Father Christmas would only bring them to him if he promised to share them with DS2, DS1 said he would, and I said FC would want evidence that DS1 could share with this brother, so he would have to start sharing from now on.

Since then, DS1 has become much better at sharing, and if he forgets I only have to mention FC and he gives in. He and DS2 are getting on much better because DS2 isn't constantly having to fight his ground, and DS1 is beginning to understand that sharing is a two-way thing - DS2 has to do it too (which he finds much easier to do, being a second child).

I know I run the risk of DS1 thinking that sharing is a means to an end, but I am hoping that by Christmas sharing will be so entrenched that the arrival of Chuggington toys will feel more like a bonus than a reward.