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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be annoyed with sister telling me how much money she has?!

29 replies

mamasunshine · 20/05/2010 11:04

Ok just need a rant. My sister is 7 years younger (21). She has phoned me 3 times in as many weeks to share her her news on the fact that our parents have deposited nearly 7,000 pounds into her bank account. A good 2-3000 is for her deposit on a rented flat. She said she's asked mum what the money's for, and mum's just replied oh just treat yourself...get a new hair cut, hand bag etc

I don't know why she feels the need to tell me I'm sure she knows we just manage to struggle on by with 2 young dc. My parents have never been the "fair" parents you sometimes get who don't give one without the other. But it has still suprised me as it's such a large amount of money. Doesn't help the fact that I've had a couple of big bills today and now we've got to seriously scrape by on minimal food for the next 2 weeks.

Sorry I'm just really and a lot What it would be like to be 21, not work, live a life of riley doing exactly as you wish and have loads of dosh...rant over

OP posts:
Firawla · 20/05/2010 11:07

yanbu! i would be annoyed with your parents too as this seems so unfair, if she is desperate and needs deposit money is one thing but 5k extra to treat herself?!? not really on... or atleast they should ask her to keep it quiet not rub your face in it. how strange

pjmama · 20/05/2010 11:09

She's young, a bit insensitive and excited at being given a large wad of cash. I'd be more cheesed of with your parents though for such blatant favouritism. Have you asked them why they've done this?

diddl · 20/05/2010 11:10

That´s awful-especially if she´s not going to use it towards a deposit.

I´m a control freak I guess as I wouldn´t trust a 21yr old to use it for the intended purpose.

I think it´s disgusting that they didn´t give you 3,000 each tbh.

Original poster
mamasunshine · 20/05/2010 11:19

I haven't said anything to parents as i didn't want to embarress/upset them! I was fine about it as it's totally the sort of thing I would expect from my parents. But having told dh last night he was a bit , which made me think about it. Mix that with early pg hormones and now I'm this am! I think my parents would be a bit pissed off with me if I said anything to them. I was a wild teenager and left home when I was 15, calmed down once I hit 21. It's obviously still my "punishment"!

Where sister has worked hard at school, has a great talent. So deserves it. Although having spent the last year living off my parents, she is now taking a year out and is going to continue having a large weekly allowance for EVERYTHING one needs to be comfortable! As well as all other expenses e.g rent paid for

OP posts:
SexyDomesticatedDad · 20/05/2010 11:44

Does she / your parents realise this is taxable income - the limits per year are around £3k for a parentto give a gift...

IsItMeOr · 20/05/2010 11:47

SexyDDad - I think that's only an issue if the parents die within 7 years of the gift though.

IsItMeOr · 20/05/2010 11:49

OP - that does sound desperately unfair. It does sound though as if you are right that they are treating you differently because they feel you left home at 15 and didn't need them then, therefore maybe why should they look after you now?

Original poster
mamasunshine · 20/05/2010 11:51

I didn't know that SexyD? I'm not sure if they will? Hmmmm

OP posts:
warthog · 20/05/2010 11:51

your parents are fuckwits. no apologies either i'm afraid.

i think you should just say to your dsis, 'hey, we're really struggling at the mo and i'm all up and down with this pg. i'm really happy that parents are helping you out so much, but they're doing fuck all for me, so would you mind keeping it to yourself?'

i bet you she has no clue and would be aghast.

don't say anything to your moronic parents.

warthog · 20/05/2010 11:54

it is only if they die in 7 years - inheritance tax. otherwise gifts between parents / children are tax free.

SexyDomesticatedDad · 20/05/2010 11:56

no - go check the inland revenue web site - there are limits set!

warthog · 20/05/2010 11:58

not convinced

Original poster
mamasunshine · 20/05/2010 12:02

Thanks for the replies. Warthog - that's exactly what I'm going to say next time she mentions it. And I just need to take some deep breaths and try and forget about it...until the next time.

I just hope when she has children one day the same behaviour won't be forwarded to the grandchildren's treatment.

My dh wants us to emmigrate to Australia (long thought, not just because of this ), now I'm thinking LETS GO...before in 2/4/7 years time it all gets a bit messy!

