to not want to tell anyone yet?

[RobynLou]

just found out I'm pg nd DH wants to tell his family straight away, I really want to wait a while.
Sil and her DH told 'the family' when they were trying for a baby and immediately when she was pg, their DD is 4m old than our DD, when I got pg with her I felt pressured to tell as quickly as they did, and I regretted it later - the couple of days when it was our secret were lovely and I wish it could have stayed that way a bit longer. MIL is very opinionated and overbearing so I could do with delaying her phoning all the time and quizzing me about what I'm doing all the time.
SIL and her DH have since had another DD and again told us straight away, so DH thinks it would be rude for us to wait, I'd ideally like to wait till we've had a scan, but would compromise to waiting till 8weeks.
If we tell his family we have to tell my family, and my sister is very indiscreet and would tell mutual friends, as would SIL....

AIBU to think we should wait?

I waited until 16wks.

We both wanted to wait until after 12wk scan & 16wks was first chance to get both lots of parents together.

Wait- for lots of reasons wait

1. because you want to
2. Because without being unduly pessimistic it is usually best to get to 12 weeks.
3. Why does your DH want to do what his sister does? Did he consider it rude TDTD without letting her know straight away?

his family are all very close, I was so uncomfortable when SIL announced they were trying for a baby - basically telling us they were having lots of DTD - blergh
He's always been the quiet one who's done what he's told by his mum and sister...
I think I will put my foot down on this one, if things went wrong the endless calls from MIL analysing what happened would be unbearable.

I would consider that I am close to my family-doesn´t mean they have to know every thing that is going on in every tiny detail though!

I always told straight away BUT the last time, due to my appointment being hour late,
my bladder was very full and mw couldn't find the baby,
it was very scary for a few mins but then dd2 was found squashed to one side,
everyone knew we were going for our scan, even the dcs,
both dh and I agreed if we got pg again we would wait longer before telling everyone

Congratulations BTW

YANBU - congratulations!

Oh yes-YANBU & congratulations!

You are not being unreasonable. Explain to him that the pressure on you is a bit much and you would appreciate it if he waited until the 12th week. It certainly isn't rude to delay telling people. Nobody has a right to know.

:-) thankyou.

It just seems mad telling other people before it even seems real to me!

thankyou for bolstering my confidence on this

"Nobody has a right to know."

thats exactly what I think, and what my family would understand - my mum was really suprised we were telling people so early last time, but MIL and SIL saw DD, from the moment of conception as their granddaughter/niece before my daughter

I would wait until the scan that way you have pics to show as well
Congrats and Good luck with your pg,

I mean it´s great that he´s so excited, but once you´ve told everyone, well, that´s it-everyones just counting the months!

I think it comes down to how you would feel if you were unlucky enough to lose the baby.

It can be pretty bloody crap having to tell the world and his wife that you are no longer pregnant. But on the other hand, it makes sense to tell people who you would want to know if it all went wrong.

Its only natural for them to see it that way but it is your child. Its your decision when to share the information.

YANBU.

At 10 weeks, my brother and sister know, and a few people at work (because of time off/sickness/fatigue symptoms) BUT not my dad,
(my Mum RIP) and not my DH's parents and their spouses.

Once you have told grandparents-to-be you can't untell them, and the point about

'I think I will put my foot down on this one, if things went wrong the endless calls from MIL analysing what happened would be unbearable.'

is reason enough to hold back until the risk of MC, anomalies etc is much lower ie. 2nd trimester.

Congratulations on your lovely secret!