I need some advice. Here's the background.
My ex lives on a large boat on a field in the middle of a city. (lovely) Between he and his partner they have in their weekend care our three children ds1 7, dd1 5 and ds2 2. Her two children dd1 10 and her special needs son, 8 but with a mental age of 4.
Mr Ex. has often misled me about basic safety with the children. We have had battles over fencing off the rear of the boat from the river, cycle helmets on roads, not taking them to parties where there will be party drugs sold and consumed. Generally, he agrees and then hopes I won't find out that he's gone back on the agreement (such as, takes the fence down and leaves the boat open to the river).
Her special needs child (8yrs) hates my 2 yr old. He is jealous and pushes him over (last week on concrete he came back with a huge lump on his forehead). I understand, it's difficult. We have discussed supervision so that my ds2 feels safe.
This weekend it happened again. When I asked my 7 and 5 yr old how, they said they didn't know, they were paddling in the river with her 10 yr old. The river is wide and deep - a main stretch of the Thames. They went on to say, that the other two were left on their own in the middle meadow - so no one saw what happened. You can't see the meadow from the boat very well. Then they said, Mr Ex and his partner were both in the boat, clearing up after lunch.
I have written to Mr. Ex for an explanation. he will try to squirm out of it and tell me that the kids were fine paddling on the river and that the other two were supposed to be with them, it was literally for seconds. All of which I know will be the truth bent for convenience - that's his style with the truth.
He think's I'm annoying and looking to ruin his time with the children. I have explained time and again, that I don't wish to have a supervisory relationship with them. And if the children are safe, then I am happy.
I am now on the brink of reporting them to social services, I am so frustrated with his inability to take the safety seriously. Many of my friends have said they wouldn't allow their kids to stay on the boat at all. I think it's an amazing opportunity for them, but can I allow it to go on if he doesn't take supervision seriously?
I do not want to stop them seeing their dad or his partner. But I can stop them from visiting the boat. That is the other option.
I have done it (briefly) before - until they made gangplanks safe to walk across.
I'd appreciate hearing any other ways of how I can tackle this. Are their routes I can go down other than Social Services? If anyone else has any experience which is similar, I'd appreciate hearing from you.
thanks.