To not want to how difficult it is to find babysitters for people coming to my party

[alyssa1980]

I've got a big birthday coming up in August and have planned a Dinner out. We're paying for pre-dinner drinks, wine with the meal and for pudding.

Obviously I've invited my friends. Lots of people have replied and said they're happy to come but two of my best local friends have complained that it's difficult for them because the people they would normally ask to babysit (each other or me) have also been invited.

I've given people lots of notice so they can make arrangements. Since we're paying for most of it maybe they could hire a babysitter? Or ask on of their other friends who I haven't invited? Both friends also have parents who live within an hour of them and who have babysat on lots of occassions.

If it's too much hassle I don't mind if they don't come but what's the point in complaining to me about it? They can't expect me change my plans surely?

YANBU - it's up to them to find a solution (or not, in which case they don't come)! Unless their babies are tiny, I don't buy this "we don't have babysitters" line - surely everyone has a few 16-18 year olds living nearby?!

Exactly, withorwithoutyou. Each person probably thinks they are the only one passing on a problem to the organiser, but when it's multiplied several times that's quite a lot extra to deal with as well as organising the event.

They are A) Not all that bothered about your party and B) not being unreasonable by telling you they're having problems. GPs may be on holiday, (it is holiday season after all), or maybe they feel they can't ask or perhaps they have other plans, or your friends may have asked them a lot lately and don't want to ask them again right now. Could be anything really.

It IS difficult finding people you trust just like that. I'm having the very same problem and may not be able to go to a party because my parents and inlaws are unavailable. I do not allow just anyone to look after my children, I would rather miss the party.

YABU, If they are very close friends they will probably be a bit miffed that you know how hard it is for them to arrange for a sitter but you appear not be bothered. Which you aren't!

You see it doesn´t come across to me as passing the problem on.
You say they are your "best local" friends.

I would certainly expect to be able to tell a good friend that I was struggling for a babysitter as she had invited them-without her taking umbrage at it or thinking I was passing the buck or trying a guilt trip.

Now I have been in your friends position before. There are a whole range of reasons why they wouldn't use a professional babysitter - my dc's have always been v uncomfortable with someone they don't know for babysitting, though they may seem outwardly independent, for example. We don't go out often enough to make it worth while getting them to know one on a regular basis.

If it's August then there are holiday complications as well.

I also hate, hate, hate being at any social occasion on my own where it's otherwise all couples.

They don't expect you to sort out their problem or change your plans. They're just warning you that they may not be able to come. The only thing I'd say you should do is get them to confirm whether they are actually coming or not!

Yes. But. It's v. bad form to say to the OP 'gosh I'd love to come but as you are the person who normally babysits for us, I can't."

So what do they want the OP to say? "Wow, fair point mate. Tell you what, I'll come and sit and you go enjoy the party. Hey, and have a drink for me. After all, I am paying for it."

Or you could be like my friend who, having organised her major birthday celebration months in advance and given me an invitation, rang me the day before to say "we haven't managed to organise a babysitter. Could DSs come to yours for a sleepover?"

You can imagine the MIL's face when I relayed the request - not only would she be looking after 3 grandchildren, but also two extras. And she had driven three hours for the privilege.

Some people are just flakey. You have given plenty of notice. It is their problem. Not yours.

I don't think they said that, Merrylegs, did they? They probably have taken alyssa1980 out of the equation and as that leaves them with 'each other' they actually DO have a bit of a problem.