Not to give advice

[stegner]

Is it really appropriate to give advice on relationships when we dont know both sides? Most of us who complain about our husbands/partnes get the usual man-bashing responses from effectivly strangers on the internet on this site. Is this really helpfull to relationships that aleady are under strain from money/sex/communication problems. Should we not be more supportive of the relationship rather than adopt the normal kick-the-man approach so often found on these forums?? A bit of appreciation and thanks after all from both sides will go a long way rather than the standard anti male pejudice??

are you male?

No but does that prove my point?

Maybe im just old fashioned and believe relationships have to be worked at. People are too quick to encourage resentment these days dont you think?

No I dont think so. Any 'advice' that I give is measured and thought out mostly; sometimes a gut reaction is to say "get out of that relationship"

Nobody has to take it, or listen to it, but if someone is being physically or mentally abused by their partner whether male or female we will never get both sides of the story and you often have to take things at face value.

I do think relationships have to be worked at, but it takes two people to try to make it work, not just one.

Yes, yabu.

The only anti-man stuff I've seen has been anti abusive man stuff

exactly Sazisi.

so yes OP YABU

As they say there are 3 sides to every story - yours, mine and the truth. Anyone giving advice here does it solely based on the OP's side of the story (unless you know the people in RL) which is not necessarily the truth.

well should people drag the detritus of their relationship across mn to strangers?i think if folk post they must accept divergent views. this isnt a therapeutic community or counselling.is fast moving busy forum

but i agree sometimes posters can gallop to advise
call womens aid
leave him
hes a bastard

but SM - a lot of the time they should call WA, leave him and he usually is a bastard!

Not every man is a bastard, not every woman is an angel. I think people on here give quite varied views on relationships and what one person thinks is 'bad' might not be to others.

like the my dh/dp is a twat folk pile in and agree,next thing op is incandescecnt dont diss ma man and shouting at posters"oi hes a gr8 dad,blah blah"

I think that if you are not in a abusive relationship looking at these kinds of threads can be detrimental. I have often seen a thread on mn and thought omg I'm/dp is an abusive fuckhead. In fact we are probably just an average couple, too much naval gazing and googling is a bad thing. I once started a thread and ended up as an abuser, with my poor cowering dp afraid of my next violent outburst .

People moan about their partners, it's not always black and white.

oh yeah. like in the thread where the woman was raped and almost murdered by her DP this week? Yeah, I'll be taking HIS side next time.

iS THAT NOT EXACTLY THE POINT? DONT TAKE SIDES AS A KNEEJERK REACTION, I KNOW PLENTY OF WOMEN WHO ARE COMPLETELY DIFFRNT PEOPLE IN THE COMPANY OF OTHER WOMEN AS OPPOSED TO THEIR HUSBAND/PARTNER. I REALLY HOPE THAT PARTICULAR WOMEN GOES TO THE POLICE/SOCIAL SERVICES AND GETS OUT OF THAT VIOLENT RLATIONSHIP BUT A FRIEND OF MINE ACTUALLY ATTEMPTED TO STAB HER HUSBAND IN A ROW SO THEY DONT HAVE THE MONOPOLY ON DOMESTIC VIOLENCE. JUST TO GET BACK TO MY ORIGINAL POINT I THINK ENCOURAGEMENT TO RESOLVE THE PROBLEM IS MORE PODUCTIVE THAN THE MAJORITY OF POSTS WHICH DEMONISE MEN AND ENCOURAGE RESENTMENT. SIMPLE REALLY!!!

YABU and YAB more U for shouting at us all.

Steg take a chill. If people didnt want outside advice/reassurance/affirmation of their beliefs forums wouldnt exist. Tis way of the world.