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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to have forgotten what went with frangipan?

1008 replies

Hullygully · 23/05/2010 19:56

Skips prettily about the vast empty potentiality of the empty Hall and awaits.

OP posts:
MadameDefarge · 09/08/2010 23:22

Oh yes. Its all very new for her, and such a big change. But soon enough it'll become normal and she really won't remember a time before dd2. And remember, babies are pretty damn dull for the first weeks (apart from to us parents), she'll be much more engaged when dd2 starts smiling and responding to her...and growing and becoming her own little person.

You sound so lovely as a mum, you care so much about dd1, and are thinking so carefully about how she feels. This is the best foundation for her. She knows you care about how she feels, and that will give her such an amazing start in life. Challenges are thrown up all the time, but that foundation of care and consideration of her feelings will give her such an advantage, she knows she counts and her feelings matter, you are teaching her how to manage those feelings, even if they are hard. I guess the difficult balance is the acknowledgement of them, without giving her the sense they are overwhelming or wrong. I think you are striking exactly the right note.

I only mention the dyspraxia, because that is what ds has, it does not mean dd1 has it, or that I think she has, its simply there are some parallels, and I know how tricky it can be to parent a really sensitive child, because you care so much about them (and I think, you, like me, were also very sensitive as a child, and so can utterly relate to her feelings) but part of being an aware parent is that you know what that feels like, and can help her manage it. Just by acknowledging her feelings, you are probably doing so much more than our parents ever could, because we think about it so much more.

Phew! I guess I am saying, don't worry overmuch...she'll be fine with the fab parenting you are giving her. And if, and it only is an if, there is something else, such as dyspraxia, then you will also manage that fabulously too.

Being sensitive is an amazing gift. Though it often feels like a burden if one's parenting has been lacking, You are doing all the right things to make her feel her specialness, rather than feeling wrong. You can't change who she is, and nor would you wish to, but I really really think sensitive children, while not being as robust as others, offer so much to their peers and the world, and as long as they are cherished and celebrated at home, they can learn to face the world and its challenges with reasonable equanimity and eventual triumph.

Whenever I feel a bit down about ds, I remember just how loved he was by his very rough and tumble peers at a challenging London primary...they really responded to his kindness and gentleness...even a couple of years later (such a long time in little peoples lives) when I meet his old class mates in the street, they still beg for news of him, and say they want him to come back.

Oh dear, a bit of an essay! You know what I mean, though!

Go girl!

pagwatch · 10/08/2010 08:18

Oh good grief yes,
agree with all ofthat oh pouty Madame

DS1 was astonishingly sensitive, not just in terms of sensitivities to food and noise etc, but also he was anxious aboutthings. This included not wanting to worry us so he developed a 'brave face' at about 6 years old [sigh].
I remember being out with DS2 and people were staring as usual. DS1 said not a word to complain but sat in the cafe eating his chocolate cake treat with tears pouring down his face.
It was so very upsetting. He was hard to parent because I wanted him to feel less, which of course he simply couldn't.

We turned the corner with him when he went to senior school.
That is not to say you will be worried as long as that - don't forget DS1 had all the trauma of his brothers diagnosis, three school changes and two house move to over come.
But he finally started realsising that he was well liked and really good at stuff. He started to get his confidence back.
Older children really start to value the gifts that sensitive, emotional people have.
I remember in a PHSE class they were talking about problems and how you share, how you get advice. The teacher asked the class who they would go to ifthey had a problem and needed both support and advice. Of a class of 20 boys , 17 said DS1. He was shocked but really pleased.
I am concious that I am rambling. But what I am trying to say is that children will struggle while they figure these things out and we try so hard to supportthem. But ultimately they can do it, they can get to the point where they recognise their own sensitivities and manage or embrace them.
the hardest thing is trying to support them because we just want them not to struggle. But I think part ofthat struggle is the very thing that will ultimately make them very together, self aware people.

I would love to say that I parented DS1 through his issues butthe truth is I didn't. I had other fish to fry. But as it turned out all I had to do was love him and assure him that he was much loved, and time etc didthe rest.
I think your DCs are slightly luckier than my poor boy - you are both far more aware and supportive than I was which must bode well for your Dcs

Gibbon · 10/08/2010 09:24

Mimi and Pag, honest to God, I don't think you guys will ever know how much I appreciate you taking the time to talk me through this and share your experiences with me.

That probably sounds over the top to some, but I truly mean it.

I know I haven't met either of you but from what I know of your parenting, I would be so happy to think I had done as well as caring for my DC's and giving them the best start they can have as you both(Pag, never let me hear you say your poor boy again, nothing could be further from the truth, no one does so well and achieves so much by accident Smile)

Oddly enough I was not one bit worried about DD1 before DD2 was born. Yes, I have always known she is more sensitive than her peers, but this never worried me and I never pushed her. It's just the way she seems to have gone into orbit these last few weeks that I find hard to see. Just want to hold her and make all her anxiety better.

That's what makes me totally relate to wanting to make it better for her. To take away the stress and worry, to feel less as you say and that is just not possible. Nor, I think, is it healthy to shelter her from the world. As you both say I just need to support and encourage her and simply be here. Be her rock and her constant.

I honestly can't thank you enough. You have helped me see more clearly and worry less (and if you knew me in real life you would know this is no mean feat Grin)

You are both bloody fantastic mums and I am so pleased we started these crazy threads

x

MadameDefarge · 10/08/2010 17:55

ah, getta way wid ya, ya soppy wench!

Gibbon · 10/08/2010 18:28

I know, imagine if I had been drinking wine. There would be tongues and everything.

