to want to sack elderly childminder?

[makeupmummy]

she is not bad,just that is in late sixties and not best health. She has watched ds (just 2yrs) since he was a baby a few days a month in my home while I work. Maybe once/twice week. all well when he baby, but now he mobile, v active,likes being outside.She not really able take him out as couldn't "rescue him" trampoline, soft play, park, etc, so either takes him out car/buggy to meet her friends and go their houses, or watches tv at ours. I feel guilty and have to rush back from wherever am working,then take him out to play,all v stressful. But AIBU as is only few days? Feel guilty all round!help

No, I think you are right that she's just not capable of meeting his needs at this stage. Let her down gently by all means but you need to find appropriate childcare.

she isn't a childminder as she works in your home, she is working as a nanny

there are strict rules on terminating employment, you need to get some decent advice

she is self employed, so ok there. Just feel bad

Mmmm tricky re: regs on her being SE but actually your nanny working in your home (making her an employee of sorts). Is she a registered childminder the rest of the time?

You need to get advice BUT as she passed retirement age I think you can compel her to retire.

very unusual for a long term nanny to be self employed, it's usually nannies who work a lot of temporary contracts back to back who can be classed as self employed by the Inland Revenue

be careful when you terminate, again I say, get advice first

I'm guessing this is "by stealth" and this is actually your MIL, and you are looking for ammunition to say "look DH, if we were paying for her to look after our children,. we'd stop paying her, so its no different that she is doing it for free..."

really just want to know if BU to want the arrangement to end, will work on the "how to do it" if necessary....

If she cannot meet his (and your) needs then it is not unreasonable to look for another childminder. You don't stick with someone who can't do the job just to be kind to them, that's bonkers!

However, you can do it kindly. Say your situation has changed, say you are looking to put the child in nursery now as you want the child to socialise more, you could suggest that she comes to yours socially now and again so she can still see the child (if she has become attached)

But the long and short of it is - if someone cannot do the job they are being paid for - don't keep them on!

YANBU to want to change who looks after your child, the child's needs have changed, but again I say she is not a CM

Considering that this is only a few days a month, in what ways are his needs not being met?

YABU to assume that an "elderly" woman is incapable of looking after a small child. There's more to caring for children than running after them, other ways to keep them occupied than tearing around. And many benefits to spending time with different generations.

Much depends on what the alternative would be, imo.

It's not just cos she not in first flush youth, agree that can be good thing. Just that he cooped up indoors or car, not doing anything really. He doesn't even get his nap up in his bed - think she may struggle stairs. I suppose age thing may be red herring, she just not really able to cope active toddler. It's really cos only a few days a month that i have doubts,couldn't have it every day,that's why your opinions welcome!

Why are you using a childminder who can't meet your child's needs? Are you nuts?

Oh, re-read it, she's not a childminder, she's someone you are getting to look after your child at home.

Still think you're mad to even consider this with someone so clearly not equipped for the job.

I would change him to someone else,this doesnt sound good.

Does not sound like appropriate care for 2 year old, however if its very occasional then its surely ok?

re: whether she is an employee or self employed boils down to a number of tests - think hard to argue that "nanny" is self employed as they use your equipment (toys) and have to turn up when you say.

That being said if its a very casual arrangement on very adhoc basis she probably is self employed eg does she have set hours eg every tuesday afternoon - and how does it work if she can't come then or goes on holidays (does she ask you or tell you)

Unless she's an employee, you just tell her its not working out as you need someone who can take your DS to the park / soft play etc etc.

Ithink you should consider whether your child is very fond of this woman. He may be very happy with her. Obviously, if she couldn't care for him safely, then you should end the arrangement, but it could be that he is happy to spend a few days each month just pottering with her and do the more active play with you. If he is the only child in her care, then he is getting lots of one to one attention. She could be reading and doing lots of beneficial but quiet activities with him. Feels a bit like you would be sacking his gran!

she is not a childminder.

she is either a babysitter or a nanny.

Now I have got that off my chest, YANBU if you feel she can't physically manage your son now he is more active. I think a few days a month of quiet play and not doing much is ok but it does depend on just how limited her care is IYKWIM. For example, if he was sick all over himself could she lift him in and out of the bath or carry him to bed? Just an example.

How does your DS seem when he's been with her for the few days? Does he seem cranky or wound up or miserable? If not, then maybe it's not so bad and the main problem is how guilty you feel about leaving him. Would you be feeling guilty if he had someone else for babysitting? Would you feel guilty if you got someone else and he had trouble getting used to her or missed the older lady and her friends who might all be nice and friendly to him?

mm, that's a point, don't think she could lift him, certainly not move him anywhere. Childminder point taken too!! Is ad hoc type arrangement,not fixed days. Also, want make clear am not expecting Mary Poppins (tho would be nice!), it's really play in the garden that I am thinking of...he quite happy pottering there, we do that all time, as am not big fan organised fun myself. Will maybe just wait for an east wind..

oh, and mathanxiety, will be riddled with guilt no matter what I do: my stock in trade!Have been agonising for ages as to what to do - will think on your words

How does she view the arrangement ? Maybe she's tired and doesn't feel up to the job either but doesn't want to let you down.
Time for a chat.

Think that may be true, she hints at it, but also know she kind of needs it...

Just wondering - is it worth asking her what she thinks of the situation? Does she feel she can physically take care of him? She may just be waiting till he goes to nursery to end the arrangemet herself.

It sounds like she has been with you for some time, so you should be able to have a frank discussion. In the end you can play the safety card - what would she do if he tantrums in the road? Or fell down the stairs?