to think kids at weddings aren't such a good idea after all?

[champagnesupernova]

So was at a wedding at the weekend with my 2 y/o toddler
Ceremony was family only as a small venue.
We all arrived at the reception around 2.30
Kids had been warmly welcomed and the couple had thoughtfully provided a children's entertainer for a couple of hours, so we took DS. (wedding was 200 miles away from home)

But reception was at a pub which wasn't exclusive to the wedding party. It was also mostly outside and weather was sadly cold and drizzly with dry spells.

So, come 7.30 after we'd had a bite and watched the first dance, we were a bit stuck as to what to do with DS who was absolutely knackered but unlikely to go to sleep in a pushchair outside with music playing and other older kids still having fun. Added to which, DH and I were knackered keeping him out of trouble.

So we left. I have never left a wedding so early in my life but had to do what was right for DS really.

We didn't have kids at our wedding as we were the second of our peers to get hitched and we only knew one pg mate and 2 DN who were part of the bridal party who were taken home after the ceremony by a babysitter to sleep.

I have seen SO MANY threads about this on MN about kids being an integral part of what is essentially a family celebration and I get that but, seriously, wtf are you meant to do with them at bedtime?!

AIBU to think it really IS better to leave the little darlings at home?

I don't think it's unreasonable to leave them at home at all, or even to ask that children not attend. I think one of the issues is with people who DEMAND that there be absolutely, positively no children under any circumstances, which kind of puts parents who might really want to be there in a terrible position.

I probably wouldn't bring my DCs to a wedding, even though they would probably enjoy it...but I have that option if I so choose, not everyone is in that same situation.

I prefer to go home early with my dc and having seen them enjoy the day, for me a couple of hours for them to have a day out is great.

If no kids on invite then it is great for just me and dp if we want to go. I am happy either way it is the brides day and if she wants a adult occasion then fine no kids but if she wants a day centered round children then I am happy to go and leave early. It is all down to personal choice but then I have 3 cousins ages 10, 12,13 and a sister age 9 who do most of the running around .

Just because children are welcomed doesn't mean you are actually obliged to take them... So you could always have left him if you wanted to stay up...

it depends on the wedding.

It sounds like the venue and the distance made it tricky for your DC. My kids aren't able to just fall asleep anywhere - they like their beds! We'd have left too but hopefully we'd have known enough about the wedding venue to not take them in the first place.

I am very much looking forward to a Wedding I am going to in June - not taking the kids to the evening do and just looking forward to dancing with OH on the dance floor and perhaps too much champers.

I'm just back from a wedding with my two year old - it was fantastic! But we knew there would be other children, and that arrangements had been made etc.

I think it is so subjective and depends on so many factors.. age of baby, where the do is, what the do is.

last wedding we went to was my brother's and my DCs were 10 and 4 so not babies. my sister ws tehre with her DCs, aged 3 and 4 weeks, and we shared the cost of a sitter in the hotel room for the DCs.. although in relaity DSis spent most of her time with her newborn at the wedding breastfeeding. the do was in teh hotel and there were plenty of other children .

under those circs, kids needing to go to bed was no issue.. the could be taken directly upstairs and put to bed, we were all staying there anyway.

i think it can't be a blanket rule

I've taken mine to 2 very different weddings - one was an early (morning) wedding, lovely sunny day, spent the time playing outside with older cousins supervising them, dozed during the afternoon lull, conked out at about 8.30 in their buggies.

Next wedding - later in the day so slept before we went, cold, raining, no other children, family who were going to be 'on hand' to help mysteriously disappeared to chat to great aunt edna, DCs had slept in the day so wouldn't drop off easily in the buggy, me exhausted from keeping them occupied. So they ended up in their beds with me upstairs for most of the evening too.

Depends on the time of the wedding, ages of the children etc. I had tried to line up an evening babysitter for the second wedding but no-one was available.

Life changes when you have children you either have to let them have a late night or leave them behind for us if a wedding was 200 miles away we would have to take them with us we don't have anyone to leave them with. You can't really turn up to a family wedding without your children. I would have just left when my children were getting whiny or fed up. I*f I was desperate to stay we would have booked a room near by. Children grow up so fast I am sure teenagers at weddings might be tricky to. At our wedding it was the older one who didn't sit to well at the reception

We have done a mixture of getting them picked up at 7.30ish by a babysitter, taking away from the noise, rocking to sleep in buggy and then returning and letting them stay up hyper and leaving around 10. If no babysitter we take buggy and play it by ear.

I have only ever taken dcs to siblings weddings. Would have absolutely no interest in taking them to a non-family wedding - I want to be able to enjoy myself and catch up with friends. I have declined invitations to a few weddings when a dc was too young to be left.

But then weddings are very over-rated IMO.

A couple of close friends couldn't make my wedding for various reasons and there were no hard feelings on either side. (We only had children where the parents were travelling from abroad and wouldn't have known anyone to babysit where the wedding was)

Ultimately it is up to the parents to take the kids or not, if they are invited. You didn;t need to take your ds, but surely it is better to take them and allow them to be a part of it but then leave early? It's just one of those things that you do as a parent.

