to flirt with someone at work

[trampydrawers]

How far does it need to go before it goes too far?

I get on really well with a guy at work, he's yummy to look at and we have a real laugh. We only work together one day a week and when we do we have a good flirt.
He often makes comments about taking me to bed or wishing this that and the other to do to me-the other day he had to come into my office and he shut the door behind him and said "right now i have got you to myself" then we just laughed, but he made a sort of "ooh i wish face" before he left. A few weeks ago he came up to me a joked that he had really got "the horn" and that i should stay away from him today other wise he may not be responsible for his actions. We have never touched other than the same morning hug that we all give and a once he pecked me on the cheek in a greeting. Other than the flirting has all been verbal and for a laugh.

It's only a small office.(13 people employed in total but some are in another branch on some days and not on others) with 6 members of staff most of the time, it's an arty place and everyone here has bags of personality, great sense of humour, we all play silly tricks and jokes a lot and we all get on really well, we often meet socially too. One of my colleagues, a peer and someone i get on with really well insinuated that she thought that this guy actually does want a bit more. It's never occured to me that this may be the case and I'm not up for that. I'm happily married and he has a girlfriend. A laugh and a joke is all well and good but now I'm worried that a bit of harmless flirt fun has gone too far but at the same time I have to be honest to say I enjoy the possibilty that he might actually fancy me-(what a self esteem boost after having a child, its always nice to know you still got it) but want nothing more than that.
What should I do, cos i'd quite like to carry on as we are. Am I being unreasonable to expect this to carry on harmlessly, should I be flirting at all, fun or not. Should I say something and potentially embarras myself if he isn't actually fancying me.

No i wouldnt like it if my husband was flirting with a women from work.

"he could have tried something then but, he never flirted once-totally down the line normal, fun joking chatting laughing but never made a single sexual reference. It's like he flirts with me just for attention-"

exactly, you are simply entertainment for him and when he wasn't at boring work he dropped you like a hot brick.

Agree with wannabe.

Would it be acceptable to you if your dh was doing this?

Yes, this actually sounds like it could result in you getting a bit hurt.

Ah well, the funs over then I guess. It's funny how you can allow yourself to be sucked into these things. Kidding yourself this is harmless fun just for a bit of an ego massage.

Thing is-as for dropping me like a hot brick, we are actually all becoming freinds-including my hubby & kids and his g/f. He and I have worked together a yr almost now and I do feel we can be mates. I shall just have to encourage him to be more appropriate. To be honest I think he is just one of those guys who is like that! Shame though, I was enjoying the attention and dont believe that it had anything to do with respecting myself, I was never in any danger of actually doing anything except for maybe the odd fantasy-does that make me bad person?

No - not bad person. Don't want to sound judgmental. It is nice to get some attention from someone other than your DH (assuming your DH also thinks you are wonderful).

Having DCs and not feeling your old self does change things, doesn't it?

sounds more like
he worships the ground he walks on

you are not a bad person. but phew, it was a close one

now extricate youself woman

it has a lot to do with respecting yourself.

you allow yourself to be the butt of this man's jokes (and believe me he tells his mates about this daft cow at work who hangs of his every word).

you allow yourself to be the topic of your colleagues' whispered gossiping and surmiseing as to what else you two might have got up to, or how silly you are to let him 'woo' you.

How do you still fancy a guy who says he has "got the horn"?

I think things have gotten way too far already - is this really called flirting? I thought flirting was a bit of praise and laughter (or something), not talking about getting one to bed. Like others said, how would you like it if DH spoke to some lady at work about "his horn"?

Does your DH know you two flirt like this? I bet he doesn't. Also how are things between DH and you? I mean really how are things as a couple as you seem a bit too excited about this guy at work. Don't answer the question here, just really ask yourself.

"How far does it need to go before it goes too far? "

Not as far as this IMO. Sounds tacky and inappropriate for the work place.

Too late! Sorry.

Flirting and fantasy is fine. But his comments were too near the knuckle and would have had me puking in the waste bin. Subtle flirting is much more fun!

i don't think a bit of fun flirting at work is unreasonable for a married woman to do.

i think the sort of thing he's saying goes beyond that though - and obviously you no longer feel comfortable about it.

try and take a step back from this, at the moment it is fun - from your post, it is very evident that being unfaithful would not be fun at all.
make it clear where the boundary is.

YABU

when I first read your post I thought you meant harmless banter, but this is off!

your poor DH thats all I can say

just dont flirt back, keep it non sexual, put up a photo and he'll get the message

I don't think he mean's anything by joking with you, maybe he think's you look like you need a bit of a confidence boost.

he never actually used the phrase he had the horn-I was paraphrasing-what he actually said was that the warm weather had a "funny affect on him and that I should stay away"

I know I know...it has to stop

Humph

You should be flattered(apart from the horn,yuck) everyone need's to feel wanted,how is your relationship with your DH? does he pay you enough attention? if not,maybe you should have a chat with him about it.

Whether he used words like warm weather having a funny affect or the horn, it doesn't matter because regardless he doesn't sound classy - at all.

Flirt with someone who has better lines and who doesn't take it so far, better yet don't flirt with someone who you fancy (so much!) as then you are more in control.

What the point in flirting with someone you dont fancy!!

Yeah you're right but I think you fancy this guy a bit too much. Fancy but not fancy so much is what I mean.

It seems as if you almost wanted more to happen at the Christmas do. Am I wrong? Be honest! If yes, you fancy him in dangerous territory.

No I honestly did not want anything to happen- I have reiterated several times that I am not into the idea of a full blown affair or even a one off cop off- I adore my hubby and my family life and would never ever put that at risk, but I also dont see why that has to stop me from enjoying a bit of harmless flirting. I still enjoy male attention.

I considered the possibilty that it was going to be the first time I saw him drunk and if he was going to be like that when sober how dreadful it would be if he was drunk. I was concerned there may have been an embarrasing situation.

Flirting is fine so long as there is no hidden agenda. The way you put, it sounds like he is definitely looking for an affair.

I would ask him seriously if he would like to sleep with you then if he says yes, just say "shame it's never gonna happen". If he just likes flirting he will probably laugh it off, if not he will be too embarrassed to pursue you anymore.

you are making a fool of yourself

you do realise people will be taking the piss behind your back, don't you ?

and acting in a very unprofessional manner too

tone it down...before you get yourself a reputation and the idle gossip gets back to your DH or his GF

unless they are swingers and you are being groomed as potential playthings...in which case, carry on