to NOT do it anymore!!! I refuse....

[Disenchanted3]

to be nice to my sisters on/off boyfriend.

They have a son

he is an arse hole

he left her AGAIN monday, sent her a txt whilst sis was here 'no you are not getting the money I owe you and im not giving you any money for this week, yoi should have thought of that befoe you talked to me like crap'

and Sis really opened up today, i know hes a twat, abusive, manipulative but gues what?....

yup the fucker hits her.

I saw the bruises.

she told my husband too so theres no turning back now. im so proud of her

but so scared she will go back again

if she does i cant keep my mouth shut, now I know what I do.

i want him to walk past the house so i can go out and fucking punch him, he wouldn't dare hit me, im not meak and mild like sister, well not when it comes to protecting her.

I know it wouldn't help but I feel so angry right now!

I can't anymore, I've been dog that for 4 years,, you would not believe the shit hhas done to and ive said NOTHING.

I feel like im failing her.

I can't anymre.

Sorry to hear that your sis is having a bad time. i dont really know what to advise. hopefully other lovely m'netters will have words of wisdom for you

I feel so proud of your sister as well.

Is she staying in their house, is she pressing charges, does she accept it is over or does she want him back?

After what you've been told there's no reason on earth to be nice to him and every reason to loathe him. That said, I would concentrate all your efforts on supporting your sister and helping her to find the strength to leave him for good. Women's Aid is a good place to start. He needs to be aware that even if he hasn't directly hit their son, he has harmed him by exposing him to the violence between him and your sister.

So glad your sister has spoken to you about it - sounds like a good first step.

hahas
... pressing charges??

fab you have no idea, thats not to sound patronising to you i mean, honestly.

she wouldn't even tell my or his mum, nevber mind pressing charges

she is in her little flat, he isn't there now hes gone back to mummy.

When he left her last time she got a boyfriends,

he said to her the other day 'you make me sick, i can't even look at you without thinking of you with him, do you knwo how hard it for me to touch you?'

she got a longterm boyfriend when she left

she told me when he went to cornwall when they were TOGETHER, he slept with 5 girls!!!

and he says this shit to her?!?!

Lets hope everyone on heree supports you about your decision to want to hit HIM. I posted something similar the other week and got slated for it

All you can do is support your sister through this terrible time. My sisters boyfriend has hit her in the past, family didnt know about it, only me. That was until he left her for someone at work that he was having an affair with throughout my sisters FIRST pregnancy.
She has now got back with him :{ But im sure she will be stronger than ever this time.

Just look out for your sister and be there for her

I do want to hit him, but I wouldn't.

but i want to warn him, warn him i know, and to stay the fuck away from her and let her LIVEand be ahppy!

he doesn't want her, until someonbe else does

What an awful situation for you and your sister. It must be so hard when all you want to do is protect her, and you are unable to do it for her.

Her self esteem must be rock bottom to put up with his behaviour for so long. Lets hope she is strong enough to keep him away for good.

Disenchanted, I rreally truly feel sorry for you- have you thought about getting a restrainig order? If your sisters too scared then perhaps you could get one against him, that way he can't come anywhere near her when you're there. Spuds like your sister needs a confidence boost too- she will get over him in time I promise- I've been there with a horrible bloke too and it might take a while but she'll come out strong.
Try to stay away from him- if you do anything in anger it'll be you that loses and he'll carry on as normal. Could your sister move in with you for a while? Good luck hun x

I wish there was something I could say to help you and your sister.

Thankyou,

unfortunatly I don't think I can do anything for her.

Apparantly shes been crying on the phone to our Nan saying 'I just want him back'

She got a loan from the socail and she gave him half thinking it would keep him there and she bought him an ipod.

he doesnt spend a penny on her

silly girl

.

she needs a huge dose of self-esteem.

They are back to gether, she says:

he came to talk (again) he opened up to her (again) he cried (again)

all the same bullshit she always tells me when he comes back.

Sad thing is I'm starting to get angry at HER too.

Really sorry to read your posts. I'm afraid i have no experience of this so feel i can't offer advise, though my hunch would be to follow what other mners have said a try and stay calm so your sister feels she can turn to you. You are a great sister.

until your sister finds the strength to walk away from this piece of shit there is little you can do

I hope for the sake of her child she can be strong enought to get rid of him but from what you say I doubt it

You need to get her out of the situation if you can.

My sister went out with someone, actually she was engaged.

Her fiancee hit her, after getting drunk at a pub. He had also started to be verbally abusive.

I contacted my brother about this - he lived in another part of the country but came up straight after I called him. My brother went to their shared flat and calmly packed up all her possessions and packed for her. She never ever went back to the house, she moved in with my other sister until she got her own flat. We made it completely clear to her that any form of abuse in a relationship should never be tolerated.

They did not have kids, the fiancee also tried to send constant flowers to my sisters house, which were binned and other forms of emotional blackmail.

I truly believe my brothers swift actions and my sister being able to look after her for a while saved her life.

She now has a wonderful family and husband.

Oh and she is this wonderful confident brilliant woman.

She has her own flat, its not his, she wont move in with me.

She doesn't WANT to get away from him, she begs him back every time he leaves her.

Sorry about your sis, I'm so happy she is ok now x

Thanks Disenchanted I really hope your sis can find happiness too.

Would her reading this thread help?

I do not know anyone who has been with an abusive man and have their life work out with him in the picture.

I really hope she gets help and gets out.

You do not need to be best friends with your sister's on/off partner, and you are quite reasonable, in fact admirable, to take her side and support her.

I would be angry too with a sister who keeps going back to this waste of space. But you can't live her life for her, however much you want her to act more sensibly. We're not all sensible in love.

All you can do is be there for her until she sees for herself what you know doubt have been telling her all along.

My step sister was in a similar situation.

Please consider reporting this to the police, even if your sister does not want to press charges. If she changes her mind in the future, the history will help her.

I couldn't do that, she would hate me and I want to keep her as close as possible so she keeps me upto date on whats happening.

If I do that then she will not want to see me and he will have full controll over her then!