to want MIL to tell us that DD has been vomiting when she is staying the night there?

[Upsy1981]

Please be gentle with me as this is my first or possibly second AIBU.

Yes it is a MIL thread, but I should point out that generally I have a good relationship with her so it's not just 'bash the MIL' for the sake of it!

Last night DD stayed over at MIL's house so DH and I could go out. She was absolutely fine when MIL picked her up-if I'd have thought she was ill, I wouldn't have let her go. However, just as MIL was reading her a story and tucking her in, DD (aged 3.4 years) vomited all over the place. She then continued vomiting (well, more wretching) throughout the night.

DH sent MIL a text at about 9:45pm to check that DD had settled ok and got one back to say that she'd been playing and was fast asleep. No mention of any vomiting or illness.

We got home quite late, and I started to feel really ill, stomach cramps, v & d, so hardly got any sleep. So DH phones MIL first thing this morning to make arrangements for getting DD back home-I was supposed to be going for her but was in no fit state. MIL tells us then about DD being sick.

MIL has been wonderful, saying she'll keep DD with her so I can catch up on some sleep and then bring her back later, so I can't fault her for that at all. Especially as DD was sick in the brand new bed/bedding that MIL had only just bought for her and then sick again in MIL's bed later on.

However, I can't shake the feeling that MIL should have told us last night that DD had been ill. She said that she didn't want to spoil our night as there was nothing we could do, and I appreciate this point of view. My feeling, though, is that she should have told us and let us make our own minds up about it, or ask some additional questions to make sure that DD was ok and it was 'just a bug' (I have since found out it was going around her pre-school which is where we have both got it from-but didn't know about this bug at the time). My fear is that it could have been something more serious and we didn't have chance to ask for additional information in order to make an informed decision. I suppose, being quite PFB about it, I would like to know if she was having any other symptoms that could may be indicate menigitis or something like that. I'm not saying we would have gone rushing round there but we could have given her a ring and talked it over properly.

I am ill and DD is my PFB, so it is entirely possible I ABU, but I would appreciate some other opinions.

I can understand that you want to know that DD is poorly, but to be fair your MIL was trying to be nice.

Also she clearly managed to bring up your DH without too many problems so I'm sure if she'd thought it was serious she would have phoned.

So yab(a little bit)u to assume your MIL can't judge the situation...

Hope you feel better soon..

Your mil sounds fab
She looked after her poorly gd, didn't disturb you and is still looking after her now whilst you recover
She sounds really sensible and the sort who would have called you If she had needed to
Yabu and sounds like you are looking for some thing to be upset about IMO

I think YABU, as she was only doing it for the best. I'm sure she would have phoned you if DD had been really ill or wanted you. It sounds like your DD was in good hands, and what could you have done?

My own mother has never even wiped my children's noses, so I'm very jealous.

I agree with rubyslippers

how lovely of MIL to do this and ensure you got some rest whilst poorly yourself

am sure that had your DD shown much more serious syptoms, she would hvae dealt with it.. why disturb you and make you worried when you were poorly yourself

i could understand your concern re meningitis , if DD had stiff neck/high fever/rash/ aversion to light, but vomiting in little ones tends to be 'just' a tummy bug

if you don't trust her to let you know or to get appropraite help if DD was very ill, you should not leave DD with her

Yes YABU.
Your MIL sounds fabulous.

Get DH to go and buy her some flowers as a thank you for looking after your DD last night. I bet MIL didn't get much sleep either as she would be worrying about your DD.

I think it sounds as though you can trust your mil, and trust her judgement when looking after your child. I hope you are on the way to recovery.

YANBU

as others have said, your MIL sounds lovely and it sound as though you know and appreciate this.

next time she has DD overnight just make sure you say 'if there are any problems let us know, if she's sick again like last time just give us a quick ring to let us know'

i can totally understand you wanting to know if your DD was sick and i think you should have been told, but it definitely sounds as though MIL had your best interests at heart and just wanted you to enjoy your night.

I think YANBU in wanting to have been told, but equally, your MIL was NBU in not mentioning it.

I'm currently looking after two little ones for a friend. The youngest spent a couple of hours crying last night, and got himself into a real state. I was starting to worry that he was getting into difficulty with his breathing as he was crying so hard. Didn't mention it to his mum though. Obviously a bit different as it's not illness to be worried about, but I'd rather his mum enjoyed her break rather than worrying about something she can't do anything about.

Aw, well it's difficult. Because logically she was being wonderful to you. Knew that you were having a night out, took your dd into bed with her, cared for her and is still doing so now. Bravo, she sounds lovely.

But you are not at all unreasonable to have wanted to know. I would have. I'd have felt wretched finding out later that dd had been poorly and nobody told me. And I would have been cross at nobody as MIL would have been doing a lovely thing but the desire to know would still be there.

It's never unreasonable to have honest feelings and to admit to them. What would have been unreasonable is you going mad at MIL or moaning about her on here. You're allowed to feel that you wanted to know about your dd. It's a normal reaction.

Thanks all for your replies. Kind of what I thought it would be really and absolutely agree MIL has been fantastic. My judgment was a little hazy due to next to no sleep.

Re: getting her some flowers-had already thought of that actually, it's never nice to have to wash sicky bedding and start changing sheets in the middle of the night.

Thanks for the get well wishes too-am not feeling too ill now, just the usual weak, tired feeling.

I think it perhaps also depends what time it happened & how quickly your daughter settled again.

I can see both POV.

My daughter could at that age be "sick as a dog"-and either happily playing or sleeping between times-not being fussy or wanting cuddles.

My only concern would be that my daughter would have wanted me.

I think you´re lucky to have a MIL who didn´t make a big deal out of it.

One sick & bedtime & one in the night isn´t that much.

Wait till you get it happening every half an hour....