to tell this girl she is a total fruitloop

[RedRedWine1980]

I have a work acquaintance who is very needy and worries about everything under the sun. Most people have been friends with her then ignored her as she gets very full on with texting and phoning even when shes been asked to curb it. Her own best friend dissolved their friendship because of the constant stream of texts/calls and insecurity if she didnt reply to her almost immediatley. Since then she has bombarded her ex friend with flowers, cards, balloons and even contacted her boyfriend to say how much she misses her friend and wants her back. Me and another colleague who took pity on her told her to reign it in a bit or she could end up with a restraining order.
Now my friend has had a bit of a rough time of late and has been off work, this girl keeps phoning and texting her and my mate has said shes depressed and down at the mo, and shes quite frankly peed off hearing about the situation with the ex friend.
She is now asking me for my mates address as she hasnt replied to her texts or calls, wants to send her cards and all sorts to tell her she cares but my mate is getting really angry with it all and feeling a bit freaked. Ive told her to lay off the calls and texts as she isnt in a good place at the mo.
Im tempted to call her a freaking psycho and tell her to get a grip but after she and her friend fell out she got really down, had time off etc and I dont want to wreck her career.
WWYD?

Has your place of work got any access to counselling services? Perhaps you could suggest that?
Wouldnt call her a pyscho, probably won't help! But def don't give out any addresses and explain why.

How did she send flowers, cards and balloons if she didn't have her address?

Talk to your manager about it?

I think if you can do it without causing yourself a problem at work suggest to her that she needs help! Do you have a placeof work that could provide her with counselling?

Have you tried explaining to her that her showering people with texts etc to show that she cares is over the top and people find in intimidating? If so what was her reaction?

She sent cards flowers and balloons to her EX friend, she has asked MY friend for her address.

And yes I told her constant contact with someone even if it seems like a nice gesture such as flowers is intimidating, she just said 'I havent done anything wrong to her...'

Next time she asks, could you say that your friend has been saying how she really needs time on her own, doesn't want contact except with very close friends and family at the moment etc. Tell her also that she thanks her for the good wishes and will call her to thank her in person when she feels up to it.
Do you think that she will back off if she hears this?

She clearly has no boundaries and limited empathy. She sounds a bit of a horror. I'd tell her to respect your friends wishes and get some help and that you won't get involved any further in her relationships, oh yes and tell my manager...

She needs counselling I'd say. Have you got an HR dept who can help with this sort of thing?

Under no circumstances give out your friends address unless you want her to be an ex friend too.

I told her no sorry she cant have it.

I will have a word with my manager tommorow. I know this girl means no harm and her hearts in the right place but she just terrifies people with her constant unwanted gestures/attention. I have told her shes a nice girl but needs to back off a little.

She sounds very insecure and possibly depressed to me. I get a bit like this at times (although admittedly not as full on!) if I'm having a really low patch - its very easy to become paranoid and desperate to make everything "right" even if it wasn't "wrong" in the first place.

I wouldn't criticise her, or call her a fruitloop, but perhaps have a word sternly with her about how she is isolating herself by over compensating. Would also recommend a councillor - she needs someone to talk to. I would imagine that it is loneliness that's driving her to be so clingy.

Calling her a fruitloop won't stop her from behaving like a fruitloop. As has already been said, she seems to have a problem with understanding or appreciating the feelings of others. So maybe trying beter to understand hers would be a start...?

Thats a terrible situation redred, i agree you should have a word with your manager if he/she is understanding, especially if she has been asked to stop. she is bordering on stalking at the mo, and could end up in a lot of trouble. i also agree with what wukter said to say to her, and see her response then.

I would not follow the line suggested by wukter. Whilst a good approach with someone more balanced, I think your colleague would interpret it as an invitation to bombard some more. Yes, I know that is the opposite of the message, but the apparent extension of a friendly response -"will call her" - is what she would focus on, not the request for privacy.

Stick with what you have already done, telling her she needs to back off. Since she doesn't see it from the other side, maybe you need to be more explicit, really spell it out how her approach is perceived by those on the receiving end.

And when she responds 'I haven't done anything wrong to her...', forcefully rebut it. She is stalking. Lay it on thick, refer to a few cases from the news etc. Point out that it has already cost her friendships and pushes people away.

And maybe warn her to not even think of starting this nonsense targetting you.

Alos point out to her that if your friend does not like the attention then this girl IS doing something wrong.

I also don't agree with Wukter. This would only work with someone "normal". I'm not sure if work would get involved? Is this happening during working hours or outside of?
Personally, if she can't/won't take the hint my next approach would be to send any gifts back to her & keep doing so no matter how many she sends. And definitely keep ignoring the texts.

Actually, don't feel guilty, or that you have to tiptoe round this woman's feelings. She's a stalker and harsh treatment is the only option (as in, tell her to back off, if she doesn't back off report her to HR and then to the police if necessary).
Self-obsessed whiners like this play the 'poor ickle me I'm fwagile' card in order to harass other people, and there is no obligation on anyone to put up with it.

she sounds like a nightmare!

good that you didnt give her the address (I read you didnt) as that would be against the privacy thingy database wouldnt it?

You could use that excuse if you want.

Also, it sounds like she doesnt know about social boundaries.