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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Home Alone

22 replies

QueenOfToast · 14/05/2010 19:51

AIBU to have left my (sensible) 8.5 year old DS home alone for 15 minutes today while I went to collect DS2 from a playdate. He knew that he was not to answer the door or the phone and he had my mobile number in case of emergency.

Everything went fine in this instance but I now feel like a bit of a flaky mum for doing it.

Honest opinions welcome

OP posts:
MaureenMLove · 14/05/2010 19:54

Only you know if the situation was safe enough and your DS was sensible enough to leave.

Personally, I would have done too, so if that makes two of us flaky, then so be it!

CantSupinate · 14/05/2010 19:56

Ditto,
well, actually, I have left them a fair bit longer at that age.
No harm done (yet?!)

MrsWobbleTheWaitress · 14/05/2010 19:58

YANBU IMO, although I expect you will get told that you are!

We have a playground at the end of our road - literally less than a minute's walk away. DD1 (nearly 7) doesn't like going any more. Last time we went, I left her at home.

She is very sensible anyway, but she had a list of rules - don't answer the door, and don't answer the phone, don't open the back or front doors. She had my mobile number already put into the phone so she just had to press the green button to call me. And I called her every five minutes and she only answered when she heard me ask her to pick up the phone on the answer machine. She was to watch a film and not do anything else at all except use the loo. I was meeting another family so I knew that if I had to rush back, I could do so quickly, leaving the little ones with my friends in the park.

I just couldn't see a risk at all in that - no risker than me being in the garden while she's playing upstairs - probably less risky!

You do what you think is ok for your child - if you think he's capable and sensible and you've got contingency plans in place, then you're fine IMO. It's parents who do it without a thought for the potential risks and how to mitigate them that are neglectful.

MamaLazarou · 14/05/2010 19:59

Bah, no, YANBU.

I mean... a pooh can sometimes take longer.

muggglewump · 14/05/2010 20:00

I do that with my 8yr old and have since she was younger, just turned 7 whilst I pop to the local shop 2 minutes away.
I think it's fine

carrieboo75 · 14/05/2010 20:00

I just did the same last Friday!

DS1 8.5 was ill so I left him on the sofa while I droped the other two at school.

Like you I then felt really wierd about it, but over the weekend I relaxed and realised he is old enough. This week we have now started leting him go to the shop down the raod to get milk etc. Tonight he even walked back from his tae kwon do lesson as the youngest is now ill.

It's the start of a whole new chapter in their growing up, sooo exciting.

Original poster
QueenOfToast · 14/05/2010 20:07

Thanks everyone for agreeing, I'm a bit that my slack parenting style has been so wholeheartedly supported!

OP posts:
oldandgreynow · 14/05/2010 20:11

Left my (slightly) ill 8.5 yr old at home today while I went to pick up her little sister from school.We were about half an hour as she wanted to show me her technique on the somersault bars in the school playground!She walks about the village on her own quite happily and has done for about a year or so.

motherunearthed · 14/05/2010 21:04

My nephews aged 8 and 6 were at my mums, who lives round the corner from me. The kids wanted to come over to my house at 8am in the morning, both me and mum were still in PJs. We agreed to let them walk round on their own, which entailed a 1 minute walk and crossing 1 not very busy road onto a cul de sac. Both my mum and I were having kittens about letting them do this, but the boys were so proud of themselves! We live in such an overprotective society - you need to weigh up the risks and use your judgement.

MrsWobbleTheWaitress · 14/05/2010 21:22

mother - I don't know your road, obviously, but I would definitely let my 7 and 5yo do that!

Dancergirl · 14/05/2010 21:48

Sounds reasonable to me. A friend of mine leaves her 7 year old dd for a short period, which sounds a little young to me....but I would be fine leaving a sensible 8 year old.

mumto2andnomore · 14/05/2010 21:56

No I wouldnt but then my (just )11 year old hasnt been left in the house on her own yet either. I think I live on a different planet to the rest of mumsnet though !

CantSupinate · 15/05/2010 18:26

I often wonder in threads like this if there's a big correlation between number of children in the family and attitude to taking the risk (I have 4DC).

What I mean is that it wasn't at all my ideal to ever leave a 7yo alone at home, but when the alternative is dragging a recovering-from-illness child out in the cold and wet for 35 mins. just so I can get others to school (required by law), you have to think hard about the trade-off between risks and benefits.

If I only had one child I could afford to be much more uptight about possible risks.

((It must be nice if you have other possibilities: available partner/friends/family/passing acquaintances/neighbours/money for taxi fares/whatever, but plenty of us don't seem to have such resources.))

piscesmoon · 15/05/2010 18:30

If you bring up your DCs to be sensible and responsible there shouldn't be a problem. The most important thing is are they comfortable and happy with it? Mine were fine.

NannyBeth · 15/05/2010 20:04

I don't see any issue whatsoever. From when I started school (I was almost 5, my sister was almost 8) we were walked home by a family friend (who wasn't older than 12, more likely 10 or 11) to an empty house. My sister had a key and we would go in, get changed, have a snack (waiting in the fridge) and go back out to play with friends. My mum would be home by the time we got back for dinner (when hungry/called in/got dark). Nothing horrible ever happened to us!! And this was all before the age of mobile phones etc!

I wouldn't leave any of my current charges alone (oldest is 10) but then I think thats a lot to do with my being paid to be there with them. I would leave my own kids when I knew they were sensible enough!

Lauriefairycake · 15/05/2010 20:07

I am not allowed to leave 12 year old DD in the house alone (by Social Services).

I will be allowed when she's 14 as before that if anything were to happen it would be a problem.

MrsWobbleTheWaitress · 15/05/2010 20:10

Laurie - IIRC, your DD has rather exceptional circumstances, though doesn't she?

Lauriefairycake · 15/05/2010 20:13

She has no special needs and yes, she is being fostered. They are not bothered about her going into town shopping for 4 hours on her own or with friends but they are bothered about her being at home.

I was aghast that they expect me to put her in a childminders at her age after school (and it's a bit embarassing for her).

MrsWobbleTheWaitress · 15/05/2010 20:27

I didn't say 'special needs', I said exceptional circumstances.

Lauriefairycake · 15/05/2010 23:10

Well yes, I was just explaining what these circs are.

littlestarschildminding · 17/05/2010 18:38

My ds 8.5 stays home alone for upto about 45mins at a time for important reasons. Eg if he is ill and I need to take his bro to school.

I have let him go to the post box a 5 min walk away on Sundays when it is quiet (4 small rds and 1 bigger one). This terrifies me...we live in a busy part of London

I leave ds 8.5 with ds almost 6 for up to 10 mins together while I pop to the corner shop on ocassion.

My mum thinks I am mad and says that by 8 I was getting the bus to the library and going to the park and playing on my bike in the street for hours on end. She can't believe how over protective I am! I would say in my group of friends though my kids get the most freedom!

bratnav · 17/05/2010 18:46

Nah, that's more that fine OP. After DS arrived (8mo now) we started letting either DD1 (7) or all 3 DDs go to the shop on their own. It is about 100 yards up our road and another 20 yards round the corner, no roads to cross. We know the assistants in the shop. A few of the playground Mummies at school were horrified, 2 of them now wont let their DCs come for a playdate

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