To wish that DH and my Mum would get on?

[Happybutknackered]

It's complicated at the moment. I'm recovering from an op and have my parents living here to help look after baby and toddler. DH is stressed and loses his temper easily over silly things. Mum comments to me on our parenting skills (mainly DH's) which I know aren't the best. She's a bit over protective at times.
They had a spat last night. Now DH is sulking and I'm left still trying to recover and needing my folks here but trying to keep the peace too

I think you have to tell your mum to keep her comments to herself tbh.

And tell your husband to get over it & stop sulking.

What would have happened if your parents couldn´t come to help?

Doesn't sound as though your Mum's parenting skills are the best actually, if she is openly critical of you and DH. It is lovely that she is helping whilst you recover, but the way you and DH choose to bring up your children is for the two of you to decide, it is not her place to criticize and cause problems.

Unless DH can take on everything and give you time to recover, he needs to stop sulking on this occasion. You need to tell your mum to keep her thoughts and comments to herself. And if it happens again, I am afraid, however difficult, I would be asking her to leave.

I think your DH should be polite to people staying in your house, who are only there to help you out. Your mum sounds like mine (she is so tactless it's scary). I would also ask my mum to make her comments to me and not my dh. This way you can decide if she has a point and then if you do want your dh to do something differently, you can put it more diplomatically. You have my sympathy - my parents relationship with my dh can be prickly too. They are all really opinionated and my dh talks total shite sometimes and it is hard to take his side when I think he is wrong (mostly about politics). Awful for you to feel in the middle.

I really empathise with you, I'm having both hips replaced this year (one three months after the other) and my Mum is going to have to move in for 6 months as I will not be physically able to look after DD on my own when DH is at work.

I doubt it as easy as asking the parents to leave - unless you can afford to hire a full time nanny or 5 days a week full time nursery for both baby and toddler, which doesn't even take into account what care needs you yourself have.

I think the bottom line is you NEED to make this work. Have a calm sit down with your mum, re-iterate how grateful you are, and how lucky you are to have parents in a position to, and willing to upend their lives to care for you and your children. But explain that you DH is horribly stressed at the moment by your operation and worry and is very touchy, and while you know she means well he's taking it as critisism so would she mind just avoiding doing it for the next couple of weeks while he's so stressed.

Get your DH as well, explain your Mum is doing you both a massive favour, you literally can't cope without her right now, and he needs to behave like an adult and be courteous to your mum, even if she is being irritating.

The only thing is, if he is genuinely doing something undesirable (you seem to agree with you mum in part regarding his "parenting skills" - is he shouting or doing anything that you consider to be wrong, or is it a difference in parenting styles?) then maybe you ned to tackle that behaviour as a different issue, but, unless it is dangerous behaviour then I would suggest while your in recovery from an operation is not the time to do so, and you need to get your mum to understand that as well.

Could you arrange for your husband to have a few days off work, so that your parents can have a break elsewhere for a few days? Might do everyone some good.

My Mum lives by the rule that she never, ever comments on either our or her son's parenting skills. Ever.
It would probably help everyone if you had a quiet word with your Mum as she may not even realise she's upsetting you / dp.
Your dp should be grateful that your parents are sharing the load as not everyone has that option. Hope you feel better soon.

You sound like me happy, my dh and mum have not always got on, I felt in the middle of it all. Mum would say something without thinking to dh, and dh would shout at her and say 'shes not coming again'. Soon after dd was born a few years ago, dh mum and dad were staying and my mum too, my mum is a bit jealous of them, and told them what she thought of them , there was me recovering from birth with ww3 going on. I just wanted to take my baby and run. I could go on and on. I had a talk with my mum about it, and she knows that if she wants to come and stay and see her grandchild she has to keep it zipped, which she has fingers crossed. She still makes derogatory comments about dh to me over the phone or in private.

Thanks for your replies. I am trying to tackle DH's behaviour. Although he has a great relationship with 2yr old DD, he can be quite strict with her and I'm starting to think that she (DD) feels intimidated by him sometimes. This is what upsets my Mum although I think as a doting grandparent, her method of disciplining DD when taking care of her is non-existent.
DH does listen to me and is improving his methods of parenting her.
I think it's just difficult for us all living under the same roof. I just could not have managed without my Mum though - she has been a rock.

My mum is tactless and says whats on her mind without thinking. She said to me that if she does not say what she feels there and then, that she will get ill. I said to her well get ill then, because the way you are speaking is not acceptable. And now if she has concerns she comes to me and i decide whether to talk to dh about it or not. The crux is if she wants to come and stay with us and see her grandchild she has to keep it shut. I dont drive and she lives a distance away so its easier for her to come over or i would have to rely on dh to drive us there, and the relationshiop between those two can be strained.