to think that partner should help??

[confusedmummie]

yeah its all the same with this apparently, i have a child (11 months) very hard work but also am very very depressed but my partner thinks that getting help of docs and councillors is better than him he hardly helps with cleaning and baby etc and he hates talking now shouldn't he be helping me in the head and trying to keep me happy for all of our sakes, i know i might be sounding selfish because he does work but men should help??

Of course men should help. Both partners should help each other, male or female. That's why it's a partnership.

If you can't communicate, your relationship is in trouble imo. And I'm talking from experience. Make him listen to you, and if he won't, then you will need to think about your future together. IMO.

Yes he should help, but he is right that getting the help of a doctor or a councillor would be better for you. If this is post-natal depression (just an assumption on my part) then it has been going on for awhile if your child is 11 months old and you really need to see a professional.

Doing his fair share of the work that goes with life with a small child is not 'helping out'. It is respecting your spouse and your family by doing your fair share.

I agree with what HappySlapper said.

You need to stop calling it 'helping' its his responsibility too.

Could you get yourself a job it might help you get some independance and self esteem back? It worked for me.

thanks guys i thought i was right and he still in the old century yes deppression for a while do have ADs but i also think he should be really helping me get through it

yeah thats true! also i dont drive so would be difficult hes a 9 to 5 man so i gotta cook t for 5 for him and me girl then go to work and wont be able to get home as of cant drive and dont want him to disturb sleeping routined baby

The trouble is... as I said up there, you should both share the workload. But him 'helping you through it' is a different issue altogether.

He can try to be supportive, but the only person that can get through depression, or learn to live with it is you.

Now Im a confused mummie

If you both worked you could do dinner in turns for 6ish when you'd both get home?

Maybe you'd have some pennies then for a cleaner and voila... problem solved! I dont think being indoors all day with a list of mundane tasks is doing your depression any good. (the voice of experience!)

Depression is difficult for others to deal with. If he's never suffered he may genuinely not understand why you are so depressed and can't just snap out of it. The fact that he has recognised that you need professional help shows that he recognises that you need help, and maybe that is all you are going to get. Someone who doesn't suffer from depression just doesn't understand why you can't just 'snap out of it' or 'look on the bright side'. Just as those who are in a depressed state often can't understand why someone can be so positive or upbeat about things.

Maybe if he attends a few counselling sessions with you he might then learn how to actually talk and help?

I would hope any partner would help your mental distress by listening, as well as doing his share at home. I think it's a good idea to talk to a counsellor or community psychiatric nurse too, but that shouldn't mean that you're never allowed to open up to him, because depression is so awful that you need all the help you can get. One shouldn't exclude the other.

I lurk on the mental health page on here (for nostalgia?!)
Maybe pop over there for some support if you havent already.

thanks guys will cross over on that page and yeah it does do my head in looking at the same 4 walls over and over plus knowing its the same routine everyday