to be an adult and be scared of the dark

[zerominuszero]

Not so much AIBU and more like 'am I completely mental'. I'm in my late twenties and lead a reasonable normal life - good job, happily married etc (no kids yet). But there is one thing about me and I'm slightly worried that it means I am totally bonkers - I am scared of the dark. Or rather, I get scared when I am left in the flat on my own in the evening and find it extremely difficult to get to sleep on my own (which is thankfully a rare occurrance). Sometimes even when my partner is around I can even feel a bit wimpish getting up in the night to use the bathroom. The thing that scares me is that I imagine (and bear in mind that this is going to sound very strange) that there are ghosts lurking behind every corner. I know, it's crazy, but I've had this my entire life. I suspect it might be something to do with growing up in a big family and virtually never being left alone until I was a teenager.

My partner is the only person I have ever confided in and they can barely even believe that I really have this, so weird it is. I just wonder if there is anyone out there in the universe who can empathise at all. Or am I completely on my own on this one?

thanks for your thoughts

Me too! I thought I was the only one. When I worked night shift I absolutely hated having to do hourly checks of patients rooms.

If DH is away I have to put some music on quietly or I can't fall asleep imagining I can hear burglars. Once I spent ages absolutely terrified convinced I could hear a burglar rustling a carrier bag downstairs. It was only after about 20 minutes lying there absolutely terrified and unable to move that I realised it was the rain against the windows!

Not sure how I'll cope if he goes away now we have DD - she's 13 mo and I've never been on my own in the house with her.

me too!!! If DH is here, I'm fine and feel safe but if he is away for work, i have to have the dog in bed with me, a lamp and the tv on (but with volume low so I could hear should a predator attack!). I have always been this way and put it down to an overactive imagination. As a teenager, I would go to bed clutching a crucifix (slightly extreme I realise).
As an adult, I have had night terrors where I wake up screaming which is freaky because I start to wonder if something has caused me to scream such as a noise or someone in the room etc.
As I get older, I am not so scared of horror films or ghosts etc but still panic about intruders...and maybe ghosts a little bit.

Lots of people on here have mentioned horror or paranormal type films. My neighbour is convinced her house is haunted... it's not, I used to look after it for the last owners when it was empty. She watches all this type of stuff too. Why do folk do this to themselves? The imagination is a powerful thing.

I hate sleeping in the dark too but it's not because I'm frightened of ghosts or whatever. As a child I once slept in a room so dark I could see nothing at all and spent the night terrified that I had gone blind but would not know it until morning.

DH hates it when we stay at a hotel with blackout blinds and I make him leave them open.

dh and ds camped out ina tent last sat nigth, int he garden.

i kept all lights on itn he house...in case they came in fora wee inthe nihgt.

but was for me relalyc os was scardy cat, cnat bear it am very scared of dark.

puff

I'm 24 and am the same. So relieved I'm not a complete loon.

I hate having to go to the toilet at night, sometimes I'll stay awake for hours rather than get up .

I'm especially scared if I stay at my parents big old house alone. I've resorted to staying awake till dawn in the past.

I also have an irrational fear of looking out of ground floor windows when it's dark outside - I'm always convinced someone will be standing outside looking in at me.

Another nocturnal scaredy cat here!! I loathe the dark, I blame my parents for moving us to a 500 year old house in the middle of a wood at the end of a country lane when I was ten. I used to hate it when I was on my own (not when I was ten of course, I was much older by then) and used to cower under the covers with our dog - she wasn't much use, the friendliest collie you've ever met, she was a terrible guard dog! From then on a phobia was born.

shockers I think we watch these films because scaring ourselves is quite thrilling when you're sitting with your dh/family/friends and the lights on, it's only later on that night when you're the only one awake that you realise you're actually bricking it. The film that always does it for me is The Sixth Sense, when the little boy goes to the loo at night and a ghost walks past him while he's in the bathroom (those thermostats going down give me the willies)

I absolutely hate bfing dd at night because I'm such a scaredy cat! Thank God for the summer and it getting light at 5am!

