I love my DP more than life itself, even more than my GBH hair straighteners. Our 3 week relationship has not been an easy ride, nowhere near as easy a ride as you might get from Mr Dodgy's Dodgy Minicabs who BTW drove me to the labour ward when I was having our 5 year old DS and his 3 year old twin sister.
But now DP doesn't seem to love me. He has changed his aftershave from Rampant Stud to Eau de Christopher Biggins, he farts under our Sleepcomfeeeee duvet and shoves my head down there, and recently he bought me some chav jewellerry instead of the diamonds I wanted.
And he picks his nose and wipes the results on our Fondle and Dork paintwork.
Please don't tell me to leave him. I know our love is true. As true and deep as this post is.
That will be 50 quid and I might throw in a handjob behind a skip as well.