to not want a quickie..

[Irishchic]

At 7am today when my husband has pretty muuch ignored me (sexually) for the last 3 weeks and then wakes up with a hard on and I just happen to be beside him.

This is an ongoing issue for us. He complains that I never initiate sex, yet NEVER comes to bed with me, preferring to stay up till 1am watching sport or whatever happens to be on the tv. I have told him time and time again over the years that if he were in bed at the same time as me from time to time, then I would find it easier to get in the mood.

I am not against quickies per se, but he was away on a lads holiday for 4 nights, came home from that, I suggested we go out to dinner, (and usually as a date night that would mean sex) but he said he wanted to watch the footie when we got home. So I let it go. Then all last week I worked night and day helping him with a business issue, he was really grateful, but still never went near me, and then finally, he wakes up with a hard on, and oh look, I just rememebered I have a wife!!

And to all those who say why dont I just jump him or tell him what I want, well the thing is, I dont want sex anyway when I am being taken for granted like this, and he knows damn well becuase I have told him a zillion times that I need some intimacy, verbal connection whatever you want to call it before I can get turned on. So, at the end of a long day at home with kids, and having finally hung up the marigolds, I am not gonna suddenly feel like jumping on my husband, but if he came up to bed at the same time and maybe gave me a hug or some bloody sign of affection then I am sure I would get in the mood pretty quick.

So I am fed up. And would welcome any views, flaming, whatever...

If you are expecting the full movie scene romance bfore every session then YABU, I think a quickie is a sexual need. They can be incredibly satisfying.

But YANBU to expect that most of the time sex will involve effort on his part to get you in the mood.

My ex was like this, stayed downstairs watching TV until 1am then came to bed wanting sex when Id been asleep for 2 hours. Or we'd both stay up but he'd be stairing blankly at the TV fondling his balls for 4 hours then came over and expected me to be in the mood... Ok I'll stop now because my skin is crawling.

Its childish, selfish, lazy and completely U!

It can't always have been like this if you gave 5 children so has something changed recently?

You say you can get him away from the tv, seriously if you came downstairs in your sluttest nicest undies and sat on his lap you really think he'd tell you to go away?

I suspect lots of men are like this.

men can go from 0 to 60 in 1 second flat.

Women need at least, oooooo, a few minutes?

Men get lazy if theý´ve been with you for a long time, and make the minimum effort, if they can get away with it.

My DH used to give me a massage, or just a hug (with no immediate sexual intent)or even take me out for dinner sometimes. Or just a bit of eye contact, FFS

Now he just takes a pause whilst brushing his teeth and asks, mouth full of foam: Fancy a quicky?

No idea how we got there

Chandon that is funny, your life mirrors mine!

LoveBeing..actually it has been like this for several years now, yes we had the kids, we have been having sex, just very unfulfilling sex and only when he seems to feel like it, with no effort on his part to make me feel special.

I really dont expect (and would hate) some Hollywood cheesy style romance to precede every sexual encounter, but you know, the odd hug, eye contact, being brought a cup of tea, telling me I'm lovely or something, just making me feel like I am special to him would crank up my desire no end.

Right now, I feel like he doesnt see or notice me sexually, unless he happens to be in the mood, which by the way is mainly first thing in the morning cos he has woken up with an erection, or, when he has been out with me and we have had a bit to drink, then he gets very frisky.

But on a normal weekday night or weekend night if we are staying in, well then the footie is far more compelling.

And yes, I could saunter downstairs in my sexy undies, but I couldnt be effing bothered to make that effort for someone who treats me like a domestic with extras!

ENm I will take that advice on board and try it out.

Foureleven you got it in one!

If you can't be bothered to make the effort and neither is he, you're either going to be like this forever or split up.

The point is Lovebeing I have been bothering to make the effort up to now, and I realise that i am the only one that has actually been making any effort. So I am going to try and explain to my dh (yet again) what I need, only this time, if he doesnt bother to even try and meet me halfway, then I am not going to have duty sex just to keep him happy.

Have you considered writing this down in a letter or an email and giving it to him. If it's wrote down then maybe he'd read it more than once and it would eventually sink in.

YANBU btw

Alternatively sellotape it to the tv when MOTD is on, he can't miss it that way

Angelcat I hadnt considered doing that until now, and I actually think that could be quite effective, esp if taped over MOTD!

You have killed it for him. He rather get it elsewhere or by his own hand than beg you !!! Congrats Every Man on EARTH.

zombie thread

@Youblewitlady what are you trying to achieve by resurrecting a 14 year old thread?