Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3

Original poster

To think this gender prediction compay should be shut down?

69 replies

pinkorbluetoosoon · 30/05/2010 12:25

They tell you if you are having a boy or girl through blood test.

Friend was told 'boy' she was devestated and has been coming to terms with it over the lat 5 weeks.

(she has 3 boys and has wanted a girl for a long time)

She has just been for her scan and 100% a girl! she has 7 pics of the babys bits and the sonographer said she is certain there is n ps o tsiclesa ca clearly see its a girl.

Now my friend was upset but was still very much happy to be pregnant with the boy she thought she was having,

BUT other people could get that result and would still be within the legal time frame to have an abortion, the doctors wouldn't know about the gender test. AFAIK some groups of people do this, thats why my hospital operates a 'no tell' policy on scans even at 20 weeks!

What do you think?

OP posts:

EddieIzzardismyhero · 30/05/2010 21:14

trying, I agree!

I got looks of pity when I told people I was having DS2 - could have punched them! I have two gorgeous, healthy, happy, smiley, kind, lovely boys.

After five years of infertility, I couldn't wish for more . (Well, except another two children - but that's a whole other story!).

NinthWave · 30/05/2010 21:26

tryingtobe - I wonder if some women are a bit scared of having a boy in case they can't relate to it - after all, every mother has been a little girl at some point, so has direct experiences to refer to.

There are social elements to it too -just look at the amount of baby girls' clothes compared to those for boys in any high street shop - the message is very clear that baby girls are little dollies for dressing up, whereas boys are just lumps to be covered with grey/navy/denim

tryingtobemarrypoppins2 · 30/05/2010 21:30

NinthWave I agree. I wish I could make and sell bright boys clothes.....I'd be very rich! I love toby tiger/molo etc but you have to pay so much more for decent boys clothes. Glad I have 2 boys. I can spent lots of money on swedish boys clothes as I can use them twice!! Well thats what I tell my DH

2shoes · 30/05/2010 21:34

YABU imo if someone is devasted because the are haveing a girl/boy
they shouldn't bother

emptyshell · 30/05/2010 21:47

Some people really need to learn to count their blessings and be greatful for what they DO have.

There's a nice pair of sections on this site, you know, those ones you don't go into called "Conception" and "Miscarriage." In there you'll find those women society tries not to think about - those who can't get pregnant, those who can't stay pregnant - who would give anything to have ANY healthy child at all, and yet others drip about being blooming pathetic because they want a pink frilly nursery rather than a blue one.

Seriously - it's sickening.

EddieIzzardismyhero · 30/05/2010 21:48

But ninthwave, most women are married/living with a man so why can't they relate to boys. I adore my dh and if my boys end up even half as amazing as him I'll be one happy woman!

EddieIzzardismyhero · 30/05/2010 21:49

emptyshell, hear hear.

GothAnneGeddes · 30/05/2010 22:12

EddieIzzardismyhero - Your comment at 21:48 is lovely. I wish more people thought like you.

TheBigJessie · 31/05/2010 01:12

NinthWave: That's how I feel about boys' clothing sections in shops, only it's well-worded.

I still haven't got used to it. Over and over again, I look at the racks of girls' clothing, and then search for "the rest" of the boys' section. After many, I mean one or two, circles around the shop, I realise there is no "rest". And I leave, feeling slightly saddened at the lost opportunity to spend money I don't have.

It's saving me a bleddy fortune!

After they'd nearly outgrown their clothes, I went on a shopping trip with a relative (who absolutely adores my sons). By the end of it, she was heard to wistfully say, "If only you'd had a girl, Jessie", as she fingered some dresses longingly.

For boys, however, we had found nothing.

EddieIzzardismyhero · 31/05/2010 08:21

Thank you Goth .

TheBigJessie, I just don't recognise this experience at all - tbh, I hate clothes shopping so wouldn't spend hours wandering round shops anyway, but through a combination of ebay and M&S I have a lovely wardrobe for my two boys. They always look great - and have a range of brightly coloured, smart, sweet clothes.

5DollarShake · 31/05/2010 08:44

I don't think it's that mothers can't relate to boys necessarily - especially if they've had 2 or 3 already...

I don't think there's anything wrong with harbouring a preference to one gender over the other per se, especially if you've had several of only one so far.

Guilting people with stories of multiple miscarriage and difficulties to conceive is below the belt stuff, I think (and I've been through both myself). People are only human and while it's helpful sometimes to think of others worse off, you can't always, always live your life like that and always banish selfish, irrational thoughts.

