I want to see the opinions of others in this situation.
The basic question is should DH pay his ex a living wage for the country she's in, or the % of his salary she would be entitled to from the courts in our country of origin/ this country, or something in between.
My ex and I come from another country where the average take-home wage is around £120 a month. We send his ex-wife and 2 kids £150 month. She has recently visited england and found out the difference in salaries and is now saying she will go to court to get the 50% of his salary she is entitled to (under the law of other country). Here his wage is spot on average, there 50% of it would be a HUGE amount and equal a VERY high standard of living. Morally do you think he should give her the amount she needs, or the % of his salary under the law of that country she would be entitled to if they lived there.
Background:
She has never worked, except illegally in Britain, this is a choice. We know from others in the village there is work. With her skills level she would probably take home around £80 a month (the same as my sister does). It's not worth it to her to work for this amount as we send plenty for living costs. The house has no mortgage for example.
She is rather self-serving with her money, e.g. using large chunks on plane tickets for herself to come to England to work illegally for months at a time (leaving kids with gp) or simply having more luxuries for herself. I found out this was causing the kids to go without, and she got them to phone me/ dh with tales of woe of how they were dressed and what they didn't have. She made them ask for more money. I really like the kids, in fact I'd be happy to live with them (will one day, but not practical now)but I knew that more money to her didn't necessarily mean it would be better for them. So, I started sending 3/4 big bags a year of things like clothing/ toothbrushes/ school books/ games etc. that they ask for. They are mature and able to give me lists of what they need e.g. for a summer wardrobe. I also tell them to ring for certain things, I pay music tuition, dentist bills, medical fees etc. I stepped in to do this as DH and ex argued so much kids often went without as it blocked communication. The kids seem to find it easier to ask me as I've never got involved in any arguments, plus it's a joint account anyway and as a female I'm seemingly better at buying for/ understanding two teenage/ pre-teen girls than dh. I'm better at choosing fit/ fashionable styles/ underwear than when dh has tried. Girls seem happier with this arrangement as clothes quality and ranges are much better than back at home and they end up getting more (Primark rocks!).
I personally feel the main reason she wants £ is to set herself up for the future. Both children want to come here for uni and if I'm supporting them through that I see no reason to still send her £ (it has been 11 yrs since the split, she has had time to sort herself out, no childcare issues plus owns house etc). She is quite absusive and in the 11yrs have never heard her say anything except screamed abuse. When they split dh was a penniless student in debt, his only assest was a car, which he gave he. IT's only been during the ast 6 years in England he has earned a wage of this level, he has always sent money though without fail and for some time also brought the girls up alone, until it was agreed they would go back to her village for education/ extended family issues. We only cleared the debt he got into supporting the family one year into our marriage. There was no cheating wtc., simply two people who could not get on.
This is only a moral question. Legally even if she did go to court the court has no jurisdiction in the UK plus she can't actually from this country find out about our financies. I want my sdd's to have opportunities the same as my two children, and I don't see how providing them with a wage many times larger than anyone else is the same as the opportunities my ds get. THey dress in clothes from the same shops etc. and I will ensure they have equal support should they want to continue their education/ persue dreams. If I haven't made it clear, I really care for step daughters and should either of them make the decision that one day they want to live here I will support them in doing so. However for now they have friends/ family back home and an excellent education, if they were to move now I feel the language barrier and new school system would seriously hamper their chances of getting top grades (which they are getting). The house would be seriously overcrowded too. Also the standard of education they recieve is frankly much better than they would revieve where we live! If they really wanted to live here I'd find a way, but they are happy with their mother generally (usual ups and downs).