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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to cancel weekend plans with friends etc so we can go away and enjoy the sunshine...?

92 replies

wonderingwondering · 20/05/2010 20:00

That's it really. Got a couple of birthday parties for children (we know the parents) and had invited some work colleagues over for dinner. But I'd really rather give my tent an airing while the sun is out!

Is it really bad to cancel and (as I'm going to cancel, just want to know how guilty I should feel) should I lie about the reason why (sick child? work commitments...?)? Or just be honest?

OP posts:

belgo · 20/05/2010 21:01

That's so sad muddelduck.

Very selfish to cancel friends just because you have found something better to do.

Maybe at some point in life you will learn the importance of friendship.

janeite · 20/05/2010 21:02

YABU and horrible and you seem to be ignoring everyone who has said that and have determined to go ahead and lie and flake on your friends anyway. Nice.

Lilyloo · 20/05/2010 21:03

Should have posted in camping
Summer could well be this weekend for a tent !!

mangoandlime · 20/05/2010 21:03

If you go let this thread ring in your ears!

Pavlov · 20/05/2010 21:07

Can you not invite your friends to come camping with you? Maybe they are thinking the same thing?

We have done that in the past. 'hey friend, you know you were coming to visit us, its going to be a scorcher, fancy a bit of surf in cornwall, we quite fancy going camping? You do? great' 'you don't fancy it, you were looking forward to a relaxing evening over a glass of wine and no kids for a change? thats perfect too'. We have had some great impromptu camps with our friends like this. And sometimes, we don't go, we carry on with our plans.

IMoveTheStars · 20/05/2010 21:08

you sound like you're going to go. If you do, at least be honest. People can always tell when flaky mates let them down, believe me.

echt · 20/05/2010 21:13

if you have the nerve to let down people who have committed time, and the in the case of the children's party, money on your behalf, have the balls to tell them exactly why, then they'll have the measure of you.

AnyFucker · 20/05/2010 21:16

tell you what, just don't even bother informing your friends

let them turn up to an empty house/set a place out at the party that remains empty

then you won't even have to go to the bovver of thinking of an excuse

nickytwotimes · 20/05/2010 21:19

What a rotten thing to do. I'd be very hurt if you were my pal.

Agree with those who suggest a BBQ or similar instead. They probably want to enjoy the warm weather too.

tattycoram · 20/05/2010 21:22

I think Sassybeast has it spot on, you may think that people don't mind/notice this sort of thing but you can betcha bottom dollar that they think you're flakes.

If you did this to us and we had turned down other plans or booked a babysitter, I might stay friends with you but I would think a lot less of you.

FiveGoMadInDorset · 20/05/2010 21:22

I would be so pissed off if I was let down like this with regards childrens parties and dinner. Your childrens absence will have been noticed, party bags will have been bought. Do your woek colleagues have children? Have they had to turn down another invite? Have they had to arrange childcare?

But what the hell you are going to do itg anyway aren't you?

Original poster

wonderingwondering · 20/05/2010 21:22

OK. Enough abuse!

I have exaggerated a bit to encourage discussion - I was thinking about shifting some arrangements a bit so we can fit in a camping trip. It did occur to me to cancel the kids' parties and pop in separately over the weekend to drop pressies etc (we're family friends and they have all the school friends going, so they are not depending on us for numbers). And I would not mind at all if someone did that to me. The work colleagues are pretty flexible as to meeting times, so we'll prob go for Sun eve.

But I did wonder what people thought of cancelling/prioritising a weekend away over a child's party, or other arrangements, and so how my attempts to fit things around my camping trip might be received.

Sorry to all those who have been so admiring of my rhino hind, I was just looking for views. But I think I've had enough of the assumptions about my character more generally, so I'll go off and watch HIGNFY now .

OP posts:

clam · 20/05/2010 21:24

Wish I had a friend like you.
Blows me out on a dinner date I'd been looking forward, then lies to me about it.

Hope the camping's worth it.

AnyFucker · 20/05/2010 21:34

ah, I get it, WW

you have exaggerated fibbed to get a response

is it the response you were expecting ?

pigletmania · 20/05/2010 21:36

YABVU, its very bad manners and rude, I am you even considered this tbh

Portofino · 20/05/2010 21:41

We're planning a little bash this weekend for our wedding anniversary. I have spend loads on food and drink based on the numbers of people who have accepted. I would be gutted if people dropped out because they decided they had something they would rather do at the last moment. Emergencies fair enough....

extension · 20/05/2010 21:45

I would say go for it, if you are working and dont always have weekends free then to have one with great weather for camping is one that you cant pass on.

You know your friends and you know how they would feel if you cancelled. Personally, I agree that family time comes first and if you were my friend I would be disappointed that you'd cancelled but I wouldnt blame you for doing it.

Make the most of your weekend off and enjoy the camping trip.

clam · 20/05/2010 21:48

"family time comes first."
Don't see why it's a contest. Aren't you also going to be with the family if you stay at home, fire up the BBQ, drop by a couple of parties and have some mates over too? All in glorious weather?
Sounds a nice weekend to me.

2plus2more · 20/05/2010 21:48

hope it rains

larks35 · 20/05/2010 21:52

Only read your OP and the first few responses and I have to say YANBU to cancel all for a family retreat in a tent. Do it, don't feel guilty, just feel sorry for all the others that either didn't think of it or felt too obliged.

extension · 20/05/2010 21:54

clam, its not a contest, but camping is probably something the family love to do and dont always have the opportunity due to weather or work committments. Some opportunities are just to good to pass on.

Blu · 20/05/2010 21:55

Suppose, based on the advice on this thread, the OP stays at home, cooks, lays the table...and then none of her guests turn up because they have all F**d off camping!

It could yet happen!

ooosabeauta · 20/05/2010 21:56

I've got a friend (of 15 years) who always does this, and it's got beyond irritating and into 'saddening'. The most annoying thing is that she always initiates the meet-up (I don't bother anymore because of her cancellation statistics), and then, probably 60-75% of the time she cancels on the morning before we're due to meet, for flaky reasons. She doesn't have children, so doesn't realise that (for me at least) there's quite a lot of consideration put into weekend scheduling.

I know this is not exactly the same as your situation, and if it makes you feel better after the flak you've had here, you've given me an opportunity to vent something which has wound me up recently. Thanks

larks35 · 20/05/2010 21:59

Blimey just read this 3rd page and bless you, you've had a pasting! I have to say that if you and your DC's cancelled on me to go and have a tented weekend, it really wouldn't bother me at all. I can only think that the many posters who've given you this pasting are gonna go to pre-arranged meetings/parties/dinners just wishing they were camping in the heatwave! Have a blooming good time OP

LadyBiscuit · 20/05/2010 22:03

If I held a kids' party, it would be my mates that I would want to see, not all the other random classmates. I would be gutted if my mates didn't turn up. Glass of wine in the sunshine with your friends followed by lovely evening chatting outside with a barbie. Sounds blissful.

You say you've got commitments every weekend next month - don't you have commitments this weekend too or are these lower grade commitments?

I have some very old friends a bit like you. We call them The Flaky as Fuck M*s. They don't get invited to small gathering that are more fun because they prioritise other stuff over their mates. Maybe that's what your friends call you

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