to want to "steal" back nanny?

[MumNWLondon]

I had a wonderful nanny who looked after DD (now 6) and DS1 (now 4) from when they were babies. But when DS1 started nursery in Sept 09 I reduced her hours (as he was at nursery, in DD's school from 8.30-3.20 each day). I helped the nanny find a job with one of my friends.

DS2 was born in April and I hope to go back to work in October and once again will need a full day nanny.

My wonderful nanny came round with a baby present for DS2 and told me that her new job wasn't so good as the Dad works from home and she can't discipline the kids as they run upstairs to their Dad. Also she feels the Mum has made unreasonable demands (she told me what they were, I can see it from both sides).

Anyway I said I was going back to work in October and was about to start looking for a nanny...she asked if she could be my nanny again....

But I am very worried how my friend will see this, and don't want to fall out over it. But then the wonderful nanny could quit anyway and go and work for someone else???

I think your children should come first and they want your old Nanny. Simple.

The poor nanny! I admit it was hard to take a 4 week hit of paying a nanny and not needing her early on in her employment but there was no way I would have done something like your friend did!

The nanny has a good out, you know - she could say that the 'nanny share' isn't as enjoyable as working for a single family. That way the situation is what is at fault, and not your friend, IYSWIM.

Perhaps a way for the nanny to leave without offending your friend too badly?

Tricky one.

Could you do a nanny share with your friend?

If not, I would get nanny to speak to your friend as a first step with the aim of resolving issues. Then leave it open by saying she can talk to you again if she decides she still wishes to leave her current post.

If she then comes back to you and says the issues are not resolved and she would like to return to you then ask her to let you know when she has handed her notice in. Then speak to your friend sharpish. I wouldnt talk to your friend first as if nanny decides to stay it would be very awkward if your friend had been made aware of the problems.

Of course this all depends on how you think your friend will feel. Will she think you shafted her no matter how you do this as really you can't say anything until the nanny does which makes it seem a bit calculated. If in doubt you might have to find another nanny. Imagine seeing your friend 3 months after the nanny has returned to you. Would it be awkward to mention the nanny? If in doubt forget it. I think this is one that you can only do if you have a very good friendship and you know the person will be fine or you are not that friendly with and dont mind souring your friendship over.

Could the nanny go to your friend and say "look, I have to be honest, looking after small babies is what I like most. My ex-employer will be looking for a nanny soon for her newborn and I really want the job".

yanbu and I would do the same! But wait till she has quit her job before offering her one "offically" with you!

Thanks for all the advise - yes nanny desperate to get hands on my baby (will be 5 months when i go back to work, nanny already excited at thought of little baby and making his purees!). Also in other family youngest starts nursery (just 9-12 though) in Jan 2011, so nanny is wondering what happens then to her.

I said to nanny she must make it clear that she does not feel she has been treated well, so that if/when she resigns it will not be a surprise. I do think friend behaved in unreasonable way re: the 6 weeks away but think this could have been handled differently if she had discussed it properly.

Friend is an only child who thinks that everything must evolve round her, I don't think it would have even occured to her that she should have discuused with nanny.