OP posts:
OldMacEIEIO · 20/05/2010 12:04

isitme
you are thinking of inheritance tax, and what has to be declared on the IHT205 form.
The estate can be liable for gifts of 3k in a year for 7 years prior to death

birthday and festive and marital are not counted

ImSoNotTelling · 20/05/2010 12:04

What warthog said.

Explain gently to your sis that you'd rather not hear all about it, although obviously it is nice for her.

I am at your parents TBH, I have got even-handed ones and I just don't understand why people do otehr things. There's not better way of driving wedges between sibings, alienating people and breddeing resentment. Why on earth do parents do it.

SexyDomesticatedDad · 20/05/2010 12:05

www.hmrc.gov.uk/inheritancetax/pass-money-property/exempt-gifts.htm#3

Annual exemption

You can give away gifts worth up to £3,000 in each tax year and these gifts will be exempt from Inheritance Tax when you die. You can carry forward any unused part of the £3,000 exemption to the following year, but if you don?t use it in that year, the carried-over exemption expires.

The annual exemption is in addition to the other gift exemptions.

There is more on the website. I'm checking it out as want top help DS1 with payments at Uni and trying to see if they are taxable. No help for us so have to pay to top up the loan - then find out it could be taxable!!

warthog · 20/05/2010 12:06

still not convinced:

look under exempt gifts:

Regular gifts or payments that are part of your normal expenditure
Any regular gifts you make out of your after-tax income, not including your capital, are exempt from Inheritance Tax. These gifts will only qualify if you have enough income left after making them to maintain your normal lifestyle.
These include:
monthly or other regular payments to someone
regular gifts for Christmas and birthdays, or wedding/civil partnership anniversaries
regular premiums on a life insurance policy - for you or someone else
You can also make exempt maintenance payments to:
your husband, wife or civil partner
your ex-spouse or former civil partner
relatives who are dependent on you because of old age or infirmity
your children, including adopted children and step-children, who are under 18 or in full-time education

warthog · 20/05/2010 12:07

Any regular gifts you make out of your after-tax income, not including your capital, are exempt from Inheritance Tax. These gifts will only qualify if you have enough income left after making them to maintain your normal lifestyle.

i'm sure they could get get off paying tax because of that clause.

ImSoNotTelling · 20/05/2010 12:08

you are both right

there is a £3000pa limit

but the 7 year rule trumps that

I have to say I thought this was the case as I know people who are deliberately giving money away as they (hope) they have more than 7 years to go.

SexyDomesticatedDad · 20/05/2010 12:09

well I'm not a tax epert but my PIL have been pretty good at checking this stuff out and I know they give my DW a gift which is below this limit and also all her siblings get the same.

From what was described it seems to be liable for tax..

ImSoNotTelling · 20/05/2010 12:10

"The seven-year rule - 'potentially exempt transfers'

Any gifts you make to individuals will be exempt from Inheritance Tax as long as you live for seven years after making the gift. These sorts of gifts are known as 'potentially exempt transfers'."

gillybean2 · 20/05/2010 12:11

Maybe shes assuming you've had the same. Or really is clueless to how insensitive she is being.

I'd say pretty much what was suggested above by warthog

ImSoNotTelling · 20/05/2010 12:12

Maybe your PIL are concerned about the 7 year thing

For your son at Uni I would say you can catch it through exampt gifts - your children, including adopted children and step-children, who are under 18 or in full-time education

cupcakesandbunting · 20/05/2010 12:13

YANBU I have a similar little brother who has mummy running round after him financially and otherwise but I am not going into it as I am already stressed enough from the racist Facebook group/sweets on floor indigo child threads. I can feel my blood pressure rocketing

Aussieng · 20/05/2010 12:20

Inheritance tax - first £300k or so is taxable at 0% anyway plus (as others have said) lifetime gifts are not an issue if you don't die within 7 years as this then falls out of the IHT computation (and there is a sliding scale of charge if you die after 3 years of making the gift).

YANBU OP but I can't see what you do about it apart from just try to not let it get to you. Liked Warthogs suggestion as to what you could say to Dsis about not rubbing it in though.