to think my parents have finally lost it?

[OrmRenewed]

I have been worried about mum and dad for a while - both 79 and not in perfect health. They have big house and high-maintenance large garden and no help with any of it. They are getting less and less safe in a car too. They are about 14 miles from us. I would like them to move somewhere smaller, preferably somewhere nearer me. Finally got them to admit they are thinking of buying a flat in Wells - no nearer me but easier to look after as they get older. But now during a holiday in Sidmouth they have been looking round estate agents with the view to buying a house there. A house! With gardens. Most of Sidmouth is on hills. And it's 3 times as far from me.

Yes I know it's their life but FFS how am I supposed to get down there at the drop of a hat if dad gets taken into hospital again, or mum damages her foot.

Maybe I need to accept they want me to butt out Or maybe it's just a whim that will come to nothing.

Have you explained to them why you think they should get something smaller and nearer to you?

Yes.

Mum just says I shouldn't worry about them. That they are fine. Dad had a heart op in November, keeps getting infections because of his catheter. Mum has bad athritis and a kidney problem.

Could they sell up and rent a place for a little while to see if the distance/lifestyle etc suits?

Although you are considering the location for all the right reasons, it has to be their choice.

Oh, very difficult for you Orm.

Maybe they just don't want to accept that they are getting frailer and more dependent. Hopefully this will be a whim. Maybe you could encourage them to stick where they are (which is better than Sidmouth) or even get at static caravan in that area, then they can enjoy summer there, but still come home to be near you?

Could you sell it to them a different way. You need them closer to you as you want to see them more, would like to think they are close by if you need them, the children will love it......etc etc.

I am in Kent and my Nana was in York and it was such a worry being so far away, she wasn't keen on the long travel for me and her family she did have close did just enough to cop for all the money bugger all.

I hope it's just a whim. They mentioned it when we popped down there yesterday. I didn't take it seriously TBH. Then mum rang me today and said she'd been to get some details. nicky - I suspect they'd not go for the static caravan thing - don't like them very much.

I am just going to have to try and relax about it. Not my business, not my business, not my busines.......

Oh dear - I remember your original thread about the garden.

From your description, I can't see them wanting to buy a flat with no access to outside space, tbh.

Did you ever watch the episode of Location Location Location with the elderly couple downsizing? Might it give them some ideas? It is available online.

Do you know what's most important for them in a house? Are they looking for somewhere in beautiful surroundings, for example?

Fab's idea is good. ANd the kids do love grandparents being nearby.

Yes they want beautiful surroundings but normally they also want to belong - they've been in their current house for 35 years so have laid down lots of roots - but so many of their friends have died now I guess the links are mainly memories. Wells is a place they like a lot and they do volunteer work there quite often - also very pretty place, small enough to be accessible for them, big enough to have all the things they have to drive for now. Sidnouth is just pretty - no other reasons for them to be there at all.

They have always loved being near their GC but now I think they find it hard work. I suspect brief visits once a month or so would suit them better