To want a bit more "looking after"?

[deliakate]

Am at my parents house, and I'm getting so fed up with everyone I speak to saying "oh, are you being looked after? Is it nice to have free babysitting?". My mum is barely doing anything to help, and behaving so peculiarly. I feel so unhappy, I just want to go home, but she will then get upset that we are not spending time with her, as she hardly ever sees us and lives a long way away.
I am pathetic, I know. But when you visit your parents, do you expect it to be a bit of a break for you, or do you basically cook and do look after your children totally as normal?

If my DIL, DS and DGS visited (and stayed - they only live 15 minutes away!) I'd expect to cook, make tea etc, but most of the childcare would be down to them.

But then, they lived here till quite recently, so the rythym is different.

"". My mum is barely doing anything to help, and behaving so peculiarly."

Is she ill? What is she doing that is peculiar?

When we visit my Mum we do all the childcare, cooking etc (she has MS so think she likes the break and DP is a vegetarian, which is totally incomprehensible to my Mum!) When she visits us (like after I had DD2) its like having another child in the house - in a nice way - she spends her entire time playing with DD1

If she played with DS that would be lovely.

She is feeling under the weather, but she has always felt under the weather since I was small. Maybe I should be more sympathetic, but is been pretty much constant for 30 years.

She mentioned to me that her own mother did nothing with us children when we were small, so it feels like she begrudges us now because of that.

Whoa, she sounds well toxic. YANBU. Just do what's expected, try to be somewhere else in your head and lock yourself away with a bottle of wine / large Galaxy in the evening. Good luck!

When I go to stay with my parents, it's like staying at a 5* hotel, with childcare and a chauffeur, for free!

Very for the OP.

My mum completely takes over. She has done ever since my DC were tiny. She'd hear them wake up, wait for me to feed, then whisk them off downstairs.

PIL - more tricky. But that's because we don;t really know what to do around each other. Still. After 20 years

I do stuff like washing up, cook breakfast but it's always a battle as they don't want me to lift a finger.

When I go to visit my Mum it's like being at a posh health spa. Really excited about staying there for a few days next week!

Sorry, that sounded gloaty...YANBU, it's nice to 'look after' whoever is staying in your house. Agree with ItsGraceAgain, she sounds very trying.

I can see both sides TBH, when I see my mum I am usually there doing gardening, looking after the dogs, helping eith something or another and it's definatly not a holiday but on the other hand, when we used to go to my grandparents it was more of a holiday in that they cooked, looked after us etc. but then we'd all help make hay etc. I find it more hassle at my mums, trying to keep my DCs from trashing the place, clearing up straight away rather than leaving things until when the DCs go to bed etc.

My Mum does all the cooking, cooks extra things for DS if he can't have what we're having and generally makes a fuss.

We do most of the actual childcare though, she does like to do the odd nappy change or getting dressed, but I would never expect her too. DS does like to go and climb into their bed in the mornings and have cuddles and stories, which is lovely for DH and I as we get half an hour in bed in peace with a cup of tea (made by my Dad usually).

I think age makes a big difference, mine are in their early 60's and very fit and healthy, I'm sure that things will change gradually as they get older or if they became ill.