to think that if you're going to tell off someone else's child, you should take some steps to make sure your own children aren't doing exactly the same thing

[azazello]

This happened on Friday but is still rankling so I thought you could all tell me IABU so I get some perspective...

I took DD (3) and DS (5m) to the park on Friday. DD rushed off and started playing on the climbing frame while I got DS out of the buggy. I then heard someone shouting, turned round and saw a woman telling DD off quite forcefully because she had been climbing up the climbing frame at the same time as this woman's toddler son. DD had climbed around as far as I could see - she hadn't trampled the toddler. Anyway, I got DD down, apologised to the other mother and told DD she had to wait to make sure littler children had finished climbing up. DD decided to leave it and go off and play on the swings instead.

A few minutes later, this mother came over to the swings with her toddler and older DS who looked about 5. All swings were in use. The 5yo announced he wanted to go on the swings and grabbed DD's swing and pushed her off. He then got on. The mother didn't say anything at all. I stopped the swing, told him that was not a nice thing to do and to get off the swing as DD was playing on it. He made a fuss but did so. His mother didn't say anything but gave me very evil looks.

I feel quite annoyed about it still. I have no problem with her telling DD off but think she should have told her own child off for something which (IMO at least) was worse.

Playgrounds - ahhh!! She shouldn't have told your dd off for going on the limbing frame & you were right to tell her son off at the swings. Didn't she say anything to him?

She's probably really embarrassed!

I doubt it, Shaz. She sounds like one of those that thinks everyone should bend over backwards to accomodate her child.

Her child gets his own way at all times, other peoples children must give him his own way.

He should have the climbing frame - get down other child you are in the way.

He wants the swing - get off it other child MY son should have what he wants.

I know the type.

She sounds like a right princess - as Hecate says, she obviously thinks her DC have top rights over the playground equipment.

Loon.

Don't sweat over it - you did the right thing - there is no reasoning with people like her.

But how satisfying that her own kid showed her up. Stupid woman!

At least you got the chance to tell her off!

If it were me, I'd be glad her child behaved so badly - perfect opportunity for you to return the "parenting" lesson.

Good for you, standing up for yourself and DD.

Cow. Good for you, though, showing your DD that those who dish it must take it, too. Don't stop interfering; you're doing the right thing. Pushing a child off the swing is dangerous, and is the sort of behaviour which must always be challenged.

Even when it's not a matter of danger, I tell off both my own child and other children for pushing, and my DS seems to be learning something, as he will now apologise properly and willingly when prompted. I am happy for other people to tell him off if they catch him at something, as consistency is important in getting little ones to learn.

I tell other people's children off if they are endangering (can't think of a less dramatic word) but then I also expect my children to behave accordingly too.

If I was in the other woman's position I'd have been mortified by DD's behaviour and told her off and made an exasperated comment to other mum about how hard children are to keep control of.

The other woman probably wasn't mortified at all though - and she'll have such a 'charming' child

Good on you, I would have done the same, i believe that if you dish it out you have to be able to take it as well.

The sad thing is that my DD doesn't understand why she should have to behave when other get away with being inconsiderate.

I am constantly correcting my dd 3.2 at the park. She loves wheeled things, and has a nosy at the bikes and scooters, i am forever telling her not to touch other peoples things, they might not like it. She is still a bit developmentally young for her age and is still learning.

" The sad thing is that my DD doesn't understand why she should have to behave when other get away with being inconsiderate. "

Ah, but they're not getting away with it, with you around, NoseyNooNo!

No you're right to be annoyed. I can't bear other people telling my child off before I get a chance to, and I do, it's just not their place. If another child puts DD in any danger, I move her out of the way and might tell the other child to be careful, as much as for themselves as for DD. So I'd make them aware, but I wouldn't tell them off.

You do get those parents who take the 'correcting' too far. Last week a woman really dug her heels in with her young daughter (under 2) for not waiting her turn with another child of the same age. They ended up leaving the park with the child in hysterics. It was a bit much. Yes guide them, but in proportion.

I think I've waffled off the subject a bit there......

Moomin I have done that with my dd but she is at an age wereby she should understand how to behave. I told her 3 times that she was to use the park equipment properly (she was being unsafe on it) or i would tae her home, after the third time i said to her that we are going home beause you were being silly on the equipment, cue hysterics. If I say something i tend to follow through, now she is much better on them. DD has very little danger concept.

YANBU, disgraceful behaviour for her child to push yours off the swing then get on with her saying nothing!! Good on you for speaking up, I would have been too afraid probably. Like someone else said, at least her child showed her up after she told yours off.

I agree that you should follow through with punishments, but this child was so small and the Mum just whisked her off with no warning and probably no clear idea of why. I suppose what I'm thinking is that we should feel comfortable enough to let our children learn in these situations. It's so easy to get riled by other parents, but all these incidents are important learning curves for the children. Azazello should take comfort in the fact that the other mothers inconsistent style will probably land her in more playground feuds in the future - serves her right!

I agree that you should follow through with punishments, but this child was so small and the Mum just whisked her off with no warning and probably no clear idea of why. I suppose what I'm thinking is that we should feel comfortable enough to let our children learn in these situations. It's so easy to get riled by other parents, but all these incidents are important learning curves for the children. Azazello should take comfort in the fact that the other mothers inconsistent style will probably land her in more playground feuds in the future - serves her right!

Thanks all very much. Glad to know I'm not totally overreacting!

I'm very much happier thinking her own child showed her up rather than getting worked up about why her children are better than mine.