Grin

I would LOVE to be a buxom wench.

pagwatch · 10/08/2010 18:38

aw shucks. You guys!

MadameDefarge · 10/08/2010 19:16

ow! thanks, (I think!)

Gibbon · 10/08/2010 20:12
Grin
Gibbon · 10/08/2010 20:14

I was looking for images of buxom wenches and saw this and tacky as it is I can't stop giggling.

Gibbon · 14/08/2010 10:59

It was the T shirt wasn't it.

Damn it, I always blow it by revealing my love of poor quality, tacky sexist T shirts.

Umami · 18/08/2010 11:37

I liked your poor quality, tacky sexist t-shirt Gibbon! I think we should each purchase one, and wear them whilst having an on-line IPOAT pirate adventure on World Talk Like a Pirate Day, which is but 1 month away. Garrrrrrrrrrrrrr!

Gibbon · 19/08/2010 08:16

Widow, that sounds like a splendid idea!! Talk/post like a pirate day - am so going to have to that.

Umami · 23/08/2010 20:15

I'm all alone on this great big thread now. I can talk to myself and say whatever I like and no one will know. It's really quite exciting.

Hully Umami, you know I've always had a bit of a soft spot for you. Oh stop, you'll turn my head with your silken words. No, I want to say it. You are quite the most gorgeous and fascinating creature that ever graced these hallowed, empty, echoing MN halls. Would you care to dance? Oh, well, excuse me while I place my fan on the walnut whatnot and slide gracefully into your extraordinarily rich arms.

PrincessFiorimonde · 23/08/2010 23:20

Dear Umami, you must never feel yourself alone.

I love the walnut whatnot, though have uneasy feeling it post-dates dear Mr Rochester.

Twirl away, m'dear!

pagwatch · 24/08/2010 13:15

woooow ...you are all alone with a one legged decomposing Captain......
mmmwhahahaha

Where the fuck is everyone? And where the farking bollocks is Hully ?

Hullygully · 24/08/2010 16:23

Ooooo I am nearly corporeal again. I have had to be ethereal for sooo long - tis hard to feel once again the fleshy limits of my bodily self, but try I must as they won't let me tarry longer. Oooo

have missed you all greatly - should be corporeal by week's endish.

Gib - agree with all others , plus would say don't forget your own sensitivites will be greatly oxytocined and hyper.

Ooooooo. Xx

OP posts:
pagwatch · 24/08/2010 16:30

Oh Hully Smile Grin HULLY HULLY HULLY

I am so pleased.
I love you Hully. Its true

Hullygully · 24/08/2010 16:36

Embraces pag in an unseemly fashion but arms not yet inhabited so a bit floppy. Realises funny machine she is on doesn't have necessary action emoticons

OP posts:
Jamieandhismagictorch · 24/08/2010 16:59

Hello all!

Gibbon - I feel a bit emotional and i have lots I could say but it could get quite long and boring -but really the wise pag and Mimi have said it all.

I have posted on your DD thread.

All I wanted to add was that I really really understand.
Nowhere in RL have I found anyone else with a child like my DS1 and it has been a great great comfort to find there are lots of them (us). Your last sentence above says it all really. Acceptance, support and love. Let her know she is O.K.

Umami · 24/08/2010 18:00

Hurrah! I thought a little light plagiarism might do it! I almost started a 'paedhomonecrophiliac on every corner' AIBU to recorporealise Hully, but all it needed was a walnut whatnot.

How are you all dear ladies?

Gibbon · 24/08/2010 20:11

Hully you elusive devil you! wonderful to see you Grin have missed you muchly x

Thank you for your kind words re DD1, you too Jamie (saw your lovely post on my other thread x)

Thankfully, she has been much happier and more like her old self this last week. Still as sensitive as ever but far less anxious and emotional and she is not getting upset like she was, am greatly relieved Smile

I am so happy to have her back IYKWIM Smile

Ahhh tis lovely to see you all.

PrincessFiorimonde · 24/08/2010 21:07

Dear Hully, welcome back. I know you went on holiday, and hope you enjoyed it, but you were away so long I was afraid you had eurythmied in an inappropriate venue, leading to incarceration in a place where your love-dust could not work its magic.

(Have you been ill? (Please forgive me if that's too personal a question.))

Umami, I see that we have to add 'power of resurrection' to your manifold gifts and charms. Wink

Gibbon, I am so happy that your DD1 is back to her old self. She is a sensitive child, but that is a lovely thing in many ways, and how great it is that she has a sensitive mother looking out for her. Smile

Jamie, I've worried that I said something on this thread a while back that may have annoyed you. If so, I apologise heartily and hope you will forgive me.

Pag, have seen you on a few threads recently and all that you say is just the voice of reason. [unreasonable Envy emoticon]

Mimi, I daresay, is dispensing various favours recipes to Famous Chefs of her acquaintance...

Gibbon · 24/08/2010 21:41

Princess you are so lovely I doubt you could upset anyone Smile

Oh yes indeed, it is nice to see this thread no longer languishing at the bottom of 'threads I'm on' Why it deserves it's own comeback tour.

Grin
Jamieandhismagictorch · 25/08/2010 07:50

Princess - Bless you ! You haven't upset me, lovey (but am now intrigued Grin).

No - I've been on holiday for 3 weeks, and then this thread dropped off my I'm On list completely. So I have been contenting myself with AIBU and the occasional Baby Name

Jamieandhismagictorch · 25/08/2010 08:25

I have just looked back. It would take a darn sight more that that to upset me. I'm nails, I am. No, 'twas funny. Now I feel bad at the thought you've been worrying about upsetting me ....

It's all my fault - buggering off without telling anyone I was going on holiday.

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