My 7 yr old was fine at the wedding we attended at the weekend, he didn't crash and burn till 11:30 pm.

We are going to a wedding at the weekend with 5 month old dd - dh will stay and i will take her back to the hotel at bedtime. We have another wedding in August when we are leaving her with my mum for the night (who she spends lots of time with and knows v well). You can't have everything and be everywhere, so we're trying to compromise!! Hope you enjoy yourself whatever you do .

We have just attended something even worse to do with a young DC, an evening wedding event as the couple got married abroad.

Event started at 7pm so 4 yr old DS tired before it even kicked off properly. Luckily some older children to play with but as a result he got knackered quickly. We cut our losses at 8.30pm and took turns to sit with him in the hotel room. DH didn't mind as I brought him up a pint of real ale and a selection from the buffet.

We are bringing him to an all day wedding in June, but another friend is bringing her 5 yr old daughter, plus we have a room at the venue so can bail out.

Agree it is more relaxing without children, but if people are kind enough to invite all of us we want to be there and if it is during the day then DS can be active for a reasonable part of it.

What you were expecting to happen at 7.30pm? Camp beds to be put in a snug for the little ones? What would you usually do if you were out, surley youexpected to have to leave early if you took him? Or you should have made arrangements for someone to collect him. Your choice to take your DC or not, nice that you had the option.

Agree with you Op. Just can't understand how people get so demanding about bringing their children to weddings.

I use weddings as an excellent excuse to have a child-free weekend . Get quite pissed off if they are invited tbh, as then I feel a bit guilty for dumping DS on the grandparents.

Do they enjoy weddings? Only over a certain age surely?

Surely the point is that many people don't have anyone to leave their kids with for a whole day or overnight; weddings often require a long journey and thus not just a simple babysitting for the evening job; and attendance at weddings is often viewed as almost compulsory. so, it can just be very very difficult to be there if your children are required not to be. for me, it would mean either dh or myself would attend the wedding, but we couldn't both.
i have no problem people CHOOSING to have a child free weekend. Gawd, I'd love to have one myself (though I wouldn't want to waste it at a wedding!!)

I'm35 and I would honeslty be sur[rised if me and dh go to another wedding with the kids

it has tailed off though

there were a couple of hideous summers where we had 5 weddings to go to byt this year none at all and last yr was the same

just waiting for people to get divorced and marry for the 2nd time

TBH, I'm sort of agreeing with all of you here. I was just wondering what the consensus was on what happens "at night" iykwim.

We took the buggy with plans to play it by ear as moomaa suggested - wanted to be sociable, wanted to be part of mate's Big Day. That's actually what we did - we had to play it by ear and we got to 7.30ish and realised that he wasn't going to sleep and we would be better off heading back to the hotel.

Certainly wasn't expecting camp beds to be rolled out,
but distance from home, finding a babysitter etc was a problem and perhaps we should have left him with Gps or something. We have turned down wedding invitations due to not being able to envision how DS would fit into the day - and maybe we should have done so here.

You'd think I'd have learned - have been having probs with DS and weddings since before he was BORN! Had a massive AIBU thread about a child-free invite and whether b/f infants counted as kids before I was even 8 months preg!

We have a bit of a family issue with this atm - big family wedding, my kids invited but not my db's kids - mine are much younger and live with me, youngest will be 4mo, so I wouldn't be happy leaving it all day, db sees his every other weekend - I reckon this is fair enough and if you can leave kids at home all the better really - my mother is LIVID.

Last wedding we went to dd was a flower girl - she had a lovely time, but gosh it was stressful keeping her quiet in church, and really weddings are best when a) you don't have kids and b) you can get a bit drunk

Went to one once where children were welcomed but had to come dressed as animals - very strange, but they did look cute.

I think 2 years old is probably the trickiest sort of age. When they're babies they'll sleep anywhere, and when they're a bit older they'll be able to stay up that bit later. We had a wedding last summer but it was nearby so we got parents to pick up ds and then enjoyed the late bit by ourselves. I probably wouldn't take DCs to a wedding 200m away until they're older

Depends on the kids, depends on the wedding. Actually I agree with nearlytoolate - we've got two weddings this year, both abroad, and so going without the children isn't really an option. There's a big difference between going somewhere down the road for an afternoon/evening and being away for a weekend. I think you have to accept that if you take your dcs you will have to keep an eye on them and possibly leave earlier earlier than you would if you were child-free. That said both mine love weddings, understand that they have to be on their best behaviour and so far have never let me down. Wouldn't make a fuss if they weren't invited, just wouldn't go.

My eldest has been to 4 weddings in the first two years (all aunties and uncles too!) and loved them all and looking forward to ours next year (mini-wedding planner). I would not think twice about going to a wedding with my children, but I would leave if and when they started getting restless.

I don't care if brides plan childfree weddings, it's up to them. What does make me angry is comments that guests are showing how good a friend they are for not wanting to leave their BF baby at home (yes, I've heard that from more than one bride!) I won't leave my BF baby behind and older than that it would depend on many factors and if the couple can't accept that not inviting my children means I can't come then they're showing how good a friend they really are.

The other one I've heard is that parents should be grateful! Um... no!