to think that my friends could be more supportive of me starting a business.

[IwishiwasinFrance]

I recently started a business(which I am obviously not going to advertise here)and I had hoped, not expected, but hoped that my friends would be pleased and supportive. The mother of my dd's best friend recommended a supplier which I didn't know but decided to go with so as a thankyou i offered to add a couple of things to the order for her at cost. She kept me waiting for three days while she decided with the words "i'm like a kid in a candy store" and then asked for 23 items. They are all high end girls gifts so the difference between cost and retail was huge. Money is a huge problem for us at the moment so if she had taken two or three at cost and the rest(which I assume she actually wanted and wasn't buying as an act of charity) it would have allowed me to buy a banner for my gazebo which I use at fairs, as it is I am still saving despite doing three market stalls a week as well as fairs. Set-up costs are huge but I chose to do this so that is of course my problem and something I have factored in. I just feel taken advantage of I suppose.
Other friends have taken things but not bothered to look at my website or wish me luck or offer to spread the word or frankly give a monkeys. I know that everyone is busy and has their own lives and I don't expect everyone to buy but AIBU to have hoped for more support and just goodwill really. I feel it more because I have no extended family. I am an only child, my mother is dead, my father is disabled and lives 60 miles away and my in-laws are in New Zealand so friends mean a lot to me, as they do to all of us I know, but I hope you understand what I mean when I say it's different when there's no "safety net" or family cheering you on. I appreciate not everyone's family is the Waltons but when you don't have one you really think it is!

yanbu to want support at all. Mabe they are jealous that you are so enterprising or very cynical. Get some better mates.All the best with your business and don't let thoses misery guts cramp your style!

Could they maybe be avoiding that feeling that they have to buy something off you?
It can be awkward when a friend gets into selling stuff and are expecting their circle of friends to be their customers.

(It might not be the case with whatever it is you're doing).

I don't get that involved in what my friends do at work.

Awwww, I think your mates are just preoccupied with their own lives.

Except the woman who asked for 23 items at cost - she a greedy cow that one

tbh you're going to have to learn to be more assertive if you want to succeed in business. If you couldn't afford to let your friend have 23 items at cost you should have said so. You have no friends in business.

wrt friends, tbh there's nothing worse than feeling under pressure to buy from/put the word out about someone's business. People should do it because they want to, not because they feel it's expected of them.

I know what you mean paisley leaf and to be honest that's what I thought it was and I have bent over backwards to avoid putting people on the spot. I certainly wouldn't do a party for my business for example even though i offer PTA fundraisers and dd's friend's mother is chair of our PTA. But yes, I take your point.

In business, especially if self employed, you have to have Self Confidence and be harsh.

In other words....Think Like A Man....

Sorry i know this is a sexist thing to say but we women do ourselves down with our 'cottage industries'. Ignore and avoid the nay sayers and the 'friends' who want a favour. I have a friend who illustrates cards - she thinks it's a bit on the side and a bit of a laugh (something to do on the side while looking after kids). I have another friend who illustrates cards - he is very successful and leaves the house 9-5 to go to a studio.

Imagine you are the sole provider for your family. Imagine it's you or nothing.

And avoid the same craft fairs where you are staring at the same faces month upon month and selling nowt.

And fuck the PTA they will grasp as much as they can and offer nothing in return....

Op I know exactly how u feel. I have started my own business to, (not selling anything btw) and I've also felt that some, but not all, of my close friends could have been a hell of a lot more supportive. Certain friends don't even bother to ask how I'm getting on, or bother to spread the word at all!
When I first started up I got really upset about it, but u know what? I've managed to have a really succesful first few months without their help, and without getting pissed off and falling out with them. And I'm far more proud of myself for it!
My advice would be to ignore it, carry on with life, and smile smugly to yourself when you're far more succesful than them!

Cupcakes?

Yanbu at all! You have taken a huge leap of faith in starting your own business, so good on you! I think sometimes friends are dismissive without seeming to be. Focus on your business and your family. Good luck!

that should have said without meaning to be, not seeming!

Sorry, but I have to say I am with some other posters on this, in thinking you should have refused the discount on the 23 items (or at least 20 of them), and also in thinking friends might help or be supportive. They have probably been asked to "support" lots of other businesses which are not really businesses, and are too wary of that kind of thing to even ask you.

Someone I know recently bought a business, rather a niche business, from a family member, and I am not at all convinced it is going to work out as a proper, profitable business. For a start, it is a service/product which you don't need everyday, and is definitely a luxury. Also, she bought it from a family member and that person's friend/business partner, who will have exhausted the immediate circle of potential "clients", leaving the new owner of the business with only friends and family who are not mutual. She is not advertising, preferring word-of-mouth. The stuff is expensive. And I understand that she has several thousand pounds' worth of equipment to pay off....