I'm not too bad in this house 'cos I feel safe here (not sure why). But we went to a cottage in Wales pre-kids - it was in the middle of the country, completely pitch black and silent at night. I was terrified.

I'm a bit better than I used to be though - used to have night terrors where I would leap out of bed and switch the light on, thinking an enormous spider had crawled across my hand/ there was a scary bloke at the foot of the bed, etc. I still don't like it when DP is away/ out late and find it hard to sleep without him there - mostly lie awake worrying that the kids are going to wake up. Quite often get spooked going down for a wee in the night tho'.

And I never watch or read anything remotely scary. I am a complete wuss. Even that Dr Who with the weeping angels freaked me out for weeks.

I think being scared of the dark is probably important for human beings. We are the descendants of people who were scared of the dark and took care, hence survived long enough to reproduce. Mr 'What on earth are you worried about you daft woman' would have been eaten by a sabre toothed tiger.

If you think about it, artificial light that allows people to stay up at night has only been around for what, less than 150 years? It's just not normal and of course our subconscious minds aren't used to it. Our bodies and brains are designed to huddle up with other humans for safety while it's dark, sleep through the hours without light and get up at daybreak.

(My mother confessed to me once that she only got over her own fear of the dark once she had us - because it was her job to comfort us so she couldn't afford to be scared. I was quite impressed as I don't think ds being scared would be enough to stop me being scared, probably make it worse if anything.)

Me, too, another one. I've always been like this and even though rationally I know there's nothing to be scared of somehow, I am.

I live in a big old Victorian house and if I need the bathroom in the night I have to put the landing light on and if I need to go downstairs for anything (though I avoid it unless I have to), I put all the lights on as I go, though I hate having to go to the dark bit to put them and on and also hate putting them off again and having the dark behind me as I go upstairs (I usually run!).

My father in law, who lived here also, died before christmas (not in the house) and I keep having thoughts of him....Also hated bf at night and needed to have the tv on in place of a light to "survive".

I think it's reasonable to assume as some posters have suggested that it's an evolutionary thing, which makes me feel much better about this fear.

Honestly, this is one of the most reassuring threads I've read on mn!

HeadFairy that scene from Sixth Sense is exactly what I picture when I have to get up to go to the loo in the night.

I am very sensible and yet I struggle to sleep when DH is away. I have to have the radio on (and even then I worry about some scary voice coming through the radio to me alone) and can never get to sleep until gone midnight.

Weirdly I love feeling scared and watching scary movies normally, but only if DH is there to protect me from my imagination.

And after the film "Mirrors" I can't look in the mirror either in case there is a small child looking back at me.

This is a phobia that nearly rules my life! (I only say nearly cos its only dark for half the day!) I have always been terrified of the dark and its never got any better! I absolutely cannot be on my own indoors when its dark, I can't walk into a dark room... (this is worse than you think, when me and my hubby were looking for our new house we had to check were all the light switches were so I could turn the light on without having to step foot into the room...) I hate being scared of the dark but my whole family is so we all look out for each other!
I noticed that like me a lot of you watch scary films, even though we all know its gonna make he fear worse! I'd really love to know the psychology behind that, it seem a really silly thing to want to do!

I'm a Stephen King fan. I always have a light on.

ozziegirly I have the same phobia about baby monitors.... I always expect to hear some creepy voice coming from ds's room!

I am forty one and still can't get into bed without checking underneath it for 'something.' I am not even sure what I am looking for. A burgler? Monster? Evil Mr Punch puppet?

Not even my DP knows I do this - I always sneak a look when he is out of the room.

I also hate being in a garden alone at night - I am always convinced I am being 'watched' from the shadows especially if the house behind me is brightly lit.
[shudders]

So do I Headfairy!

another one here. I am scared of the dark, I can sleep in it but get scared of mirrors in the dark and anywhere strange. I don't sleep very well when DH is away, or even out for the evening.

We once stayed in a cottage in a forest. I was so scared I had to wake up DH when I needed to go to the loo in the night. The bathroom was next door.

I don't mind the city at night but the countryside TERRIES me. I hyperventilate if I have to walk through it.

