AWBU to want to move?

[HobbitMama]

DH and I need to sell our 3 bed maisonette some time within the next year, mainly in order to pay back my mum the deposit she 'invested' in the place in 2001.
Since I bought the place with my ex, when we split he wanted me to sell and give him half the profit. I said I couldn't do that as it would leave me and the kids with no stable home and so I coped with paying the mortgage on my own, with no maintenance. (He has seen the kids every other night since the split, hence wouldn't have to pay me much anyway.)
I had to remortgage, get a lodger, change my job to survive all this, but he still wanted 'paying off', so I ended up giving him £11,000, with the understanding that I would never give him another penny.
ANYWAY, on looking at the figures, what with the higher mortgage to pay off and my mum to pay back, we're not going to be able to get much afterwards in this area. The 2 DC's I had with the ex are both about to start new schools, but DH and I have a 14month old and now another on the way. We need a house, on the ground floor, preferably with a bit of a garden and a dining room for all the billions of musical instruments we have between us all.
But, here's the rub - in our town, we will probably be able to afford a small 3 bed house in a not-so-nice area. OR we can get a 6 bed house in a nice area of the town further along the coast, where the town itself is not quite so nice.
If we did this, then the kids would only be able to see their dad at weekends and holidays probably. (He doesn't drive - another big issue)
SO AIBU to want to move to where we can get a nicer, bigger house, and in so doing, move the kids from their nice schools to a dodgier town where I'm not so sure the schools are going to be good?
AIBU to reduce his contact from Tues/Thu/every other weekend to 2 weekends a month?
He's threatening going to court for full custody if we do this, but I just really don't know if IBU.

Your ex sounds like an idiot.

You have two dilemmas going, right?

Should you move to a dodgierish place?
Should you reduce access?

Well, it depends on how much you feel you need the space really. It sounds like to get the space you are after you would need to move to a not nice part of town anyway, so why not go the whole hog and move towns, so at least you have a nicer, bigger place? And you could be surprised by the quality of schools, not all dodgy places have dodgy schools.

For the second one though, you should do what you feel right about doing. I very seriously doubt your ex will get full custody, but its an expensive process, so you may want to hammer out an agreement with him. FWIW, he does sound like a prime twat though... can't believe he wanted 'paying off'.

yanbu can definitely understand needing more space
check ofsted online to see of the schools are really that bad though?
as for ex his current access seems a lot to me but dont really know about these things, doubt he would get full custody, he sounds unreasonable himself more bothered about his money than uprooting kids

If the kids enjoy contact with their dad I'd be reluctant to reduce that. I'd look into the schools thing to see if as bad as you think. If the dad chose to drive then could he still see them as often? Is there somewhere in the middle that he could still get to easily (but may have to learn to drive, his inability to drive isn't your problem) where you could get 4 bed house?
You make it sound as though there are only 2 choices, most areas allow for more permutations.

I don't think the ex is being unreasonable wanting his share of the money when the OP has moved on and remarried. Why should he have another man in (partly) his house?
When my ex and I split up the finances got sorted and split with the divorce.
If her ex had had residency of the kids and remarried would we think it reasonable for the mum to be denied her share of the house money, which she may need to allow her to buy somewhere big enough for the kids to stay when they visit?

In your situation, I would move. you NEED the space.

Cant offer any advice on the Ex though, sorry!

"can't believe he wanted 'paying off'. " I think the OP said he bought it with her (The ex) so it makes sense that she would buy him out and has probably worked in her favour as she won't have to split the equity now.

I would move to the six bedroom house unless you can find a 5 bedroom one which would suit you. Can any of the children share?

As far as custody goes it all depends on what kind of agreement you have, your ex would be in his rights to seek a proper court order RE contact if you are trying to reduce contact without discussion. How would the kids feel about seeing him less?

2r - From Late 2001-Early 2005 he was paying the interest on the interest-only mortgage. We had a £30 000 remortgage which paid for some refurbishment and a trip to another country to see if we wanted to live there, but the rest got blown on drink and drugs (Now you can start to see why we split?) I had to remortgage in 2005 to survive through to get a private operation to find out what was wrong with me, to skip the 18month waiting list so that the following September I could get a job (and a lodger) to pay the mortgage myself. That's why I 'only' gave him £11000.
He, on the other hand, blew the £11,000, has been living with his bf, also a single father, so only had half the outgoings, now is back with his parents, telling them he pays me £2/300 a month (in reality £0) and that I claim all the benefits under the sun (- we get child benefit).
DF - I've discussed it with both the kids and him - the kids were fine with it originally, but he's scared them into thinking the school's will be so bad that they've changed their mind. Of course they love him and want to see him, but he doesn't take them to after-school clubs, thinks they're a waste of time, and that it's far healthier for them to play with their cousins once a week.
Yes, we could probably get a 4 or 5 bed a bit nearer, but anywhere in between is going to have less amenities for the kids (and us) as they grow up, as it'll be more rural. My OH also has to commute - and looking at it from his point of view, he's now been paying off the mortgage longer than than the x, will be paying for both remortgages, the x's payment, and paying back my mother (potentially with interest) so I feel I ought to give him some say in the matter.
(Phew!)

Oh, and my DH would like to point out that we're talking about moving less than 20 miles away, to the next major town - not to the other end of the country, London, Cambridge, Cardiff, or any of the other places we'd rather move to! (He's reading over my shoulder and listens to me reading out the funny threads!)
(Oh and he can't get a job more locally as what he does is too specialised!)
Please help, although our RL friends have all said we're not BU, they're biased in our favour, and it would really help to know if we're being out of order or not!

Have you had a look a the schools in the other town, I'd go take a look around with your children if possible, so they can see for themselves that a new school would be fine.

I would not hesitate to move for my own convenience, you can make arrangmeents for contact in such a way that it's not greatly reduced ie that ex has the children over holidays etc, or arranging to handover the children at a half way point to make it easy for him etc.

I'd go for the bigger house providing the schools in the area were good.