To think that bunny boiler is a very sexist term?

[poshsinglemum]

It is based on the women in the film Fatal attraction. In the film a married man has a fling with another woman. She falls in love with him but he won't leave his wife so she gets obsessed and boils his daughter's bunny.

I am not saying that obsession is good or indeed boiling bunnies but I can't help feeling; man treats two women badly and gets away with it as the spurned women gets the derogatory label as bunny boiler. It also advocates treating women like shit and perpetuates the belief that emotion=dangerous and bad, divorce from emotion= good.

It is also used flippantly.

E.g:

Me: I really miss my ex but I am very angry about the way he treated me.

Other: don't bv esuch a bunny boiler- move on!

The above is just an example.

I think it's pretty sexist in that it only applies to women even though men are equally as likely to be obsessed stalkers... More like IMO.

That film is appalling... I don't know if this is an urban myth but I remember being told that the original ending either had her killing herself or the Michael Douglas character killing her but the producers decided that might garner some sympathy so the wronged wife ended up pulling the trigger.

Bloody awful, shit 1980s film - in case there was any danger of me sitting on the fence!

YANBU.

I remember being furious when I found out an ex was cheating on me. I was angry and I shouted at him, naturally.

The following week at work (he was a colleague) I heard he was spreading rumours that I was a bunny boiler.

Ironically, over time it turned out that he was a pathological liar and he left work (by going on holiday and never returning) before all the shit hit the fan when all the lies he told were starting to be discovered. One of them was that he had a fatal heart condition. Hmmmm.

Oh God I'm so with you on this one.

I remember when the film came out, i was being messed about by a bloke and as a direct result of that film, I wasn't as assertive as I would instinctively had been - it told me in very clear terms, that any demands made of a man who shagged you, was totally unacceptable and meant that you were an unreasonable bitch.

What's the male equivalent of a bunny boiler? I've always wondered that

And yes, it is a direct inversion of reality. Men are much more likely to stalk and actually murder women who have rejected them, than vice versa. Two men a week in this country are not being murdered by their current or ex-partners.

Val - I suppose stalker might cover it, but stalkers can be either male or female.

Agree with you. A lot is said about being dignified etc on here. I can only do that after losing the plot

I think I agree. I've noticed that it is usually women who are referred to as 'psychos' (as in 'my ex, she was a psycho').

fatal attraction was a pretty shit film as well

The problem is that the term is often used to describe aany women who has any kind of emotion towards a man whilst applauding mne who completely disregard female emotion. I know it is sexist to claim that women are more emotional but I guess that men are told to suppress their emotions. I gues sit all comes from the myth that emotions= bad and scary.

I would use it for a male or female, so I originally thought YABU.

But after reading other threads I see your point about a woman being labelled with this term after showing the slightest annoyance with a man.

I declare YANBU!

Joan Smith wrote a great piece about Fatal Attraction in 'Misogynies'. I don't agree with everything in the book (wouldn't expect to) but that piece tore the film to shreds very effectively.

Stalker, yes HB.

But Bunny Boiler just leans that bit too much towards misoginy for my liking...

I think YABU. The woman in that film WAS a psycho in the way she behaved. The man might have behaved like a shit but that didnt justify what she went on to do. I never came away from that film thinking I couldnt make any demands from a guy I was sleeping with because asserting yourself and resorting to boiling bunnies are universes apart.

Jeez, it was a film fgs, meant to entertain and divert, not meant to be a commentary on women.

Yes, but the term is now applied to all women who exhibit any emotion re a relationship. I completely agree with you OP.

Yes but the character's behaviour is now applied to any woman who might exibit any kind of behaviour that doesn't fit within the 'feminime' mode ie lying back and letting someone walk all over you.

So you responded? Oh, you Bunny BOiler you....

[In the view of the above replies, bunnies should be tres' careful around here...]

The concept is sexist let alone the term