to tell my husband I'm not helping

[leplan]

DH has booked his car in for a service tomorrow. He asked me to give him a lift back from the garage, I of course said yes that would be fine.

Tonight he says, 'right we all have to be up really early tomorrow to take my car as I have to be back home for 8am for a conference call at 8:30'. So basically I have to get both DSs (4 and 1) up, dressed and ready, as well as myself for 7:30 so I can drive to the garage to pick DH up.

I've told him to get a cab back which will cost him precisely £7 but he says he can't as it's too unreliable (it's nothing of the sort).

He as now sulking because I'm 'refusing to help him'

Differentname, although I agree in marriage we should help each other out, I'm a little at you getting a 5yr and 6mth out of bed to collect a drunk grown-up, when I'm presuming he could have got a taxi. Or crashed at a mates.

HE stays home with the kids, YOU bring the car to the garage and get home by cab.

Q, I love your thinking!

I'll suggest it

wastingaway, I am with differentname on this one. I would actually do that for my DH because I love him. I might whinge inwardly but I would do so anyway because he would do the same for me. For a long time when DH didnt drive I used to drop him off at work nearly every day during the summer holiday just to give him a break as his commute was very long due to having to change buses frequently. Needless to say this was for a short time only until he passed his test. At that time I had a 7 year old and a 10 month old. He totally appreciated it and I would do it again. Its called love

mumofthree, DH wouldn't do the same for me.

I love my husband but that doesn't mean ensuring the world revolves around him.

I have frequently driven him on 100 mile round trip to get his 'other' car serviced because I love him so very much.

However, in this instance he could slightly inconvenience himself by either getting a cab or rearranging the service or he could greatly inconvenience me instead. And he is sulking because I have suggested he does for former.

Mumofthree, I'd do that, but getting the kids up in the night cos their father had drunk too much ie. totally unplanned is quite different.

I don't see what the problem is with getting a taxi though.

It's time & motion - there's no common sense argument for the OP to chauffeur her dp in this situation.

If dh said to me in similar circs 'Right, everyone can get up at 7am OR I can spend £7 of the family budget on a taxi'

...then it'd be a no-brainer - normally, we're all up by that time, but at half-term, probably more like 8.

So - an awful lot of bad-tempered rushing around, just to save £7 on a cab which could easily be booked tonight. Why would you?

& more to the point, how on earth is the OP's dh being inconvenienced? Surely it's going to be easier for him to rely on a pre-booked minicab, than a carful of grouchy, sleepy & resentful family.

I can see where the OP's DH is coming from. I don't drive so am reliant on public transport/taxis...and taxis aren't always reliable. Particularly not at 8am in the morning. there's nothing worse than seeing the minutes tick away while you wait for a cab if you have somewhere you are meant to be (in this case, dealing with a conference call). It's reliability rather than cost which is the concern here. I would be the same in his shoes.

Am afraid I take the give him a lift approach. It's not early (said as someone who has always had to leave the house for work at 7.30am or earlier for the last however many years!) and it's literally going there and back, will take barely any of your time. Do it, then you have a favour in the bank, so to speak.

and just to say I cant bear the 'well if he'd asked nicely I would have..' stuff like he's about 3. I've had that said to me in the past, & its unbelievably irritating when you're on the receiving end!

wasting, he couldn't have stayed over tbh, and cabs here (Australia) cost a bloody bomb...but I offered. I didn't mind at all tbh. The girls went from bed-car-bed with no problem. It was, in total an hours trip. No biggie! It was pre arranged & saved $30 on a cab.

And my dh would pick me up from work at a pub 2 nights a week when dd1 was a baby & she was good as gold. (Again, before I could drive)

I don't see them as precious souls who's routine can't be disturbed every now & then. My FIL used to take his kids in the car every night to collect their mother from her night shift as a nurse (before she drove)

I really don't see the problem with doing that!

"but getting the kids up in the night cos their father had drunk too much ie. totally unplanned is quite different"

HUGE assumptions! My picking up my dh was pre arranged. I even offered to drop him off so he didn't need to collect his car in the morning, but it was a special occasion & he went straight from work! I really don't see what the problem is.

I don't do it regular, my dh spent 17 yrs picking me up from various places at various times before I would drive, so I am just as happy as he was ot repay the favour.

My kids are fantastic sleepers, so I doubt an hour here & there of driving is going to damage them.

Really, get some perspective!

How long will the conference call last?
Can he do the call at home giving you more time to get up/ready then take the car in after?

As for all the stropping about and who's right/wrong, it all sounds a bit petty (admittedly annoying, but petty) unless there's more to this than just a one off.

Sorry differentname, it read to me as though he'd gone in the car and then drunk too much.
And yes, I assumed you were in the UK and taxis are quite reasonable here.

I suppose because I'm not a driver that I just don't see the car as the first resort.

Are you up yet leplan?

I think you were unreasonable to not help tbh. It's not that early, the kids can go in the car in their pyjamas. Also cabs are notoriously unreliable, if he needs to be back at a certain time for an important conference call, it would be better if you drove him.

In the grand scheme of things it is not that much of a favour to do for your DH. You have the whole of the rest of that day to do what you want - why begrudge him half an hour of your time in the morning?

His childish reaction is crap, however I think your refusal to hel is also childish.

I'd do it. I don't see its such a big deal. But then DH would do the same for me no question.

What happened then Leplan?

That's ok, wasting. Although I'd still get him if it was unplanned, because it is a rare occurrence that he goes out. And I don't mind.

Booking cabs here is weird too, there are only 2 main ones here, and they have an automated service. So you call & are told to say when you want a cab for & it says 'a car will be despatched to the house where this call originated from'. The only time we used it, a cab never came! Luckily tho a friend dropped us home!

Well after much sulking huffing and puffing he went to bed - turned all lights out, refused to speak, nicked duvet etc etc. I went to sleep as I was shattered but apparently he couldn't sleep all night

However, this morning my children were obviously on his side as they both woke up at 6:15. Obviously, as we were all up and dressed anyway, I said it would be fine to take him.

We got there at 7:50 only to find that it didn't actually open until 8:30 . Luckily, someone just arrived as we were leaving.

DH was sheepish. When we got back he said (semi-accusingly), 'see, it wasn't worth all that aggravation was it'

Well quite