AIBU for thinking my neighbour IBU?

[Olifin]

His daughter (5) turns up on our doorstep after school every day to play with DD. They are the best of friends. Today she turned up and said: 'My Dad said I can come and play here'.

Hmmmmmm. Can't help thinking it would be nice if he were to accompany her here and actually ask if it's ok, but he never does. Nor does he actually come and collect her; she always stays until I take her home or until her mum comes back from work.

He works at home and is supposed to simultaneously supervise her. He just lets her ride her bike around the close unsupervised (it is a secluded and quiet close, to be fair) and obviously doesn't check on her as she came round the other day and had been here for about 45 mins when I asked 'does your dad know you're here?'- he didn't apparently.

Pisses me off. It's challenging enough looking after my two (mothering doesn't come particularly naturally to me) without an extra one to look after. She's quite demanding and asks for food constantly; asks me to wipe her bum when she's had a poo (!)

RAAAAAAAH! Is it just me?

Sounds like he has found himself an unpaid babysitter without even trying.

could you have a word with the mum, do you think she would understand?

time to put your foot down , he is taking advantage tbh & unless you accidentally drop it into conversation the next time you are talking to his wife he will continue to use you as his dd's unpaid babysitter .

I'm pretty friendly with the mum and she is very reasonable, when she's around.

You are right ladies; time to put foot down. OH says the same...but I am crap at instigating that kind of conversation; it makes me cringe.

I just need to grow a pair, don't I?!

yes. He is taking advantage

Yup lol you do need to grow a pair. when you see her take a deep breath and tell her what you told us

maybe you could just start by saying " oh dd does be very tired when she gets in from school , sorry if she is not in great form when x calls in eachday but maybe we could organise for them both to do something nice at the weekends like a picnic or something " that way its a gentle hint that her dh is pawning their dd off onto you

Can you also not just turn the child away with a polite and cheery "sorry, it's not convenient for you to come in today. Bye".

I can table, and have done that on occasion, especially when I know I'm likely to have a short temper. Then, of course, I get it in the ear from DD who wants to play with her. But I'm sure I can cope with that by explaining to DD that I'm tired/got things to do etc.

Good suggestion elmofan, thanks.

Good to get others' perspectives on this. I know I'm not the world's most chilled-out person and can get irritated by fairly minor things so wondered if it was just me being too clenched again!

See, it's nice, in a way ...... It's the way that we used to play in our street when I was a child. Lots of children playing out, different ages, going to each others houses, all playing together in a big group, or "over the fields" < goes misty-eyed >

But I'm pretty sure, that at 5, my mum would have known where we were going. And I would normally have been with my older brother . And it, generally speaking, isn't like that now, which leads me to suspect he's being a bit lazy

... and the bum-wiping thing. No.

He is taking the piss. Put your foot down post haste.

Send the two of them (your dd and her) back to her house to play with her toys for a change.

Next time she does a poo at your house go round to the dad and tell him he has to come and wipe her arse because you are NOT doing it again.

You could always take your DD round to their house and say "I've brought DD round to yours for a change" Then say nothing more with a big breezy brass neck smile on your face.

Might make him realise you're annoyed by always having to look after his daughter.

Defo you should say something and nip this in the bud, YANBU. It's not fair that he has the expectation that you are going to look after his daughter.

I have had exactly the same situation, and without being sexist it always seems to be the dads that are quick to assume you will love being their unpaid babysitter. Mums seems to be a bit more sensitive - my next door neighbour used to ring and check if it was a good time for her DC to pop round. The dad would just leave them on my doorstep.

I would start going out straight after school so you break the habit of her always coming round. Or start sending your DD round there first. If she starts whining for food, say "I'm sure your dad's made you something lovely for tea" and send her home. And tell her to let you know if she needs a poo, so you can send her home for that too.

He is taking the piss.

Let us know when you speak to the mum

We live on a street with loads of kids the same ages, so for years were in and out of each other's houses.

If a child turns up on doorstep saying "Dad says I can play in your house" it could be that child asks parent "can I play in x's house", and Dad just says yes. Not meaning to be cheeky really. Just not realising that child is basically inviting herself.

If a child is hungry you say, "oh I don't want to spoil your dinner, you'd better see if your Dad has it ready", and gently shove them out the door.

And I wouldn't wipe a bum unless it was my own child's. No way. Send them home to use toilet if necessary.

So... any news? Have you had a chance to speak with the mum?