As I said earlier, I totally agree that being 'devastated' is utterly ludicrous, but to feel some initial disappointment in the OP's 'friend's' place is understandable, surely, as long as she gets over herself pretty quickly.

abdnhiker · 31/05/2010 08:50

Mum of two boys here - I do think there's a lot more variety in girl's clothes and the funky dresses and such available are gorgeous. But personally I'm glad to be dressing boys -
and no children should be treated as dolls for dressing up - they're people!

But to care about what gender your child is on the basis of shopping opportunities seems a bit sad. I love having my two boys and I know that I was meant to be a mum of boys - we have amazing times outside and I love how outdoorsy, tough, practical, and sensitive they are.

slushy06 · 31/05/2010 09:49

Yes my ds was harder to dress but I just go to Next or M&S or Tescos usually find some really nice clothes. As I like shopping it gives me a excuse to spend ages looking around shops .

My dd is more expensive to dress because you buy a dress then you have to buy tights and a cardigan, where as boys are jumper and trousers all I need to buy is socks.

I have one of each but would have been equally happy with two boys. I don't get how people can be disappointed when I go to my 20 week scans I am so concerned that everything is okay and focused on that that I don't even think about gender till I know my baby is healthy, the gender is more like a after thought. I also view it as a bit of fun knowing it can be wrong.

emptyshell · 31/05/2010 13:27

Why is it automatically guilting people to point out that, look, there are other women in the world going through hell trying to have ANY child? Just because we're not pandering to these pathetic vain individuals who want a little girl as what basically amounts to a fashion accessory.

Why are the experiences of the infertile and miscarrying continually derided and devalued? That's a disgusting attitude to take and it's people like that who I would dearly wish some of the pain upon to be honest - because you never bother to see the pain that the other half go through, but just resent us peeing on your pretty little pink mummy parade.

Women like this ARE being pathetic and ungrateful and they need a blooming good reality check to knock them back into touch. You're getting a son who'll love you dearly - waaaah such a terrible affliction. There are some of us who cry every day, every month who'd love ANY child unconditionally - and yet we're denied that... so yes, you should feel guilty if you're the kind of selfish creature who'd be prepared to take your regret at not getting a dinky little barbie doll girlie out on the children you luckily CAN be blessed with.

I'm sick of my infertility having to be hidden away for fear of making women feel "guilty". I'm not prepared to be the dirty little secret of womankind, some kind of pariah, the barren woman we don't want to talk about - I'm a woman, I have a crazy urge to make a child with my husband and be a family, my body won't let me... I'm not some kind of skeleton to be hidden in a closet, I have no reason at all to be ashamed of what I am, and I'm not going to act like I do anymore. If it makes you feel any better about your own kids, hug them a little bit tighter - that's your choice - but I think it's sickening to expect the infertile to hide away in shame.

I hate women with that attitude like yours - just remember, there but for the grace of god go you.

RunawayWife · 31/05/2010 13:37

When I was having DS1 the hospital would not tell you the sex of the baby as they had a large number of women from groups where boys are valued more then girls.

wannaBe · 31/05/2010 13:52

runaway my mum worked in a dr's surgery where she told me they had a patient who came from a culture where a boy was the preferred gender as the first born. This couple wanted an amnio to detect the sex of the child and if it was a girl they wanted an nhs-paid-for termination.

Tbh I can see both sides of the infertility/multiple miscarriage argument. I think that on the one hand we should all be grateful for whatever baby we get because yes, we should be glad if we're able to have a baby at all.

But otoh I also think that one can apply the "there are people worse off" argument to any situation, and generally we don't do that so why is this different.

you wouldn't for instance say to someone who didn't like their meal in a restaurant "well you should be grateful you had a meal at all, there are starving people in the 3rd world who had nothing to eat tonight," or to someone with a cold "well you should be grateful it's just a cold, there are people dying of cancer/heart attacks/aids." Or even someone who coveted a nice handbag "people in the 3rd world don't even have clothes and you want a handbag? how selfish."

I think we should always be glad of the things we have, because there is always someone worse off. I am able to have a second child due to infertility for instance, and I am infinitely grateful that I was able to have one child, because I am only too aware that there are people who cannot even have one, but not sure how appropriate it would be if I said that to someone else going through the pain of being unable to conceive for a second time.

wannaBe · 31/05/2010 13:54

that should say am unable to have a second child...

And just to add, I do think it's selfish to express devastation at not being able to have one gender or the other, I'm just not sure that making the comparison with others worse off is always that helpful or makes any difference.

marcopront · 31/05/2010 14:05

To go back to the OP.

No scan is going to say it is 100% certain it is a girl, partly because you can never be certain and partly because they don't want to be sued.

But how can she have 7 pics of the baby's bits? Girls "bits" are hidden.

The only 100% certain way to tell the sex of the baby is to look when it comes out.

MaamRuby · 31/05/2010 14:10

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Flip

1 2 3