To think that our friends could take note; WE HAVE FOUR CHILDREN, AArrrgghh!

[XboxWidow30]

Lol, I just had an urge to scream!

We have a good circle of friends and try and get out when we can but with 4 children its difficult. Getting a babysitter isn't always easy. Plus, if we do get a babysitter it is still hard work just to get out of the door for the evening.

So, I am going out tomorrow night, rare night out to go to a concert and I am leaving my husband in charge. Probably his first afternoon/evening/bedtime routine he has had to do on his own with all 4.

One of his friends has just called to see if hubby is going out for a drink to celebrate friends birthday tomorrow evening. Erm, no.

His friend kept going on about getting a babysitter, blah, blah, blah.

Its frustrating, most of our friends don't have children. The few that have got children have also said no but haven't had an ear bashing like my hubby got. Maybe because we usually try and make an effort but since our 4th child came along I have not been huge on going out anymore, lol!

Sorry, long rant. I just needed to vent somewhere!

Plus; Why should we need an excuse when saying no. We have an excuse tomorrow night as I am already going out but sometimes we should be able to say no just cos we don't want to go out, if you see what I mean??!

YANBU

DH's boss is a bit like that too. He wants DH (and me!) to go to a city an hour away to celebrate his birthday clubbing and/or staying in a hotel.

We haven't even been away a night on our own since having DC1! As if we'd decide to spend our first night away from teh children (as if we coudl afford it!) clubbing with DH's boss!? And what they expect us to do with the children over night, I don't know!

Bonkers! They keep nagging him too, his boss and all his colleagues.

not to mention we both hate clubbing too, but that's another matter.

Oooh I don't do clubbng, lol!

Also, its the nagging. I can kind of ignore it cos when I say no I mean no but my husband then starts going on about going out and then I end up letting him go out whilst I sit in with the children. Which isn't nice really!

Those without kids really DO NOT understand whats it like. They honestly don;t. We were the first of our frinds to have kids and as they have had children themselves they all say they finally understand. Just say no when you don't feel like it, you don't need an excuse and one day they will all understand!!!!

My friend and I have another friend (confused yet? ) who is about 8 years younger than we are. It drives her mad that when we go for a night out, we just want to go for a meal, maybe a drink, but don't have the energy or inclination to go clubbing until 3 in the morning.

She used to nag and nag and nag us but she has finally given us up as a lost cause

Of course, we only have one child each and she has two and is pregnant with her third! Sometimes it's not about how many kids you have...

DP has a friend like this who keeps texting him saying "I am going for a drink want to come?" I had DS 3 weeks ago what do you think!!??

We have no family support so DP and I have never been out for the night as a couple, never been to the cinema or for a meal (we have 4 children now as well) a lot of our friends think this is mad as they do have children but have on tap childcare.

Oh I am so glad I am not alone!

I think because we were the first with a child but always managed to get out easily enough with one child they still think we can. It was slightly easier when it was just one child and also a set of very good grandparents where our son stayed most weekends anyway.

Now we have four and 2 other couples within the group have got young children now but they never really went out alot even when they didn;t have children so its kind of expected from them, if you know what I mean!

Oooh rasputin, thats not nice. These things can't be helped.

Myself and hubby keep saying that when ours are grown up and we get our social life back all of our friends will just be having their kids and having to stay in all of the time!

rasputin - hello had DS 3 weeks ago he is called Jacob and is utterly gorgeous

What, you mean you haven't got a magic babysitter tree in the back garden?

YANBU. People without children simply have no concept of the difference in life with a child and life without.

My friend recently asked me if I wanted to go to Amsterdam for her hen weekend. Yes because I can do that when I have a long term illness that makes me totally exhausted, hardly any money and a toddler. When I said I wouldn't be going, she said I would have to go to her other hen weekend in her home town which would also mean me spending out money to stay somewhere, going on a huge night out where I know 1 person and feeling like total crap after. I have declined that invite too.

My DS takes up my time and energy and while I don't mind the odd night out with my close friends that I count as true friends, I don't want to compromise my health and spend my money and big weekends away etc.

