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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to have a dress code?

49 replies

Mowgli1970 · 23/05/2010 11:06

I'm planning to have a birthday party at my house. It'll be an late afternoon/early evening event. I'd like it to be a bit special, so AIBU to write "Dress Code : Smart" on the invitation?

OP posts:

scottishmummy · 23/05/2010 21:12

wear what you want but dont dictate to others what they wear

ticktockclock · 23/05/2010 21:13

There is nothing wrong with a dress code for an occasion. Most people like to have a good opportunity to glam up a bit.

blueshoes · 23/05/2010 21:31

I think it more acceptable to specific smart dresscode if you are inviting people to a nice venue, but if it is your own home, then having to dress up sounds a bit dubious and affected.

But hey, maybe you live in a mansion, in which case I shall eat my words.

scottishmummy · 23/05/2010 21:35

do you plan a bouncer.no not tonight love if anyone turns up in wrong clobber

Pattertwig · 23/05/2010 21:42

nothing wrong with a dress code - but make sure your meat on the bbq doesn't spit on ya posh frock, won't you

ScreaminEagle · 23/05/2010 21:44

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

southeastastra · 23/05/2010 21:46

maybe put 'dress to impress' rather than be specific ie black tie

gomummygo · 23/05/2010 21:54

YANBU at all, I appreciate a dress code on an invite. Evening sounds lovely, have fun!

wildfig · 23/05/2010 22:02

YANBU to want people to dress up - that often enhances the whole party experience - but think the key is to disguise the dress code so it's tongue-in-cheek.

FOF had a great party a few years back - she wanted the men to make a bit of an effort but without feeling they'd been told to. So she made it into a James Bond party, served cocktails, dimmed the lights, got out the Dean Martin CDs, etc. All the men, bar none, turned up looking dapper in dinner jackets, feeling very pleased with themselves. The quality of flirtation was significantly improved too.

If you want men in suits and women in skyscraper heels, you could make it a Mad Men theme? Smoke lots, serve whisky and cop off with whoever you want because 'we're living in turbulent times, politically'?

Red carpet award party is genius.

MisSalLaneous · 23/05/2010 22:03

I'd say do a really posh / fancy invite, on good quality card with stylish font. Simple, clean.

That would make it clear it's not a t-shirt type of occasion.

usualsuspect · 23/05/2010 22:07

yabu ...are you Margo Leadbetter?

Original poster

Mowgli1970 · 24/05/2010 06:38

Thanks for the replies. at usualsuspect - that's my nickname I gave to myself! Love the James Bond and red carpet ideas, agree with all the "theme" ideas being a good way to be a little subtle (not my forte usually!)

OP posts:

Glitterandglue · 24/05/2010 06:54

I think the 'dress to impress' phrase is a good idea. It means people can take their own interpretations of what dressing up means, so nobody will have to feel too uncomfortable.

Personally I can't stand dressing up, either in a smart way or in a fancy dress way...I just don't feel comfortable. I can just about hack it at a wedding with black Dickies [which look smart enough if you just get ones with ordinary amounts of pockets, not tons], a checked shirt, jacket and walking boots. That's pretty much as smart as I get.

If my friend was having a party and specified that if I wasn't dressed smartly enough [or in a specific way] I wouldn't get in [or would be looked down upon] then I just wouldn't come. Simple. But then most of my friends are very casual people too, and any that do 'the smart thing' appreciate when I have made an effort, even if it wasn't what they would call smart.

Oh, but definitely don't put 'smart casual'...that phrase needs to die a horrible firey death. It's far too ambiguous. It's like putting 'Dress code: Yes, there is.'

gingernutlover · 24/05/2010 07:46

perhaps call it a cocktail party or late afternoon soiree and suggest the dress code on the invite like others have said

"Time to get your posh frocks out! Mowgli invites you to an early evening soiree"

or something better, I'm sure. And liek others said, print it on posh paper with posh looking script.

When I go to a party I like an idea of what to wear so I don't feel over/under dressed so wouldnt be at all put out by this.

cupcakesandbunting · 24/05/2010 11:02

Why would anyone be annoyed at a dress code? I love the opportunity to dress up, what with spending most of my life looking like a hobo. I love being asked to put a frock on.

Pozzled · 24/05/2010 11:44

Agree with those that suggest making it a little more subtle by using a theme- I was also going to suggest James Bond.

Personally I think it's a great idea, I have a few nice dresses that I literally haven't worn for years just because there's been no reason to.

I had an invite quite recently that said something like 'We're in the mood to celebrate so come as smart as you like'.
It sounded better than that, but it was a nice way of suggesting people dress up without forcing the issue.

eeyore2 · 24/05/2010 11:52

I think it is very helpful to be given a dress code for a party. Then I don't have to wonder what sort of occasion it is and risk turning up and feeling uncomfortable if I haven't understood right.
I don't think there's anything wrong with simply using the word 'smart' if that's what you'd like on the invitation. If it's a special party then it's nice to let other people know in advance, so they can look forward to it and get their nice clothes out for it.
For what it's worth I also don't think it is nice to bring your children to a wedding wearing football shirts.

GeekOfTheWeek · 24/05/2010 11:52

Bit odd to have a dress code for a house party imo.

A theme may be better.

vaunieathome · 26/05/2010 14:34

Not at all unreasonable. You are making a special effort and so your guests should repay the compliment by dressing up a bit IMHO. If you think your friends will think it sniffy then the "dress to impress" idea has a nice, fun tone to it and will not offend.

pagwatch · 26/05/2010 14:37

I am going to have a dress code at my funeral
there may only be a few mourners but they will weep with style.

My brother took his daughters to a wedding in leggings
Leggings are fucking vile at the best of times but a wedding

faerie07 · 26/05/2010 14:42

I specified Black Tie for my 40th, and it was a blast!!! I figured as I went to the effort of organising a formal party then I wanted everyone to be dressed formally. Soooooo much fun!

Oh and 80s theme music for the dancing later!!!!!!

BlingLoving · 26/05/2010 14:47

For pity's sake, why do you have to be subtle about a dress code. If you're having a party, of course you have the right to impose a dress code. And you don't have to make it tongue in cheek.

The only thing is that you could look a bit silly if you're having a bbq and have a clown to entertain the kids but you've asked everyone to dress smartly! But assuming you're having an adult-style party, anyone who thinks you're being a bit odd is strange.

Glitterandglue · 26/05/2010 19:46

BlingLoving, of course the OP has the RIGHT to impose a dress code. It's her party. It's just that if she chooses to use that right, or does it in a certain way, she may find that some people get annoyed with her or don't even turn up.

I personally would not go to a party where I was forced to adhere to a dress code. I do 'dress up' in as much as I feel comfortable for weddings and funerals, because that's about respect for someone else, and I'm not being asked to. But a party is an invitation, not an obligation [obviously weddings and funerals aren't obligations but you know what I mean, not in the same way] so if you push too hard on making it the way you want you mght find others not willing to join in. You are being kind hosting a party, they are being kind attending. It's a bit of give and take.

BritFish · 26/05/2010 19:52

are you doing this because you're actually having a wedding and you're tricking people into saying you're not being unreasonable whereas on a wedding thread if you dare dictate what your guests wear youd have your head ripped off?

make it mega posh, those parties are always fun, everyone all dressed up in heels and long dresses and getting drunk like teenagers

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