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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be upset that my baby has gone away for 5 days??

27 replies

phoenixflower · 17/05/2010 12:07

DD1 (10) has gone away on her first school trip for 5 days. She has never been away from either me for more than 1 night without phone contact. She seems far too young to be going camping for 5 days, she has only just turned 10 and is still my baby!! I know this sounds stupid but I am very upset and keep bursting into tears about it.
I just hope she will be okay as am going to have no idea how she is for 5 days, whether she has eaten enough, got to sleep okay, got her clothes sorted etc. Sorry, am just very upset about it at the moment and worried about her. I don't think I am the only mummy feeling like this as quite a few of us cried after the coach left but bet I am the only one still bursting into tears.

AIBU to be upset?

OP posts:

ShinyAndNew · 17/05/2010 12:10

YANBU. But she will be fine. And she will be loving every second of her trip.

You could always borrow dd2 or a while. If you find yourself feeling lonely. She comes with a free dog and two imaginary tigers.

piratecat · 17/05/2010 12:10

no of course not. do they actually have a point of contact you can ring to check she has settled?

My dd is 8 and she hasn't gone on any school things yet. You are used to her being there, and 5 days IS a long time imo, with no contact.

kreecherlivesupstairs · 17/05/2010 12:11

Frankly, yes. My dd went away for her four night school trip in October. I was sad to see her go, but, didn't cry until I got home. I really hope she didn't see your tears. One mum in dd's class was bordering on hysteria in front of her son. Boy was embarrassed and upset.
She will be back before you know it.

Effjay · 17/05/2010 12:12

I think you are being a bit unreasonable. She'll probably love it. I remember going away at that age for 5 days and loving it. I also went on 'guide camps' at that age and didn't miss home at all. As they grow up, we as parents have to gradually let them go and find their own feet. I dare say this is the first step on that journey for you. It's good for her independence. If she's not fine, I'm sure the school will be in touch.

Conundrumish · 17/05/2010 12:13

My DC went away recently for a few days with school and we were allowed no phone contact. I worried a lot about whether he would sleep etc etc. He loved it and said it was the best time of his life. YANBU though

Cretaceous · 17/05/2010 12:14

My DS (10) recently went away on a trip. When he came back, he said how the lad who shared his room was homesick. I said was he missing his mum, and my DS looked really puzzled, and said, no why would he miss his mum? He was missing cheese and grapes because the food was awful .

So YANBU, but bet your DD is having fantastic time.

dittany · 17/05/2010 12:15

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Lindy · 17/05/2010 12:20

Goodness, I thought you were going to talk about a four week old baby or something. Yes, I do think you are being unreasonable. Surely you want your child to grow up to be independent and manage their own life? My DS was off to cub camp at age 8 and has just been on another camp where he didn't know a single other person (child or leader) - he had a great time. What would happen if you were ever rushed into hospital (or worse) and your DD had never been coped alone? I am sure your DD is having a great time.

Nymphadora · 17/05/2010 12:20

Dd1 is just back from a 3 day residential. Im used to her ebing away with her Dad but I really missed her.

YANBU

Original poster

phoenixflower · 17/05/2010 12:20

Thanks everyone, part of me knows she will be fine but the rest of me is worrying!

dittany - the school have said it will upset the children if they are able to ring so allow no phone contact at-all. We don't have a number to ring the school trip on either though they did give us the name of the place that they are going to.

OP posts:

firsttimemum77 · 17/05/2010 12:20

awwww YANBU my DD is only 2.9 but I dread the day I have to 'let her go' so to speak...but on the other hand I remember my first 5 day trip away with School when I was 10 and I remember having a GREAT TIME!!! She will be fine - but YANBU to feel like upset - you're her mum at the end of the day - its natural to feel like that!

ShadeofViolet · 17/05/2010 12:24

YANBU - 5 days is along time, but as the others have said, she will be having a great time and she will be even happier when she gets back home to you

dittany · 17/05/2010 12:26

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Francagoestohollywood · 17/05/2010 12:28

Was your dd apprehensive about this trip?

