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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to think dh could have made an effort?

22 replies

suncreamandagoodbook · 30/05/2010 17:14

It's my birthday today and I have had a week from hell at work - added to which we got back from two weeks holiday last sunday so have had the stress of readjusting, fractious kids etc...anyway, I always, always organise our rare nights out - get babysitters, book restaurants etc, but I simply couldn't this week. I told him to do it and .....nothing. He bought me some lovely presents and is generally the best dh ever, but I am so pissed off. I am sat here on my own, dd in the front room watching tv, ds upstairs on his ps2 and I've sent dh to the pub while I finish cooking dinner. He said we could 'go somewhere for lunch tomorrow' with the dc's. Lovely. bank holiday monday hell and I'll be driving no doubt as I don't drink. All last night I was convinced he'd organised something but then he got the chicken out and asked what time I wanted to eat tonight!!!! Surely, just once, especially after the week I've had, he could have sorted something out?

OP posts:

KurriKurri · 30/05/2010 17:18

I think he has made an effort, perhaps not exactly the effort you told him to make, but he's bought you lovely presents and offered to take you out to lunch tomorrow. - I'd be fairly happy with that. Sorry.

Trafficcone · 30/05/2010 17:19

I'd be more than happy with that!

Original poster

suncreamandagoodbook · 30/05/2010 17:20

fair enough - am probably being really selfish

OP posts:

borderslass · 30/05/2010 17:21

At least you have got presents off him and he's offered to take you out to lunch, I've been married nearly 20 years and can count on one hand how many birthdays dh has remembered, saying that he'd better remember this year as he keeps going on about how old I'll be and its not for 6 months.

QSnondomicile · 30/05/2010 17:22

ooooh, I would be pissed off if my dh brought out a chicken and asked me to cook my own birthday dinner while he was at the pub....

Linziwam · 30/05/2010 17:24

sounds like he has made an effort in his own way, and he probably thinks that buying you lovely presents and taking you out for lunch is making an effort.
I do however, understand how frustrating it can be when you are the only one that organises any social activities. You leave it to other people for once thinking that they will go to the same efforts that you would have gone to, and are always a bit disappointed. I feel like this all the time, like if i didnt organise anything for anniversary or whatever, he happily wouldnt do anything!
So u might be a bit U but I do feel your annoyance!

ChickensHaveNoEyebrows · 30/05/2010 17:26

Ditto, QS. In fact, I'd have had a full on tantrum

CheekyPinkSox · 30/05/2010 17:29

I would too be more than happy with that. A lovely family bank holiday monday meal at a nice little country pub - what more could you ask for, as its give lovely weather too.

Lulumaam · 30/05/2010 17:33

but you say you sent your DH to the pub??

gtamom · 30/05/2010 17:33

Happy Birthday. I hope the rest of your day is better.
Bringing out that chicken and asking what time dinner will be is really thoughtless. And it is your birthday today, not tomorrow. Although if arranged to celebrate on another day in advance, it would be reasonable. He could have made a nice birthday dinner for you, with a birthday cake, that is how it works around here on birthdays.
You are not being selfish, you were hurt and disappointed. I know if my dh had asked me what time dinner would be ready on my birthday I would be very hurt.
Wait a sec....when he asked what time you wanted dinner, was he going to make it? In that case it is totally different!

KurriKurri · 30/05/2010 17:34

Maybe I have read the OP differently from others. I thought the DH got the chicken out and asked what time she wanted tea, - meaning he was cooking. She 'sent' him to the pub.

I understand it can be a bit frustrating when you expect one thing, and it turns out differently, but I wouldn't spoil my own birthday by being upset about it, I'd take the chance to put my feet up while DS was upstairs, enjoy my presents, and look forward to tomorrow.

Original poster

suncreamandagoodbook · 30/05/2010 17:41

I sent him to the pub because he was mooching about and being useless to be honest! He put the chicken in the oven but suggested if we had it about 6 (thus I popped it on about 4) he could see 'the match'. he then said 'I don't have to see the match' in a mooching manner which indicates a 'match' preference I felt . I just feel aggrieved that I always organise his birthday, our anniversary and my birthday and just once a little foresight would have been nice...

OP posts:

diddl · 30/05/2010 18:26

Well it sounds as if the problem is that you usually organise your own birthday??!!

Even though you are having lunch out tomorrow "for your birthday"-I would have expected him too cook today tbh.

EnvelopeDuvet · 30/05/2010 18:31

YANBU, ish. I am still pestering my H for a cake and my birthday was over a week ago! It's because I build it all up in my head to be wonderful and it's kinda abit....flat in the end. Ar well.

Original poster

suncreamandagoodbook · 30/05/2010 18:32

Well I've 'discussed' it with him and he can't see the problem, suggests I have a nice bath and read while he stays downstairs with the children.

OP posts:

FabIsGoingToGetFit · 30/05/2010 18:35

YANBU

He knew he was meant to organise dinner out. If he was planning on something different he should have told you. Don't settle for making do just because some women would be happy if their husbands remembered their birthday never mind bought a card.

ILovePlayingDarts · 30/05/2010 21:08

"Forget" to organise his next birthday, just give him a present and card, and if he looks a bit hurt, ignore it.

However, don't, under any circumstance, even mention the idea that "this is how I felt when you forgot to organise anything for me" as you lose the moral high ground with even a tiny hint of the possible "tit for tat" implication.

BelleDameSansMerci · 30/05/2010 21:11

I'd be totally, totally pissed off. YANBU.

If you made it clear that you wanted to go out and he did nothing to organise it, I think it's pants. I am also quite high maintenance

dwpanxt · 30/05/2010 21:25

Can I just be a very small devils advocate here?

I think you organise the type of celebration you want - for his birthday , your anniversary etc. Generally making a big day of it.

He on the other hand has organised the kind of celebration HE wants . Lower key, marked but not over the top .
Perhaps you could save yourself some trouble in future,pare down what you do and save the nights out for 'just because'.

dwpanxt · 30/05/2010 21:27

Forgot to say

Happy Birthday

Lonnie · 30/05/2010 21:30

Happy Birthday..

for my 40th things didnt go the way I wanted it to and I had been quite vocal about i wanted for many years (I wanted a big party to celebrate and my friends around me for dh's 40th we did big resturant meal but our finances were different then) it bothered me hugely and I felt a lot of resentment towards it as dh didnt do a lot for me for my birthday and then a friend of mine said to me..

Do not let the thought of what could have been spoil what you will get (was the day before)

so OP dont allow what you would ahve liked to happen to spoil what you do have.. enjoy what you have and next year ensure that you get what you want

mybabywakesupsinging · 30/05/2010 21:49

Nice presents?
and at least he knew dinner required to be cooked...
could be worse.

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