not to let DD travel in dad's car?

[fingertoes]

Hi ladies, I have just joined mumsnet and this is my first post, although I have been lurking and reading for ages.
So, nice to meet you all and I would be really grateful for your opinions on this.

I have a 6 month old baby girl and when I was pregnant with her, my dad informed me that he would not be giving me and the baby a lift anywhere when my DH is at work (I can't drive, have tried to learn but didn't end well!) as he didn't want the baby making a mess in his car.

Then the other week he rang and told me has has bought another little runaround so that he can take me, my mum and the baby shopping, out for lunch etc. Obviously I thought this was really kind of him.

So, we arranged to go out for lunch on Monday but when they turned up to pick us up, DD's car seat would not fit in as the seatbelts were too short to go around it. Dad said "you can just hold the seat then" and I said I wasn't going to do that. Cue much huffing and puffing and in the end he managed to force the seatbelt to click in but the carseat was not sitting flat on the backseat of the car as it's meant to so it didn't feel solid. Dad said "that's ok, I'll move the front seat back to help hold it in place and we'll just go like that". I said that I was still not happy it was safe and didn't want her to travel like that.

My mum jumped straight in as she knew he would get annoyed and suggested we just go somewhere within walking distance instead. My dad said we were being over fussy and we weren't going far and weren't going to have a crash and I just said "well, we'll have to go somewhere we can walk to today and I'll just buy another carseat that WILL fit the car".

We are due to go out again in just over a week, but the trouble is I have looked on the internet and can't find any car seat which will fit and apparently the car in question (Daewoo Matiz) is notoriously impossible for this. So now I will have to tell my dad DD is not travelling in the car he bought especially and I know he is going to go mental, say I am fussy, ungrateful etc. But what else can I do? She is my baby and surely as her mum it's my responsibility to not let her do anything I think is dangerous.

The thing is, I am older for a first time mum (mid thirties) and my daughter was desperately wanted for many years. I do sometimes wonder if that makes me a bit over protective of her.

Anyway, sorry if I have rambled but what do you think?

I know. I really don't want to hurt his feelings and I've told him it was really kind to buy the car but my DD is the light of my life and I just couldn't bear anything to happen to her.

Don't worry - I'd be the same as you.

Anyway, hopefully you've got some practical leads on car seats now- Good luck

Also, re driving, have you considered automatic only? Not having to change gear does make it a lot easier.

Stick a post in car seats section - someone probably has some smart ideas and experience of this. Or give Daewoo a buzz - they pride themselves on customer service, so give 'em a ring!

we have a britax first class and it only just fits in out saxo so i'd go and get it checked first ( not at mothercare tho, cos they are crap)

YADNBU. You are not being over protective about DD, any mother in your shoes would feel exactly the same and, tbh, I think your dad is the one being unreasonable/ precious in putting his feelings/ his car first. It does sound as if he hasn't thought this one through at all well as suely he should have researched the more cost-effective options before going out and buying another car

However, there might be a practical solution which makes everyone happy. First of all, there are loads of companies online that do all sorts of car protectors to handle grubby little paws, thrown about food, kicking the backs of seats and other mishaps (sick, poo etc....)Perhaps you can offer to split the cost of these with your dad so that you can take dd in his first car if your existing seat fits in that? Also, as other posters have said, a front facing seat might work better in the long run if he remains adament that his new car is the one to use once your DD is a bit bigger.

Last of all, stand your ground and don't let him bully you which is what he trying to do by the sounds of it. That makes me !

PS. welcome to MN!

YANBU. You do know that most 'normal' grand parents are thrilled to have grand children?

That they adore them and forgive them everything, perhaps even more than they did their own children?

If I were you, I'd be learning to drive, pronto and getting yourself more independent. Your dad is being ridiculous and precious.

I'd not go in the car with him, any car, after a twattish comment like the one he made about the mess.

There is not a car made that is more important than a grandchild, and I'm speaking as a bit of a metalhead myself, having restored and owned classic cars, merc and bentleys, even they can be cleaned you know!

A car seat protector is a great idea, and I'd make sure I had one, especially for leather seats.

Tell him to get over himself, if he wants to see DD that is!

I had a matiz when my ds1 was tiny and the bog standard Graco rear facing seat fitted it fine. I think it's called the autobaby, that might be worth a try?

I think that General Motors took over Daewoo a few years ago and rebranded them as Chevrolet, if you're planning to call the manufacturer

Hi Fingertoes,

You are absolutely right and must stand your ground.

Do you remember that terribly sad case of the couple who committed suicide off Beachy Head when their disabled son died of meningitis?

Well, the little boy had been rendered a quadraplegic in a car accident a few years earlier - basically his mother had tragically not fitted the car seat properly and in the crash the car seat was flung through the windscreen with him inside and his spinal cord was severed just below his neck.

Tell your dad this and ask if he wants to risk this happening to his grand-daughter.

FGS how much mess can a 6 month old make? Surely mess isn't even an issue at this stage unless she's a projectile vomiter?

Why can't he use his other car until she is in a car seat that will fit, by which time she might be a bit messier?

Also, persevere with the driving lessons; I used to dread each lesson, but it really was the best thing I ever did learning to drive, you get independence!

Thanks everyone.
SnailWhaleTail, I'll look into that Graco seat. Can you remember if you needed the base for it as well or just the seat? I've been looking on line and can't quite make out if you need both or if the carseat will fit in on it's own.

Blimey Rhinestone I remember the couple but had forgotten about the car accident. Must go and check dd's car seat.

OP you're definitely not being unreasonable.

You can actually buy extensions for seat belts such as this, and as far as I can see [have just Googled a tiny bit] they come in different lengths. Never used one myself but I just remembered their existence, so might be worth a look.

it's a mothercare own brand one

YANBU - i think your dad is strange for getting another car in the first place lol

I dont even let my mum drive my kids in her car - because i think she is blind bat - when it comes to driving