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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be Miffed at DCs friend taking DCs Toys Home & Parent not apparently caring

12 replies

PopCat · 27/05/2010 15:46

Name Change just in case

my DC 6/7, a few weeks ago invited a friend to play after School, if I'm honest not my favourite of their friends, as there has been previous problems & the kid is not the politest thing & is known for been a bit volitile & can be bully like at times in School etc etc, IMO, a bit envious of DC, but DCs choice & they seem to have been getting on a lot better lately, so Kid made very welcome regardless.

They were playing in DCs room & as much as I left them to play as thats how DC likes it, I was keeping a reasonably close ear on them from the next room, as after the last time this Kid was here, & my DC been very upset when they left, swearing never to invite them again, as it turned out the Kid was the ring leader in excluding DC with another mutual friend, from playing games with DCs own toys in the room I was a bit annoyed with myself for not realizing this was going on, as the odd time I popped in with drinks etc, the Kid was unusually extremely friendly & polite

anyway, to the point

I did hear this Kid going on & on at DC about a certain small toy, "oh I don't have that, its my favourite, I've always wanted it, I would be someones best friend forever if they gave me that" etc etc, but I didn't hear the Kid ask outright, nor did I hear DC give this toy to the Kid, so thought no more of it as they moved onto films & my serving food & were playing nicely, so didn't think to much more of it.

DC cleared their own room after the Kid left (house rule) so it wasn't until a couple of days later that I noticed a main character part of a large & quiet expensive playset was missing, on asking about it, DC then owns up to having given it to the Kid, out of character as DC is quite fanatical about keeping playsets together & wont even let me put the wrong characters with other playsets (I blame the collector Dad) On quizzing further as to why, DC owns up to feeling obliged to give what turns out to be 2 toys to the Kid as a "swap" as"if they don't get what the want, they start getting other kids to gang up & pick on you at School I was surprised as DC is usually pretty good with saying no in situations like this, but does tend to have a soft heart & can be taken advantage of that way, DC is really upset with themselves as didn't really want to give the toy away at all, & of course, no swap forth coming

No only the previous week my DC had brought home a hat saying Xx has given me this, & I asked DC to take it back, saying that is very kind of you, but my Mum says can you please make sure your Mum knows you have given it to me & is okay about it, which I consider to be the right thing to do So I am puzzled that the Mother hasn't thought of doing the same, & when I sent a polite, none accusing text to her & ask if she would mind sending the toys back as they are an irreplacable part of a playset, she didn't seem that bothered at all, something like, well, not that easy in the chaos

so far no toys back, though DC says the Kid has said they have lost the rare 1but they have 1 of them & are bringing it back, but still hasn't done so & the Mother hasn't even mentioned it at all

Am I alone in thinking this is pretty poor, or do most parents not notice if their Child brings home things that don't belong to them??

OP posts:
ssd · 27/05/2010 15:59

wow, I'm reallu impressed you typed all that out, that would have taken me days

anyhoo, I would never let my kids leave someones house with a toy that wasn't theirs. it does sound as though this other child hasn't much adult supervision so the parents probably haven't noticed another new toy at home they haven't bought (which I agree is pretty poor). I'd have a word with the mum or dad or whoever looks after this kid and get your kids toys back.

Lonnie · 27/05/2010 16:03

no your not alone but in my house with 4 kids (and no rules about tidying up immidiatly after a child has left) It could happen I have a toy taken in that I wasnt aware ofhad come into the house. I will also admit that it would be low on my list of priorities to search for a toy. If I found it and knew it belonged to someone else I would 100% return it however

GypsyMoth · 27/05/2010 16:04

another text asking if its lost?

biddysmama · 27/05/2010 16:06

ds used to have a friend that took his toys and in the end i had to frisk him before hs mum arrived as she would always say they would bring it back next time etc and never did, yanbu to want it back

thisisyesterday · 27/05/2010 16:09

don't text, it's too easy for them to ignore or pretend they didn't get it

i would corner mum or dad at school and say "dc is really upset that he still hasn't got X back, I wondered if you could have a search for it and let us have it on monday"

tillys · 27/05/2010 16:11

YANBU and I would not have this child back round again! However I have to confess to having swapped my Mums engagement ring for a parker fountain pen at a similar age and being really upset when my friends mum came round to make us swap back. I'd always wanted a fountain pen!

Oblomov · 27/05/2010 16:23

agree with yesterday. no more texts. call or speak in playground and be definite. only have 2 children admittedly, but always know if 'swappies', borrowing for 2 or 3 days is going on. but then all the mums i know are pleasant and very conscious of these things.
disorganised unpleasant mum and unpleasant child. lets be honest, that is the truth here, isn't it.
be firm.

colditz · 27/05/2010 16:27

tell her it was £400 and is a collectors item, so if she would like to buy it, you will need at least £350 - if not, could she return it ASAP please?

Thediaryofanobody · 27/05/2010 17:03

You need to ask her directly so she can't wiggle out of giving it back.
Maybe you could have a chat with the other mothers in the class and come to the agreement the kids aren't allowed to swap and if you find out they have been then make sure they give back.

DetectivePotato · 27/05/2010 19:26

YANBU, and I bet the rare one isn't lost at all.

Do what thisisyesterday said.

Cretaceous · 27/05/2010 20:39

tillys omg - your mum was lucky to get it back!?!

Love Colditz's suggestion, though. I once nicked a doll's dummy, and my mum was mortified. We couldn't find it, and she bought another to give to the family. In fact, I had hidden it. I feel mortified to this day! (But I can only have been 3 or 4, and it's the only thing I've ever stolen )

PopCat · 28/05/2010 13:39

Thanks all of you I was beginning to wonder if it was just me being old fashioned & this sort of thing is now normal with some families, really nice to know its not just me that thinks its wrong.

& yes I do intend to speak to the Mum face to face over it, I've not done so yet only because I've not seen much of her & because I thought it fair to give her a bit of time to find the toys as she does have more DCs than me, & I wondered if that might be part of it, though I'm getting the feeling shes just not bothering & probably thinks I'm being a bit precious I've heard her pass similar remarks over other things, so sort of expect that from her hopefully she'll prove me wrong, but not looking good so far
I did speak with her a few times just after I'd sent the text & though I got a reply to the text, it was pretty none committal & when she spoke to me, she didn't even mention the toys at all, which though I was happy to give her more time I thought odd, if it were me I would of mentioned it straight away & appologise for not yet having found them & just reasure her that I would definitely be keeping an eye out for them & make sure my DC searched hard for them & gave them back, but nothing of the sort from her, which I could of understood if she was shy, but she definitely isn't, though she has passed comments before that give the impression that she doesn't like standing up to her DC to avoid the tantrums

& thanks for the laughs, OMG at the ring story, lol, & the frisking the boy on his way out, our friends Son was like that when he was younger, even took to hiding things in his underpants as he knew his pockets would be checked thankfully his Mum brought stuff back that I'd missed

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