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Original poster

to be crying my eyes out in front of my children

59 replies

TheFatOwlOfTheRemove · 20/05/2010 18:11

I just found out today that I will have to look for a new job from September

This is the only job I have ever had which meant anything (everything, in fact) to me and I have worked my arse off, started as a volunteer sweeping floors etc and worked my way up to doing inclusion work 1-2-1 with children with SN

I have put far more into the job than is actually required and everyone has always said how well I do it and how dedicated I am

there were two of us doing the same job with different children and we had both been wondering what would happen when the children we work with move on to school

today I asked the other worker what her plans were and she smiled and said "Oh I'm OK, they've asked me to work with X" - X is the remaining child with needs for a 1-2-1 worker in the nusery after September

nobody was going to bother to tell me

I have done far more work with this child than she has, and I have put so much more into the job. I don't mean to be bitchy but it's just true - I have put more into it. I liaise with prtage and Ed Psych, I have attended meetings out of centre for transitions and assessments, I keep a detailed diary of the child's progress and language development etc, I take photos, I write up observations and give them to the child's key teacher

the other worker does NONE of these things

but her dh is the centre's handyman and they have all known each other for years

I feel heartbroken, hurt and frankly just can't stop crying

the children haven't noticed luckily, but if they do I won't be able to just say I'm fine, because I'm not

and dh is out all evening

OP posts:
AhLaVache · 20/05/2010 18:38

It stings right now but you wont go back to how it was before. You cant because you are not that person any more.
A crappy decision by someone else does not change that.
Right now it feels terrible but you WILL feel beter, you really will,

LynetteScavo · 20/05/2010 18:41

I totally disagree, that you should only put into your job what you are paid for.

You have already made such a difference to a child's and their families life...they will remember you forever, won't they.

I can understand you being so upset, hurt and angry. I would be too.

Have a good cry, let it out, and then have a good look at where you can go from here. Where else could you work? Presumably jobs will be coming up at this time of year? This hiccup could actually lead to bigger and better things in the future.

LadyInMauve · 20/05/2010 18:43

I's so sorry that you have been treated this way, but you must NOT allow your employer to dictate you own sense of self worth!

They are running a business, they do not look on this as being personal, it is merely a financial decision for them. They are NOT the only employers in the world.

Please, please, please do not allow this to pull you down. YOU have turned your life around, not your employer. And YOU will find another equally rewarding job because of the person you are and the great things you have achieved in your job.

LynetteScavo · 20/05/2010 18:43

I meant if people only put in what they got paid for, the world would be a worse place.

(Thank you to my bin men, for putting my bin back tidily, and not just leaving it in the middle of the pavement.)

Goblinchild · 20/05/2010 18:44

It's always disappointed and annoyed me that even schools that are wonderful with the children's needs are rubbish with their own staff. Communication, appreciation and the like.
It is horrible, happens often and is no reflection at all on you FatOwl. It was what was expedient, done without any thought as to your feelings, or telling you how fantastic your contribution to the school and to that child's chances have been. Usually the support we get is from colleagues who are our peers, not SMT.
Don't hide, or feel personally rejected. The machine that is school admin didn't even see you get squashed. Give yourself a day or so, try and get cross instead of despairing and pick yourself up in any way you can.
last year, I lived on B&J for a month.

Lonnie · 20/05/2010 18:44

OP

You may not want to take them on legally and I do understand that however if you have employments right due to the lenght you have been there then they have to give you some notice, Additionally it was extremly unprofessional of them to leave it to your coworker to have to tell you and you deserve a proper explanation. There for as you dont feel you can cope with facing the head straight on I would write a letter and ask for an evaluation of you work wheer you need to improve what you have done well. This shoudl give you some idea.

I am sorry that you feel so let down sadly things like this happens and its so unfair I hope however it is a case of one door closes and a window opens for you and something better is on the way .

pageturner · 20/05/2010 18:46

Oh Greeny, I'm so sorry!

(But don't throw yourself off a bridge: the brother of one of ds1's friends threw himself off a bridge over the A38 yesterday and has broken both legs and pelvis! Come and have coffee with me and fennel instead, tomorrow at 2!)