I am also scared of mirrors, ghosts, monsters, zombies and murderers. My last 'scary' film was Shaun of the Dead. That scared me. Dr Who is my limit and those bloody angels gave me the willies for weeks!

This is a great thread.

OP you are normal.

I have the ghost fear. To try and control it I say to myself...

1. If you saw a ghost, there is no evidence it could harm you. Ghosts get a bad press from film/ horror industry but there's no real reason to think that they would hurt you. Lots of people claim to have seen ghosts but very few claim to've been harmed by one. No one has ever seriously claimed to see a zombie and no ghost reports indicate that they have the physical ability to use weapons.

1. If you saw a ghost, you would know for sure that ghosts exist, proving that your fear was not irrational!

1. If the ghost appeared to you and no one else, they must have a reason. They're probably not trying to freak you out, just get you to help them.

I know it's bonkers but it helps me a bit. I also don't really believe in ghosts. Except when it's dark.

Another here who is scared of the dark. Very reassuring to know there are so many others. OP YANBU!

What is unreasonable is that it is night time where I am in the world and I'm supposed to be going to bed, but now I'm too scared!!

im the same, especially after watching the ring/the grudge

i will never stick my head through an attic opening. never

oohoo yes zombieplanB, I can't walk in the dark in the countryside either! haha. forgot about that one. Last time DP and I went away (before kids) we had to walk back from evening out along unlit country lanes... I was almost in tears...

Yep I am also scared of the dark and hate going to the toilet during the night. I don't usually watch scary movies but in a way they fascinate me so occasionally do but after watching the ring I hating going to the loo at night even more cos the bathroom door is at the top of the stairs and when I'm sitting on the loo I imagine opening the door and that creepy girl will be crawling up the stairs!

Also Sixth Sense was the scariest movie ever!!! That night I had to sleep with the light on and that was with my DH lying right next to me!

And tonight I'm in on my own with my DS - DH is working and won't be in for another couple of hours and this thread though I'm loving it is giving me the heebie jeebes - I'm scared to go into the kitchen for another glass of wine cos the light is off in there!!!

Another one who's scared of the dark. I started reading Stephen King when I was twelve. When I was home alone as a teenager, I used to hang towels over all windows and mirrors so that I wouldn't see anything scary. I am 29 now, but I'm still afraid. I don't read Stephen King anymore, though. After watching Blair Witch Project when that came I've refused point blank to watch anything scary - if friends have wanted to see such movies, I've said okay, but then I'll have to go home.

I relented some years ago because I - for some reason that had nothing at all to do with John Cusack - wanted to see Identity. Weeks went past before I dared entering the basement laundry again (there was a head in a washing machine...), and when I was in my bed trying to sleep, I would see this little boy...

After this, I've managed to stop myself before thinking "I can handle it" when it comes to movies/books. My limit now seems to be Dr. Who/Torchwood/Buffy. And even that tips over sometimes - there is a statue at my Uni eerily like those don't blink angels and I shudder each time I walk by (and eyeball it steadily). And the small children with the gas masks? Brrrrr.

It's so frustrating because at the same time I love the dark - night is my favourite time, and I would love to be able to walk through the woods alone at nighttime without going completely mental. I thought it would help to take the dog with me, but that makes it ten times worse, what with her sniffing at things and hearing things - and suddenly standing still and going stiff at things. I don't know what it is with the woods that is freaking me out, but I can walk along the road to where another road goes into the wood, and just the sight of all the trees standing there in the dark makes me want to run.

While the sound of loud partying from my neighbours' flat at this hour does not scare me at all. Even though I know they invite the strangest people and I've heard in the hallway how absolutely smashed they are.

OMG! And I thought I was alone in this, too

I'm so scared of the dark, I have to have a friend stay over if DH is away for the night! I. Seriously. Cannot. Sleep. Alone. In. The. House.

And as for listening to/reading scary films/books - my scariest ever threshold is Agatha Christie!

I'm a real wimp, me.

32, btw, married, 2DC..... Reading some of the above, I'm going to be like this forever, aren't I?!