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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to think I can spend whatever amount I wish to for gifts etc??

18 replies

moominmarvellous · 14/05/2010 21:34

I'm possibly a bit hormonal, but I'm in a real grump about this so I'm going to rant on a bit.

Well, I have several teenage nieces who (obviously) have birthdays, and also a couple of religious celebrations where we give gifts or money. I usually spend the same on everyone - £25, I personally chosse to double this for milestone birthdays, and if the girl in question is after something for £30 and I can afford to, I'm happy to pay a bit extra so she gets what she wants.

One of my sisters always keeps track of how much money the others were given/had spent on them, and acts as though we're diddling her daughters in some way if a smidgen more is spent on the others. It drives me bloody mad!!!

She will even have her eldest look online to see how much a particular gift has cost. She fails to take into consideration any change in circumstances between one nieces occasion and anothers and conveniently forgets additional treats her own daughters may have had for no reason.

I am now at the stage where I think sod it, enough with the niceties, the girls can have thoughtless money in a card and thats it! I enjoy treating the girls and trying to choose something they'd like and this tit for tat attitude really ruins it

OP posts:

FabIsGoingToGetFit · 14/05/2010 21:36

Ignore your silly sister and carry on doing what you want while it gives you pleasure.

How do you know she checks?

xstitch · 14/05/2010 21:40

YANBU, I thik it is a little rude to check the price of a gift like that. Anyway you could have bought it anywhere and paid a different price. Mind you I am one of those people who when asked what I would like for a present can't bring myself to ask for anything

onepieceoflollipop · 14/05/2010 21:42

She can't really check accurately as you may have bought stuff in the sale or on offer etc. She sounds a real nightmare tbh.

FakePlasticTrees · 14/05/2010 21:42

I would tell your sister that she's being grabby.

Original poster

moominmarvellous · 14/05/2010 21:45

Because I have known them to do it to other peoples gifts. The don't tell me when they do it to mine of course........

OP posts:

fulltimeworkingmum · 14/05/2010 21:50

You are not unreasonable at all. I'm in the same position. It's about the children, not the money. Little children have no idea whether you spent 5 pounds or 50 pounds and as they get older they only care that they fit with everyone else so giving money is ideal.
Stick to your guns and your sister will get the message or stop bothering you about this.

Original poster

moominmarvellous · 14/05/2010 21:54

She IS being grabby - extremely grabby.

It's not only her though, this comparing/expectant nature of hers is rubbing off on her daughters now and as a result the whole family is going down in my estimations at the moment.

Maybe when my DD is older it will make sense to me, I can't see how it will, but I just despair of it.

OP posts:

oceryo · 14/05/2010 21:57

YANBU. Just carry on buying whatever you think is suitable. If your sister mentions cost relating to gifts in the future, then you can say you think it's inappropriate.

Portofino · 14/05/2010 22:01

Sounds like a nightmare! I have a budget of maybe £20 -25 for my nephews for Xmas and birthdays, but my sister is NICE - she phones me and tells me what they want. Usually it much less than what I budget to spend on them.

Original poster

moominmarvellous · 14/05/2010 22:02

That has always been my thought on the matter fulltime, it's about the girls having something nice, regardless of cost.

I don't even spend a great deal on DD for everything as she often prefers the cheapest thing she's bought anyway so am trying to learn from that!

I'm still relatively new to being a regular part of my older siblings lives, I'm quite a bit younger and lived away from home until I met and married DH and had our little girl. I'd buy whatever they wanted and post it off - lovely. But now I have to listen to all the behind the scenes bitching and it never ceases to make me want to take my little family and dissappear!!

OP posts:

Firawla · 15/05/2010 00:57

That is so rude
I would have a word with the sister if it was me, and tell her to pack it in as you find it rude, and just explain to her what you have told us here?
I would make me feel like don't bother with those ones and just buy the others, but then it wont be fair as its not their dc fault but the mother.

SeaTrek · 15/05/2010 08:37

wow YANBU!

My gifts fluctuate like yours.

The IL's ALWAYS stick to a set amount for certain people (DH/SIL £60 - me and BIL £30 etc). Except one year they spend £5 more on SIL as she particularly wanted an item of clothing (she is in her early forties) - I was VERY to find they had put £5 in DH's b.day card when that came round to 'make up the difference'. Both DH and SIL have well-paying jobs and neither of them thought this was a tadge odd. At Christmas it was obviously MIL had bought any old crap to make DH's present up to exactly £60.

I guess some people just have set ideas. I suppose they may have taken offence now when I would buy one of them an expensive gift one year (because it was just what they needed) and then the other one a more modest gift. They are not, however, rude enough to point that out!

addictedisabigsisteragain · 15/05/2010 08:59

yanbu, this would drive me insane! We budget each month for presents the same amount each month regardless of how many birthdays etc we have to buy for. Some times my brothers and sisters get a box of chocs because thats all we can afford and sometimes they get a book, dvd etc when we can afford it.

If one of my siblings started doing this i would stop buying gifts for them!

Seatrek my il are the same they have to spend a certain amount of money and if we dont say what we want they will spend it on crap we dont need or want

fartblossom · 15/05/2010 14:20

Why should anybody know how much you have spent on a gift? Some people are like that, if you havent spent enough then they get upset with you.

Earlier this year I took DD (2) to a boys (also 2) party. I knew the mother though not well and had only met her DS once before so I bought a present for about £3. Not a lot I know, but it was what I could afford (plus when you add, wrapping paper and a card to that it was over a fiver). Now same friend has not invited us to her DD's (1) party and Ive actually heard (poss just gossip) that she said she wasnt inviting us cos I give crap presents.

Its not nice being judged on how much you have spent on presents and YANBU to decide for yourself how much you spend.

sapell3 · 15/05/2010 14:55

How about buying presents where it's impossible to find out the value?

GeekOfTheWeek · 15/05/2010 15:46

Your sister is a cheeky cow.

mumbar · 15/05/2010 15:55

oh wierd .

Personally I wouldn't spend that much as I can't afford it but I would rather get something good and wanted than something for it's price.

This year my brother really wanted a CD and I said is that it he said yes get it in x shop for tenner. Bargin when I got it from Asda's for £7!!

Original poster

moominmarvellous · 15/05/2010 20:35

I will try and buy 'un-traceable' gifts as a couple of you have suggested, but quite often what the girls want is something from say, TopShop or a particular brand that they'd all be clued up on - much more than I was at that age!

But like I say, it's just the members of one family - but it pisses off puts the rest of us on edge come birthday time, we have to confer to make sure we recall the right amount we spent last time - or else!

OP posts:

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