to now seek a diagnosis and treatment?

[howmanybrokenbones]

Regular but name changed. I know this might be suited better to special needs but I really want to know what is 'normal' for a 13 year old boy.

OK, middle lad just turned 13 and today we were in casualty (for the 7th time in a year). Today's exploit was an exact replica of one in October 2009, broken right hand after hitting a door in temper. Other incidents have included broken collar bone (being daft - normal daft! - on bicycle) and a very badly broken arm from jumping out of a first floor window when dared to by a friend.

History - has always been impulsive and struggles at school. he is a lad who cannot sit still. He is bright; his mental maths is exceptional but he is unable to focus long enough to get stuff on to paper unless he has one to one help.

Schools over the years have mooted the idea of ADHD and he might well be mildly dyslexic. He has been to excellent schools and they have offered a lot of help and support without the label attached. I have been reluctant to affix a label, I genuinely do not know where the difference lies between a 'normal' active boy and a child struggling with ADHD.

The A and E said I should take him to the GP and get him some anger management help this morning. I just don't know what to do. He is the kind of lad who if given a 'label' especailly at school, wil use it as an excuse to not conform. But...I am begining to feel as though I can't keep him safe. He is getting bigger and more independent and making more and more mistakes that result in him being hurt.

We have done the fish oils etc (perhaps some improvement but little) and have tried very hard to get him to think before acting. He is permanently in trouble for being vile (he is aligning himself with a thuggish group at school now) and has terrible relationships with is siblings (eldest has a diagnosis of Asperger's). Even meal times cause a row as he is incapable of remembering even the most basic of table manners.

He is very very sensitive and gets very upset by any change at all. He hates being in trouble and being shouted at with a vengeance. He has had a tough couple of years with starting secondary school coinciding with his father leaving home for a while. His dad is back and things are reasonably stable.

Oh I am really not sure what is reasonable or not. There is more to tell I think but this is sufficient (if you have read this far!) to give people some idea of what he is like and to perhaps compare with their own experience of 'active' lads.

I am at my wit's end; quite literally.

Why dont you ask to be referred to the paediatrician so he can do the tests he needs, that way he should be able to diagnose, they also have people to help for behaviour issues, just ask your gp

ADHD can't be diagnosed by tests as such but assessments etc he does sound like he may have ADHD have a look here

Sorry but border is right i didnt mean to use the word test, i think they usually use the griffiths developmental scale assessment to help diagnose adhd.

howmany - YANBU to seek diagnosis and treatment, not at all. You all need support but the right kind.

Post this in SN too. Or have a look through/search the threads in there for similar ADHD or 'behaviour' posts.

Lots of MNers in SN have experience of this.

Ok I know this really. I work in this sort of area. I also know enough to be sceptical about the diagnosis in some cases although I have seen kids where diagnosis and treatment has changed lives for the better. I have a deep mistrust of local child services; that is a major issue! I am just no longer able to be even slightly objective in thinking about my own child.

I just hoped that there would be parents coming on here saying my son is exactly like that...we tried x and this helped!

Oh lord, don't get me started on diagnosis............

I may cry. If I hear 'he'll grow out of it' one more time, you may have to restrain me.

Good luck. I hope you find the help and support you need and a good paediatrician who will get it right for you.

we fought for 5 years years to get dd2[14] diagnosed, in the mean time we cut all additives out of her diet it helped a little but the stumbling block was the school who thought we where trying to say she was as bad as ds who has all sorts of problems, they didn't really know him as he was only in mainstream for 18 months and that was only afternoons.
She's been on medication since the age of 10 and is now much easier to reason with,less volatile, follows instructions, does her homework and doesn't get into as much trouble anymore.

I don't think you should get too fixated on whether he will get a diagnosis or not. What seems perfectly clear from the outside is that this is a young lad who is unhappy and may well end up in trouble. He needs help, whether that then turns out to be help from a ADHD perspective, or from Children's Mental Health, or from some more local social scheme doesn't really matter; the important thing is trying to find it.

oh yeah, thats something i forgot to mention, i used to be very hyper as a child, my parents cut out the numbers up to E200 in foods, this helped calming me down. you can get a list of the E numbers and what they mean hth.

ukfoodguide.net has a guide just click into each number and it tells you the description, and i think whether they are suitable for kids

Sounds like things are really difficult at the moment. TBH, I don't think there is a straightforward answer to when something is 'normal' or otherwise. But I guess you already know that. Maybe the most important difference is when somebody can't change their behaviour, even when very motivated. Can your DS sustain appropriate behaviour for any length of time if a big reward is held over him? Most young people with ADHD can't or only can for a short time.

Many of your DS's behaviours are normal in themselves, especially at this age (at Y8 and Y9, most boys go a bit loopy IME). But maybe how often they occur is not. No-one can tell you this over the net, so the only real way to find out is to go and seek professional advice.

It sounds like you've had a very sensitive and sensible approach to your DS so far. Maybe up until now the disadvantages of a label have been greater than the advantages. Perhaps now the balance has shifted. YANBU to seek diagnosis and treatment for your DS if that's what you feel might be helpful for you as a family. It might help to think about what you would want from it first, though. It must be harder if you don't feel you can trust local services though, maybe you'll get lucky, not all professionals are as bad as each other. Maybe being skeptical will help you get the most out of the system? Whatever you decide, good luck.

BTW, I defy anyone to be wholly objective about their own DCs.