about getting DH to ask for copy of letter from work

[Numberfour]

I do the admin in our house. Until recently we were on HBens but I cancelled this when DH got his new job.

H Bens now (understandably) want a written confirmation of the date that DH started his new job. Alternately, they want to phone the new employer to confirm the date of employment.

Neither DH nor I can find the letter from the new work to DH confirming the terms and conditions of his employment. DH does not want HBens to ring his work, but also refuses to ask for a copy of the letter confirming his employment. DH says it will look bad that he has lost such an important letter.

I said asking for a copy will not be The End of The World. DH says I must find the letter!!! I feel have a zillion things to do already and I know that the letter is not around! (I have recently started sorting out papers - again! Neither of us are good with keeping papers in order )

So: is it really bad form to ask for a copy of the letter (I have been self employed for a few years, but to me it does not seem a big deal). Or is DH being unreasonable in not asking for a copy of the letter - which will mean I can sort out this matter quickly and easily.

I KNOW that there are worse things going on in the world....... but this has lead to slammed doors and DH storming out to work this morning.

Won't it say 'first pay slip' on his payslip - maybe that will do instead

I would agree to spend 30 minutes looking for it and say he needs to do the same and then we both agree it's not to be found - and then ask for another copy of the letter.

Why doesn't he ask for a note confirming when he actually started with the company. He could explain that the benefits people won't confirmation that he actually started and when that was not just the offer he had. Technically correct as its actually starting that is important rather than the actual offer. He then doesn't have to mention the offer letter has been lost.

you may need to refer to the t and cs in the future. Ring personnel say 'oops stupid me i spilt coffee while reading through it, can i have another one for my records.' Then invest in a filing box thing.

Lauriefairycake: i had not thought of that - thanks, good idea.
xstitch: DH does not want new work to know we were on benefits. (both of us wanted to get on our feet as soon as possible)
grumpypants (so much like me today!): yes, I think i will do that.

screaminEagle - another good idea.

he does not want work to know about having been on benefits.

I am even more grumpy as dh has just left for a conference (three days alone with the dcs!) - congrats on the job btw

I worked in HR for years and people were always asking for copies of letters. We never thought it was bad - things get lost, that's just the way it is. Honestly, his Personnel department won't mind at all.

YANBU - it's no biggie. Just ask for a copy of the letter.

However my OH is the same - bit overly grateful to be working again I guess (after longish redundancy) & he won't just deal with the admin stuff. Can't he can just say split coffee on it or something surely? It's perfectly reasonable to ask for a copy and personally I wouldn't offer any reason or justification for needing it. I think people unnecessarily go into too much details justifying things to their employers when they really don't need to.

Maybe I am the only cynic here, but has it occurred that DH inflated his cv a little and the he never had a period of unemployment on it.
Asking for HBen to contact his work could lead to you having to contact HBen again quite soon.
Think before you open that gob.

You can get HB while still working OLDMac

not the case, OldMacCynic

we were on HB because of both of us being self employed and because DH had no income to speak of for over 18 months. I was the breadwinner on a childminder's income.

he is just to embarrased to admit we were on benefits. rightly or wrongly, that is how he feels. it is probably because part of him feels that he has let me and our DS down.

certainly no CV inflation.

Of course.
I am suggesting that DH may have good reasons, dont rule out the possibility that he might have a vg reason for his actions

Fair do's NumberFour.

In that case , DH pride prevents him from approaching HR. Find a gentle way of pointing out to him that his pride will be even more dented when HBen come around accusing youse of fiddling.

my point exactly, OldMacConcededthattheremaybenocvfiddlingafterall.

Like TallestTower I have HR experience and I too would think nothing of producing a copy of the document, if requested. I wouldn't make any judgement about such a request.

Number four
I like to get my facts straight before I talk bollocks