YANBU - for lack of energy/money/sitters DH and I rarely go out, mostly for lack of money though.
When we got married in April, our whole wedding was made completely different - instead of doing the usual £20 000 job, we hired a tudor manor for the cheapest Mon-Fri of the year, and had our closest friends and family chip in for their stay and food. We had stag/hen drinks on the night before, nothing huge, just a bit of fun, then had the wedding on the wednesday, and no honeymoon or gifts.
It still cost people money to come, but not as much as they would have spent on a night out on the tiles, a B&B, food, gifts etc.
Everyone loved it, especially the couples with kids. There were a few who baulked at not going out clubbing for a hen night, and seemed a bit surprised when we said 'no gifts' but I think people were pleasantly surprised by how good a cook my DH was (for 25-50 a night!) and how we managed to feed and drink that amount for £30 a head, I've still no idea, but we did, and it was great!
I just think our preconceived ideas of what it takes to 'have a good time' are a bit precious - and I hate paying pub prices!
We quite often have two couples over at the weekend, and we usually either take it in turns to do the food, or all bring a bit to the table.
There are other ways of doing things, which non-parents just don't seem to consider!

i only have 2 dcs and luckily a small circle of friends but my our very closest friends have no dcs and very often will text me at 8 oclock on a friday night wanting me to go out or come down to them for a drink. i remind them thati couldn't possible get a sitter at such short notice and suggest they come in to mine for a while. they never do because, "we cant afford the taxi." now, we live 5 miles apart. a taxi is £5. if i was going to theirs i would also have to pay the taxi and pay a babysitter. a quiet drink in their house could cost me £20 maybe more if the short notice sitter was feeling greedy. they jsut dont get it all.

Oh yes we have the few friends that call us up an hour before.

'Oh yes I will go and pluck a babysitter out of thin air and plonk her on the sofa with full instructions, get kids in bed, get myself looking decent and get to said venue within the hour, don't worry Mr/Mrs Friend', lol!

I can understand where ur comin from. It frustrates me to sometimes, but equally it can be frustrating if u r amongst the last of your friends to have kids. You can feel like your once fun friends have simply disappeared of the face of the earth since having children.
I think if friends are annoyed because you just can't get a babysitter then urnbu at all. But if it's for a friend's bday then urbu to simply say u don't feel like it IMO.
Me and my friends don't go out as often nowadays since we've all had kids, but we have an unspoken rule that we'll all try really hard to make it out for birthdays and big occasions, even if it means just one half of a couple coming along. If friends of mine said they weren't prepared to come out for my bday just because they didn't feel like going out, I'd be upset tbh.

I equally once had a childless friend who actually said we shouldn't be friends anymore because I was getting boring. I was 8 months pregnant and had been out until 3 am with her just a week before!!

I think friends should be understanding if you cant make it as it is hard to get baby sitter particulary at last minute. But also think it is nice that you are still invited on the off chance you can make it. It would be easier just to not bother after getting lots of rejections (for good reasons albeit).

I agree hipp, i have friends who get annoyed with me for inviting them to things they couldn't possibly go to, but surely that's better than all of their friends doing something and them not even getting an invite? I'd be really hurt if that was me. I'd be starting threads saying 'my friends don't bother inviting me out just because I've had kids!'
I start most of my txts now with 'i know u probably can't, but just so u know....'

YANBU your dh should be assertive with this friend. I know the feeling, I have a friend like this, havent seen her in a while and we have kind of grown apart. Well we picked her up from the train station, and she gave me an ear bashing about how i dont make an effort to see her and its been too long (wonder why). Did not wait till we got home, no right in the station. I just pointed out that we had an arrangment to meet in which she cancelled prior before this, and that she has told me that in the summer months she is busy and cannot meet people, at Christmas had a m/c which was hard for us.

Geese some people just do not understand. She is very pampered and self centred, however she has got severe health problems too.

"lol"?

Would you rather just not be asked?

we're the only ones out of all our friends (on both sides) with child, but we are able to go out a few tomes a month, and we either take turns staying in with ds, or get a babysitter. My sister and BIL have 4 and manage nights out.

I'd much rather be asked than assumed to be resigned to staying at home with child.