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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to tell my DS 5 yrs that....

24 replies

mumbar · 30/05/2010 19:49

Ok I probably am being unreasonable so WWYD??

Not sure why but DS 5.10 has suddenly become very demanding. If the phone rings he will talk incesstantly at me demanding food/ drink even if he has just had some and gone off to play 2 seconds before.

Yesterday and today everytime I have gone to the bathroom he has knocked on the door wanting food and drink. Once today after I had made him one and he was drinking it when I went.

I have been replying with 'is it an emergency, do you need an ambulance?' 'if not then i'm not disussing it when I'm on the toilet'. I haave then ignored him when he's said no.'

I understand children need attention but it seems this just seems to be a 'behaviour' he has discovered. I have spent hours today playing with him.

So go on flame me and tell me WWYD??

OP posts:

LetThereBeRock · 30/05/2010 19:50

YADNBU.

orienteerer · 30/05/2010 19:51

Sounds like an entirely normal "phase" to me .

compo · 30/05/2010 19:53

Tell him firmly that he is to be polite and it is not polite to ask for things when you're on the loo/ on the phone

then give him loads of cuddles and spends lots of time doing fun things together in half term cos he sounds insecure to me

colditz · 30/05/2010 19:53

Perhaps not spend so many hours playing with him, so that he doesn't feel your absence so strongly when you need to do other things? It sounds like he needs to get used to being as independent at home as he will be at school.

I have a 7 year old and a 4 year old and I CRACKED down on this last year.

I will not speak to them on any subject while I am on the toilet, on the phone or serving dinner. They get told to WAIT.

Egg · 30/05/2010 19:53

My three always rev up the noise as soon as I am on the phone asking inane questions and screaming loudly. They also all try to crowd into the loo when I go, and if I don't let them in they bang on the door and DS2 esp sobs as though I have left home.

I also use various "hospital" related arguments (ie if they are ignoring me I say "I think we need to take you to hospital for a hearing test"). Argh.

YANBU.

colditz · 30/05/2010 19:54

he doesn't sound insecure at all to me, he sounds like he's not used to having his mother's attention diverted away from him.

colditz · 30/05/2010 19:55

I have also (sarcastic bitch mother) started saying "I am a person, not an appliance. You don't treat Mrx teacher like this, don't do it to me."

onepieceoflollipop · 30/05/2010 19:56

My 6 year old dd does this whenever I sit down with a coffee.

(I do give her lots of attention at other times)

I find it really really irritating/frustrating.

lazarusb · 30/05/2010 19:57

Would you be able to sit down with him and explain why you need him to leave you alone sometimes? Not saying it will work but might be worth a try...

Egg · 30/05/2010 19:58

colditz me too, I say to DS1 that apparently he is nothing but polite to nursery staff and would never scream at them etc, so don't scream at me.

He says "but I LOVE you mummy........".

Original poster

mumbar · 30/05/2010 19:59

god no he plays for literally hours alone in his room - he is an only child. On some of these occassions he's been engrossed in playing when I've popped to the loo then suddenly been desperate for drink/food etc.

I agree he has to wait - I think it's hard because he has never been like this before now not even at the age you'd expect it.

I have used the hearing one too egg

I do spend more time 1/2 term playing with him because I have it - I work term time.

At the time it felt justified with the do you need an ambulance comment but then thought maybe I was being a bit of a cow

OP posts:

colditz · 30/05/2010 20:03

Would it be fair to say that when you and he are together, if you speak it is generally TO him?

As he may be genuinely struggling with the idea that There Are Other People In The World.

Both of my Ds's have to be reminded that they are not the only person in the world.

colditz · 30/05/2010 20:04

It's normal, by the way. Annoying, but normal.

I took to shutting myself in the back garden to use my phone.

Original poster

mumbar · 30/05/2010 20:11

ah glad it's normal was feeling a bit of a cow for saying it to him and then wondering whether it was insecurity until he dumped me for the neighbours DD this afternoon!!!

He is getting towards the end of year 1 now so probably feeling a bit like a small fish in a big sea with a lot of work to do! I imgine individual attention is minimal now.

I will have a chat with him tomorrow and tell him clearly it's not on, continue the ignoring and perhaps try the locking myself in the loo to use the phone!!

BTW how long does this phase last just to prepare me

OP posts:

Original poster

mumbar · 30/05/2010 20:15

Colditz lol at sarcastic bitch mother I have discribed myself this way many a time

OP posts:

colditz · 31/05/2010 11:12

My 7 year old now stops if I put my hand up ("Halt!") and turn my back. My 4 year old doesn't do it and I'm hoping he's learned from observation that it's not worth the effort. He still follows me to the toilet but leaves when he's asked.

sanielle · 31/05/2010 12:35

When I was a kid, I knew if I wanted somehting I had to ask while my mother was a)half asleep b) on the phone c) on the loo...

Was my clever way of knowing she would be distracted enough to say yes, just to be rid of me!

Maybe you dc is just very clever!

drinkyourmilk · 31/05/2010 12:42

When he asks for something to drink/eat can you say ''You know where the tap/bread bin is''

Original poster

mumbar · 31/05/2010 22:21

sanielle

colditz - actually he only did it once today and I didn't answer him just walked away with the hand up. He didn't do it again. Perhaps he's a quick learner!!!

He did knock when I was in the loo and said mummy I don't need an ambulance but I do need a wee badly!!!! I'll give him that one.

OP posts:

Manda25 · 31/05/2010 22:50

He did knock when I was in the loo and said mummy I don't need an ambulance but I do need a wee badly!!!! I'll give him that one.

LOL

Original poster

mumbar · 09/06/2010 20:58

Well MNers thankyou for all the advice you gave me above. I took it all on board and you'll be glad to hear its' pretty much worked. Still the occcasional blip but the hand out when on the phone works and the ignoring when I'm on the loo works.

So I'm one mummy

OP posts:

verytellytubby · 09/06/2010 21:00

I could have posted this but I have 5 year old twin boys so it's in stereo and twice as demanding!

Their behaviour is shocking at the moment so I've read the riot act and have got very strict with manners and disclipine

Morloth · 09/06/2010 21:09

I say "Go Away" and "Get it yourself" quite loudly.

Original poster

mumbar · 11/06/2010 07:22

verytelly I feel your pain!! My ds seems to have gone from passive to a little bugger overnight! Maybe as people say its a phase but I have also read the riot act and told ds unless he starts proving he can behave appropriatly we will not go out.

It is working but I also appreciate they do get more 'vocal' at this age I just don't like the rude.

OP posts:

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