LoveMyGirls · 20/05/2010 18:49

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

2shoes · 20/05/2010 18:56

so sorry your having such a shit time

OldMacEIEIO · 20/05/2010 18:59

I think you should be proud of what you have achieved. You know now something that you didnt before, that if you get another chance somewhere else, you will walk it.
because you are shit-hot

and thats the highest compliment oldmac ever paid to anyone

strawberrycornetto · 20/05/2010 19:08

I'm really sorry. I don't know your background at all, but it seems to me reading your message that someone who obviously loves working with children as much as you and is obviously good at their job, will definitely get another job. There really should be more people like you working with children. Nepotism stinks, but try to take heart that it wasn't anything you did or didn't do, just the fact that the person knew the right people.

If I was the parent, I would be really upset that my child wasn't getting the best carer for an inappropriate reason.

TheFallenMadonna · 20/05/2010 19:25

Hey greeny - that is completely crap, and I'm very sorry hear it.

Have you ever considered working with secondary age children? We are always in need of good TAs, and they are much harder to find in secondary than in primary.

It's very different I would imagine to working with small children, but equally as rewarding. And the children are equally in need of good support. Even more so really as secondary can be a tough place.

Take care.

DameGladys · 20/05/2010 19:39

Nobody on MN thinks you're an asshole.

Or a cuntbubble.

Original poster
TheFatOwlOfTheRemove · 20/05/2010 19:47

thanks

just feel like I have exposed myself by caring about this job/believing I had dug myself out of the black pit

and once again life sticks two fingers up in my face

OP posts:
MojoLost · 20/05/2010 20:01

You should feel very proud of yourself for helping this child so much, just keep that in mind, you made a big difference and that is what matters.

You are feeling upset because you don't feel your brilliant contribution is being valued. Trust me, at one point or another, most people who work feel that way, in all areas of work.

You know the reason this job is going to the other person is because of her husband, it is not a reflection on you.

Chin up, go to work and tell them why have you not been considered after all this work you have done. Good luck

Original poster
TheFatOwlOfTheRemove · 20/05/2010 20:04

thanks for all the lovely comments

I really needed someone to be nice to me

I worked with another child for over a year before being offered the chance to work with the one I currently work with - who is leaving in September

they could have offered the remaining child to either of us

they chose her

it makes NO sense, I am not being big-headed but I have put so much into it, and she just hasn't

it's just yet another "fuck off GS, we don't want your sort"

so WHY BOTHER

OP posts:
OrmRenewed · 20/05/2010 20:04

Sorry to hear this.

GoldenSnitch · 20/05/2010 20:06

Sorry to hear you're having a tough time Greeny

Original poster
TheFatOwlOfTheRemove · 20/05/2010 20:06

and nobody even bothered to tell me, I was just meant to guess I suppose

humiliating and hurtful, and they expect me to smile and just...leave

OP posts:
OldMacEIEIO · 20/05/2010 20:09

why bother ?
because you are shit-hot

and when the going gets tough - the tough gets going

pinkfizzle · 20/05/2010 20:17

You should not have heard about this from a co-worker.

You could ask them what the reasons were?

You may be entitled to a redundancy payment or some sort of notice.

thatsnotmymonkey · 20/05/2010 20:17

is it a qualification thing, is she more formally and not necessarily better qualified than you?

You should talk to your LA, HR department as they will advise you on your rights.

This is total bullshit, are you part of a union?

Poppet45 · 20/05/2010 20:19

Oh Greeny

I'm so sorry the shit fairy has dumped a whole wheelbarrow full on you. There's not a bit of what you said in your first post that's fair, reasonable or what you deserve so I can understand why you feel physically in pain with it all. You're not being silly it's an entirely rational reaction.

Do not let those stupid bureaucratic nepots (?!) win by letting this batter you down. You are worth so much more than that. Really hoping some good news comes your way soon, it's definitely your turn.

cyteen · 20/05/2010 20:27

First of all Greeny, it's obvious that what makes you great at this job is your absolute passion and sense of what is right (the same thing that drives your excellent comebacks on here, I should imagine ). The job you have done and the way you have been treated are two entirely separate things: the latter is a stupid, shitty admin process, the former is a matter of skill, patience and dedication that is entirely your own. Don't let your employers' crass incompetence detract from what YOU have achieved and what you've contributed to the children's lives.

I've no doubt you will feel shite tonight - you've every right to. Roll around in some misery and feel justly hard done by. But tomorrow, you can get up knowing that you have skills and experience that are valued and necessary, and that another employer will recognise this.

I would also recommend investigating further as to why they haven't let you know and what your rights are, but not if it's going to drag you down. Rise above the shite, love, and know that you are worth more.

Francagoestohollywood · 20/05/2010 20:37

Oh this sucks greeny.
I know you are totally brilliant with the those children (and children in general!)