to not want mil to visit

[lecce]

in my last week of maternity leave?
I have been off for a year and am a full-time teacher, dh is sahd. I get on ok with her, though she can be a bit over-bearing but I know she loves the dcs. It's really nothing personal, just want my children to myself in that week and not have to consider anyone else.

She and dh arranged it last night without consulting me, she would be coming for 1 night, 2 days. I know it's not a lot... Dh was annoyed when I said I wasn't that happy but seemed to understand my pov when I explained but I feel another row will occur when I remind him to ring her later today.

Also, does it make a difference that she has offered to lend us money should we need it over the next few weeks as we have no money coming in until I get paid end of July and our savings are nearly gone. We may well need to take her up on her offer. I say it's not relevant as I'm not asking her to never come, just to put it off for a week; dh disagrees.

Really interested to hear opinions of others.

Put if off another week and tell her the reason why. I would!

Yanbu to want to have time for you and the dc. I think I'd be most annoyed because I hadn't been consulted - they just assumed you would have no plans and would accomodate theirs. Hmmm. Dh should have discussed it with you, out of courtesy if nothing else! It's not an unreasonable length of time to stay though, so perhaps let her come, but say to dh, "Could you talk to me first before inviting mil to stay in future please, as I had planned to do xyz." Regarding hte money - I don't think it should make a difference. She's not giving you money in return for letting her visit.

YANBU. Its your home too. Your DH should have consulted you about it.

If you want to have a nice week with your DCs that is fine. Its not like you are telling her to cancel, but postpone the visit. Your DH should respect your wishes, especially as he didn't bother to speak to you about it in the first place.

Bearing in mind her generosity in your time of need and obvious love of the children, I would be inclined to swallow her visit.

Perhaps use it as a chance for some YOU time, before you go back to work. Then plan lots of nice things for just you and the kids when she heads home.

I think YAB a little U.

But NU not to have been consulted on an overnight visit.

Thanks for replies. Good point about lack of consulatation but must admit I don't always consult him about when my parents are coming.
I was right about another row happening when it was mentioned again but it was a lot worse than I'd anticipated. He told me I'm ridiculous and selfish because I've "had a fucking year off" there was a lot more swearing than that actually. I've been in bits about it all day. It has brought home to me the fact that I'll be back at work soon and am so upset that he puts his mother's feeling before mine every time.
He later calmed down and agreed with me again but still hasn't phoned her to let her know. I just hope he doesn't have another change of heart if I remind him again.

Yeah, tell him to go back to work then. Cheeky bastard! A year off?! Off my arse.

You have to tell him that speaking to you like this isn't on. He wouldn't accept anyone else talking to you like a piece of dirt, being your husband does not give him the right.

You have had a year with your DCs so why ids this week so special????

Yolur poor MIL, so her money is good enough to come to your house but she is not

She should spend the money she was going to lend you on a little holiday for herself

Sorry about the visit, but it's probably too divisive to cancel it. Have a go at DH instead.

And when you are having a go at him, tell him : "year off", hah! When my DH was made redundant and was "off work" for 3 months last year, he was desperate to get back to work so he could "have a rest", and admitted that to anyone who asked. A real back-handed compliment, but still an acknowledgement of what a SAHP does.

I have this problem with DH a lot! It's getting better, but as a SAHM, I find it really annoying when he invites people I barely know to come and stay for a week and then continues to work 6 days and 3 nights, leaving me to do all the entertaining!!

Personally, I know my MiL would take it as an insult if I said she couldn't come after DH said she could (no matter what the reason). I would take the visit, but make sure DH knew how unreasonable he had been to arrange it without asking.

Could you ring your MIL yourself and just say that unfortunately DH hadn't spoken to you and that you'd already got plans for that week (no need to outline what they are or that they are for you to spend time at home alone with dc!) and ask her if it would be possible for her to come the next week (or whenever) instead - which would be your first week back and therefore she might provide a useful diversion for your dc when you are suddenly gone when they are used to having you around full time.

No need to run it past your dh - after all if he is happy to make arrangements without asking you then you get to do it too . And if you do it all chattily with her, men eh, forgetting to check what plans are, yadda yadda, you might get conspiratorial and pally bonus points with mil too...

and then if the next week is not possible for her, then you move forward checking diaries until you find some time in the future when it is possible for her to come.

Hopefully if you emphasise to your dh that it not her coming that you object to, just the timings and that his DM is more than happy to change the timings then he can't complain? Unless he has realised you are back off to work and wants to get out and do things himself in that last week!

Good luck on getting it sorted -

Thanks again for all replies.
Zipzap, in the end I did pretty much as you said though did speak to dh first. Turned out his outburst was because he was scared of telling her she'd have to change her plans! She was fine about it thank goodness.
Feel I should add in dh's defence that his comment about my year off was aimed at the 'year' ie what is so special about this week, you've had a year; not the 'off'. He has been a sahd to ds1 for nearly 2 years and will now revert to this role. He does a really good job and knows it's no holiday!
To the poster who mentioned 'poor' mil, I do take your point but don't worry about mil's finances and holidays. She has plenty of money and takes several holidays a year; she can well afford to lend us the money. That sounds crass, I don't take her for granted but she's not such a victim.
Thanks again for replies, it felt really good to vent!