Going back to your situation:

• If you do another round of discounts, do proper, one-use vouchers, based on a minimum spend, and with a limit to items bought. Don't do it at cost, but a maximum 15% off. Anyone who wants a voucher can be sent one, but they have to go on your mailing list. Definitely don't do codes which can be passed around.
• If you're selling something you can wear, wear it, don't get other people to wear it.
• Advertise properly, rather than relying on word-of-mouth. The outlay will really motivate you to cut the freebies!

Sorry to be so harsh, but this sort of thing seems to happen again and again with new businesses, and it is not the way to be profitable. I freely admit that I would be rubbish at a lot of the things I am advising (sales - ouf, can't do it), but I know my limits and keep out of it.

"too wary of that kind of thing to even ask you."

Sorry, that should be "too wary of that kind of thing to even ask you more about the business."

As a business woman you need to be clear in your own mind what limit you have on discounts and most of all, you need to be able to say no graciously.

Your friends should be supporting you with ideas and help at sales. Having them as customers strains friendships (as it already is), creates misleading sales figures and reduces the time you spend looking for real customers.

Good luck with the business.

I've been thinking about coming back to apologise for projecting the situation I know of onto yours. You do sound more motivated and busy than she does, so I'm sorry I was a bit rude.

However, it may not be entirely unfair of me to have projected, as that is likely what your friends around you are doing: that is, making assumptions about your business based on the sort of desultory "activity" they have seen others enagaged in.

Anyway, hopefully, some of this harsh talk has given you fire in your eyes and chilli in your bottom, and you have leaped away from the computer to go out and sell like mad to strangers who don't care about you, only about what you are selling. That would be the ticket! Aspirational business PR (Johnnie Boden, Jamie Oliver, the Duchess of York , etc.) is not something most people can get away with. Or ought to try. Apart from anything else, it's bloody expensive to carry off!

Hi Guys
Thanks for all your messages which are great and I completely take on board what you're saying. I hope my business is a proper business and I am investing a lot into advertising and selling in as many places as I can given childcare restrictions. Not many people want your children from 7.15 in the morning which is the time the DH has to leave forr work. I leave at 6.10 so I can trade on farmers markets and in county shows etc to get the word out and the money in. Two truly wonderful women are doing a morning each and I also do every weekend and school holidays as DH is a teacher, hence no money! but obviously there's the effect on the dc so will have to see. I like to think I'm a good role model especially as the dd announced that she wasn't going to work because the mother in question, Mrs "take all, give nowt" doesn't work.Thanks wingedvictory. Actually I sell exclusively to strangers and am now taking orders for a new product I brought in last week as well as contacting people who are in a complementary business to see if we can link and promote each others things. I'm being super careful not to appear to be advertising so that's why it's so vague. I haven't bought a franchise, I've set up everything from scratch on a shoestring starting with a table at a school fair and I'm an ex-teacher so what do I know about business. Naff all unfortunately but learning on the job. It is a range of products which all of us on this website will need at some time or another. I didn't offer a discount though, I just made a gesture as athankyou for telling me about a brand I hadn't heard of but decided to try, I was acknowleging her input. To be honest she asked for so many and took so long I thought she'd phoned roumd her friends up country and said, "tell me what you want I'll get it." As it was quite a lot of the things were "out of stock," funny how things work out, but I felt in an awkward position because our daughters are bestfriends and it's a very small school. Prior to this I@d papid for her and her entire family to go to the cinema twice and given that she lives in a beautiful house with "grounds" and I have a semi I can barely afford which she takes great pleasure in sneering at,this seems a bit mean. I suppose I wasn't expecting any volume of sales from people I know but just a bit of empathy. When the boot has been on the other foot I've bought an apron I don't need or whatever just to be nice. I didn't kid myself it made a scrap of difference to their sales it was just a show of solidarity .Anyway, I wanted to say thank you to everyone and I am going to stop wallowing in a sea of self-pity and get on and be the next Johnnie Boden, sort of,on my own personal fantasy island that is selling different things without his cash but hey, a bit of self-delusion never hurt anyone! Sorry for typos, no time to correct. Not because I'm a cutthroat buiness woman but Brownies calls. Isn't it great being Mum

i agree, toughen up girl! This is BUSINESS asnd you need to forget about friends and focus on making money. sod their support, this is about you standing on your feet and surviving and making a profit asap

no favours, no freebies, try and find a new market

Hi, thanks for the update. I like the sound of your working regime, so properly punishing businesslike! The complementary sales sound a good strategy, too.

Seriously, this is the sort of tone I would hope to hear from someone with her own business. It's a real shame about the sneering woman, but if you are getting on happily, selling to strangers, she can piss off or pay up! What a shame you will be seeing more of her, with your DDs being friends.

As for your other friends, maybe they aren't business minded. It's amazing how many people aren't, and don't enjoy looking at potential outlets, ways of cost-cutting, etc.

I think that people without their own businesses often don't really understand what goes into them, so they can't really be much help or support. It's a bit like child-free friends trying to see what a parent is talking about - it's very difficult to understand from the outside. Have you joined a local business women's network? You might get more support that way?