I think it's quite natural for a mother to worry about a child's first (second, third etc ) trip away, but at 10 she's old enough to cope very well with this new experience.
And I don't think that 5 days is too long for a 10 yrs old.

SalFresco · 17/05/2010 12:31

It's quite normal - my goddaughter has just come back from a 5 day trip at a residential centre - parents could ring the centre in an emergency, but couldn't just call their child...this is a trip that schools in our area always run, there used to be a parents day, where on the 3rd day parents could visit but they stopped that a few years ago as it was more upsetting for children.

I don't think 5 days away at age 10 with no phone calls is shocking, but YANBU to be upset, I know my friend cried when her DD left.

NoahAndTheWhale · 17/05/2010 12:32

When I was 10 I went on a school trip for 5 days. And as I was old for the year some children were 9.

No one had any phone contact (although I am sure if there was a problem the teachers would have been in touch with parents). We sent postcards (and I got letters from my mum, dad and sister ).

I agree that phone contact would possibly be distressing for children and don't think that shows the trip is too long.

weegiemum · 17/05/2010 12:32

My ds (8) recently went on a 3 day cub camp.

No phones (except in case of emergency).

He had a BALL! Loved every minute of it.

YABU - its normal for kids of 10 to be able to go away for a few days. When I was 10 (lived in Kent) we had a 5 day trip to Belgium and it was fantastic.

PlumBumMum · 17/05/2010 12:34

YANBU at all,

Of course she is enjoying herself and loving it, but we are allowed to miss them and worry about them, its only natural.

And as everyone says it won't be long until shes back and your shouting at her to bring you all her dirty washing

foureleven · 17/05/2010 12:35

DSD is going on a similar trip with no contact allowed. They have said on the quiet that if any of the kids are distraught they can call home but I can appreciate that if there are 60 kids all wanting to phone home its going to be a nightmare. Also, as lots of mums wont be responsible enough not to hide their emotions when the kids phone it will upset them even more.
YANBU to be sad because you are letting her go for the first time and you are probably realising that this is the first of many of these situations as you go down the path toward the dreaded drive to university!! But it is U to let DD know of your fears.

Personaly id be crying tears of joy at 5 days peace... but Im a cold cold woman..

upahill · 17/05/2010 12:39

Well I understand your concerns BUT I bet your DD has a great time.

DS1 started going away by himself when he was 7 (PGL holiday) I was aprehensive but he adored it and has been every year since and so has his younger brother. They have been abroad on trips and love coming bak with its of gifts for me and their dad and all sorts of stories.

I work with young people and go on residentials with them and in 25 years I can only think of one young person who got upset and even then as the night wore on got into the swing of things and had a good time.

I would imagine you will have a base contact number somewhere but all the places I have worked prefer parents to to ring and if there is any problems the school/centre will certainly get in touch. However when a group are in the middle of doing activities, sorting rooms out, serving tea etc the last thing it needs is parents ringing up. Can you imagine the disruption 30 parents ringing up to check everything is ok. You wouldn't get anything done.

Original poster

phoenixflower · 17/05/2010 12:41

Francagoestohollywood - Not really. She did say a few times that she didn't want to go last night but this morning she was fine and was smiling and waving without a care in the world.

I didn't let her see my tears and managed to hold it together till the coach left.

OP posts:

upahill · 17/05/2010 12:43

I meant to say prefer parents NOT to ring.
That should make sense now!!!!

Stricnine · 17/05/2010 13:16

It's really good for kids to go away and find that (oddly enough) they can survive and even missing mum isn't quite as bad when having fun!
I go on residentials with Brownies and we have a strict no mobiles and no contact policy - it's the only way, as often parents can end up (however well meaning) making things worse... as a leader you need to know if a child's truly unhappy (and deal with it) if the child just 'phones home' and parents rush to the rescue all too often things have blown over and said child is happily involved in something... so trust the teachers/leaders - they do know what they're doing

Francagoestohollywood · 17/05/2010 13:41

Good to hear she was ok about going Phoenix

Original poster

phoenixflower · 17/05/2010 13:52

Just wish she was a bit closer!! She won't even be there till late this afternoon as they have gone to Wales which is about 6 hours from us!

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