to have not returned it?

[fuzzypicklehead]

[Dons flame-retardent coat and helmet] Am relatively new to MN and have never posted in AIBU before, so will probably do it all wrong. But don't worry. If you flame me I'll just flee sobbing into my petticoats, never to return. (seriously, it will give me more time for housework!)

A few months ago, whilst out shopping with my DD's (2.0 and 9weeks at the time) I had two accidental shoplifting incidents within a couple of days. The first time DD1 had grabbed something small and then sat on it, so I didn't realize until I was loading her into the car. The second time I picked up several items and checked out while trying to console a hysterical DD2. Much later, I realized that one of the items was still in my hand--I had bagged my purchases, paid, and continued on to other shops whilst still holding it, so it was never scanned.

In my pre-child incarnation, I would have rushed back to pay for said items. (both were under 99p in value) But faced with the prospect of dragging both girls back into the shops, I just thought "Oh sod it!" and carried on.

I posted about it at the time on another forum where I had been a longtime member, in a kind of "Doh! Aren't I a dippy one? " way. I was flamed soooooo badly, I was a little bit shocked.

But at the same time, my sis (in the States) said that when that kind of thing happens there they are advised NOT to return the item, as some stores have a zero-tolerance policy that means they then HAVE to prosecute.

So what do you think. WIBU?

i think you will have to start returning things, only to show your dd that its not right to steal.

I dont see how a shop could bring themselves to prosecute a 2 year old... i really dont.

tbh I wouldn't have returned the items either if they were that low in value. I would however try and be a bit more careful in future all those 99p's could add up over the years you know!

take them back next time you go

Happened to me couple of months ago, my 2 year old DS shoplifted a bag of Maltesers. I noticed it when we got home as it was in his buggy. I did not take the sweets back and I really don't think he had any intention of stealing anything. Far too young to understand the concept imo.

well, on these occasions it seems like they were genuine accidents BUT i am not sure if a 2 year old would understand about having to pay for things, i would be wondering if my dd would start to think that picking up and holding things in shops means you get to keep them. i am not saying they will become petty criminals i am just thinking it is best to be aware that this could happen and you might end up embarrassed. apparently as a toddler i would just help myself in shops!

I don't think toddlers of that age connect paying with being able to take stuff out of shops at all though, do they? So they're hardly likely to carry forward the idea that it's ok to leave a shop with something that hasn't been paid for. I know my DS (2.6) hasn't a clue - even though I tell him every time we go that he can't have X until it's been paid for - he has no concept of what that means.

OP - YWNBU and although I doubt you would have been prosecuted, it's not a risk I'd like to take either.

If this was a few months ago then don't go back.

Just keep an eye on your dcs during future shopping trips.

fwiw there was a thread here ages ago, a woman whose child had hidden something in pram (or woman had left something in basket and forgot to pay, can't remember which)

The shop were not lenient. Some women (and men I imagine) use this ploy deliberately. So be very cautious as to what your dc can reach and what they might take. It would be no defence to blame the dc, you as the supervising adult would/could be charged with theft.

in yesterdays paper, dont know which one it was at the hospital, there was a news item about a man who seemingly used his 3 yr old daughter as a ploy to enter an old lady's home and steal money from her purse

I did this a couple of times when my DCs were very young - it definitely does something to your brain.

I didn't return them even though I only got as far as the car - I figured if I hadn't been stopped at that point then I wouldn't be. But I did feel very quilty/paranoid afterwards.

You do understand that it is all in the plan to place product in easy reach of children so that more of it sells.

I would not worry about it!

Good point! If it was a product placed low to lure in small children then tough luck!

Exactly - companies pay more money to place their products in the reach of small children and design the isles this way. I remember a marketing scenario - at a checkout - toddler holding onto something he has lifted and more often than not the parents buy the product just to keep the peace.

Wouldn't take them back if it was so long ago - though if you had noticed shortly afterwards I think you should have taken them back. Also keep a closer eye in future... Tiny things might not seem like much, but all that stealing from Pick and Mix closed Woolworths

I did this a few weeks ago with a chicken fillet (to eat, not bra filler ) Didn't realise until I got home and I was mortified.

Obviously not mortified enough to return it! I did keep wondering if I would choke on it due to my dishonesty

Don't take it back now as it was ages ago.

I work in retail and a couple of things you might want to bare in mind;

Lots of dishonest mothers get their kids to steal for them or use their pushchairs to hide goods.
On the other hand, I've had mothers drag children back to the shop and ask me to read the riot act to the kids to teach them a lesson. Normally along the lines of "You're lucky your mother caught you and not me as I would have called the police."

Even thought the cost of the goods is small, stores have a budget for how much stock they 'lose.' If the figures are too high, at best staff lose their bonus, at worst they lose their jobs as its considered part of their job to minimise loss.

The budget you get for loss is so small that a couple of quid here and there can make a real difference.

You were dippy (your words - lol )a couple of times, doesn't make you a bad person, so don't see why you'll get flamed. Just don't make a habit of it!

Well I used to work in Tesco's as a student and the number of mums who hung nappies on the buggy's and walked out with them I'm surprised they weren't tagged, in fact I think they are now, i'd say 50% returned them when they got to the car and they were always people with older children.
However as in the states I've often wondered if the people walking back to the shop were wide open to prosecution.

My DS2 put some socks from a very low display in the tray of his pushchair when he was 2. When I found out I just went back to the shop and put them back on the display.I would have felt bad about keeping them.

It's too late to take them back now. And as for the flaming, I think we have all accidentally shoplifted! And then you mean to take it back, but never quite get round to it and it sits on your kitchen table for a week before DH notices and puts it away and it all gets forgotten...

But as for 2yo not understanding about paying, my DD is not quite 2 and knows that if you take things in a shop you must give them to the man or lady at the end and give them some money. She actually enjoys doing it and unfortunately has started handing things over I didn't know she had picked up! (which is much more embarrassing than accidental thievery, trust me!).

But FunkyCherry is very right, the shop staff lose bonuses if too much stuff is filched, so maybe next time it would be proper to poke your head in on the way back and sheepishly return the goods

Sorry, the middle of that post was a bit look at me, look at me! I just meant that I think of it as an important lesson to implement quite early... But maybe just me being a bit overly dippy...

Sod it. One was a mistake and one was a child not realising right from wrong.

DS had light fingers as a toddler, he was at least very good at this.

Too late now I think, but I would have returned/paid for them, just so I felt OK.

However, DS never ever got to keep what he had nicked, even if I went back and paid for it rather than returning it. And he got a telling off for it, toddler or not.

I think if your dc has taken something deliberately (e.g. sweets or a toy) then I think you should definitely take it back, more so that they see and understand that it's wrong to take stuff without paying, and you can't just take what you want. It's a good lesson and I can't imagine many shops prosecuting in such a case.
In the case of accidental thievery I would probably weigh up the scale of the theft and the ease of returning said item. DD2 took a bottle of loo-cleaner (lovely!) off a low shelf in Sainsbury's once, and I didn't notice her cuddling it until we got back to the car; it was raining, and I'm afraid I thought "oh sod it, they can afford to miss it" so it never went back. But a higher-value item from an independent shop.....different matter.